The Planks of Civility and Respect

A friend of mine regularly posts what I think are the most outlandish news stories. They are the kind that you would find in those rags available at the grocery checkout. Most of these stories are easily debunked. When I share those falsehoods with her, she responds with a smiling emoji or a like.

Yesterday she posted something different. Or maybe it was another way of responding in the same vein. It was a pledge to respect the opinions of others. Within that pledge I saw strands of civility interwoven with respect.

Of course, after reading her post, my mind flashed with those moments where I, in an effort to get my views across, had not been respectful or civil. Then I searched through my memory for those moments when I had been respectful and civil. I weighed one against the other as I reminded myself that my expression of civility represents my authentic self.

I reflected upon how my body, mind, spirit, and heart reacted to my actions that were either civil or lacking in respect. What I realized was that my actions impact me both externally and internally. The way my body speaks in tension, pain, peace, and relaxation; the words of my internal monologue, my emotional state — all depend upon the respect and civility I share with another — and with myself. Of course, the type of relationship that I foster depends upon my ability to be civil.

My civility is a direct result of my perception of abundance or scarcity in the world. When I believe that there truly is enough, being gracious and civil is natural. When I am stuck in the illusion of scarcity, I react in fear. I believe that I am not alone in the basis for my civil response versus fear-filled reaction.

The fear that runs amuck in this world has perpetuated the illusion of scarcity. Unfortunately we collectively have lived with this belief of not enough for so long, it has become deeply ingrained in both our cultural and individual reactions. This illusion has real, tangible impacts on us as individuals and collectively. Often we judge those who have less as lacking instead of opening our heart and listening to their suffering. Somehow we do not understand that when one person suffers, we are all affected.

Respect and civility require that we be present with the other, that we become one with them. When we listen to the other, what might we discover? Listening intentionally strengthens a deep connection that burrows through the divide. With these intentional connections, the barrier crumbles into nothingness — illusion identified and resolved.

Maybe implementation of our philosophy of enough begins with time spent intentionally listening. Through intimate conversation we see, we hear, we connect. With this connection, we give our self to others. We create community. Abundance is seeded in these moments. We are unable to hold onto the illusion that there isn’t enough. We recognize the truth that abundance permeates all.

Respect and civility are important planks laid in our bridge to unity.  Laying the planks, we move past the illusion of separateness and travel into a place of oneness. We can no longer ignore that fact that we are in this together. That togetherness creates abundance.  Just. Like. That.

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom in all she touches.

Her books are Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action and A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com