The hectic pace of this holiday season kicks off in just a few days. It all begins on that day that is centered upon gratitude. On Thanksgiving, we focus on what we are grateful for — those things that we appreciate in our life. But, during any holiday season there is another g-word that creeps in, often when we least expect it. Grief washes over us with a tsunami of emotions.
Grief is a byproduct of many situations. The one commonality is loss. We may lose a person, a belief, a job…the list is endless. What twines within each loss is the knowing that nothing will ever be the same. While death is swift and permanent, all too often when an ending happens, the situation or people involved remain. We yearn to go back and fix whatever went wrong. We want to wave a magic wand and return to another time.
Instead of trying to fixing anything, we choose to wade through the tumble-jumble of grief. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross defines the experience of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. As someone who has experienced grief, I can tell you that grief is a nonlinear roller coaster ride of these five emotions. Any of these, at many points in the ride, might slip into the seat beside us. We do not begin with denial and end with acceptance — we experience each in whatever order and as many times as we need to to process grief.
How do we celebrate the holidays with grief as our companion? Start by accepting not the loss but whatever stage you find yourself in. Be nonjudgmental and non-defensive about how you are feeling — what you are feeling. Those two stances empower you to be nonattached. Being nonattached means that you no longer ignore the grief nor do you cling to it making it your identity. Distanced from the pain, you listen to what grief is saying.
This listening is feeling what you are feeling. Try this: set a timer for 90-seconds. Allow whatever wells up to cascade over you. Notice without judgment, without defending how it feels. Notice where you are impacted in your body, pay attention to your thoughts, and identify what other emotions are triggered. After 90-seconds, thank your grief for its monologue, roll up the residue, and blow it from your being.
Maybe that g-word is asking you to live consciously through the other g-word. Be grateful for each acknowledgement of your sorrow as you connect with your grief. Remember, it takes strength and courage to welcome grief into your life and befriend it. This holiday season, if you find yourself overwhelmed by grief, well, maybe your acknowledgement of that grief is what you will become most thankful of.
Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive, Coach, Catalyst, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.
Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019
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