The Arid Land & Growing Empathy

In a flourishing land not so far away or long ago, there was plenty for all. Then some discovered that more for them was better. Piece by precious piece they stole the enough that was rightfully another’s. Larders filled by the few; the land became arid. Those with more looked disdainfully upon those with less. They proclaimed, “Oh, ho! If only you would try harder! I take for your own good. Learn from me so that you may become successful.” 

The shaming and blaming continued as the baron thieves stole more and more. The land became a parched desert with few oasis. Through othering and objectifying, certain people were seen as less than human. Soon the internal lives of the thieves reflected the parched external land. Their most treasured reservoir had dried up — their ability to be empathetic.

Empathy. Compassion. Nonviolence. Relationship. I’ve written books and present programs on each. Organizations like the Charter for Compassion encourage individuals and communities to grow and share their compassionate spirits. Many people reseed the arid land with their compassionate hearts. 

I look at the evolution of a world where one person’s overabundance necessitates another person’s poverty. I wonder where is the empathy that seeds the root of compassion. The answer to my pondering is found in the precarious balance of good and evil seeded in the ground of each person’s being.  

But, what is evil? For me, the definition of Captain G. M. Gilbert, a US Army psychologist present at the Nuremberg Trials, resonates. He says, “Evil, I think, is the absent of empathy." It is through empathy or the lack of it, we choose to live walled off from the world’s suffering or be active alleviators of suffering. In each and every choice we nurture good or sustain evil. 

Few of us are 100% good or 100% evil. We act upon a continuum. Sometimes we grow the fibrous stalks of evil for many reasons — unaware, tired, suffering within our self — being empathetic takes a lot of energy. At other times, the evil grows from a blatant disregard for others. Ultimately, the good and evil we grow is a result of both our intentional and unconscious nurturing of our ground of spirit. We nurture the fragile seedlings of relationships through understanding or we grow the stalks of evil — apathy and narcissism — through disengagement.

Living in our world can be emotionally exhausting. Maybe some have become desensitized to the suffering in the world; maybe others never recognized that suffering exists. Who knows why anyone experiences a empathetic drought? Maybe origin of the drought is not as important as how we as individuals and community reclaim our empathetic nature. 

How do we become an world of empathy? Through our actions as individuals and as members of community: By being aware of the suffering in the world but not allowing our self to become consumed by it. Through the practice self compassion and within proactive groups who power their action with compassion. By waking up and stepping into our empathetic spirit. By using our empathy as a spring board that alleviates suffering and roots out the stalks of evil.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.  Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

Lift the Weight of the World

Sometimes the suffering in the world overwhelms me. Being constantly bombarded by suffering — mine, yours, and the worlds erodes the interior place of peace and clarity. I find myself walking unsteadily on that fine line between disconnect and losing myself in the suffering. In empathy overload I cannot see through my angst to compassion’s essence. 

How can we maintain our core while being a beacon of compassion in the world? I can tell you the mechanics of moving from affective empathy to cognitive empathy to compassion, but of late I am unsure how to put the process into practice. I am aware of the times that the weight of suffering tips me into a place so dark that I cannot see even a flicker of compassion’s light. 

It is a challenge to do what I know what I must do. For filled with the angst of suffering, I have only one option. Finding a quiet space, I rest in the dark. I feel its velvet caress and its sharp jabbing edges. I identify the sores rubbed raw by suffering. I feel the muscles strained by holding myself erect during the buffeting onslaught. 

No longer in denial, I feel suffering but do not cling to it. I do not judge myself or another for the suffering. I do not defend my inability to be compassion’s presence. I accept my humanness as I wait for peace to rise within me. As it rises, I do not grasp at it, but allow its silk to swirl around me.

I wait within the dark knowing that eventually something mystical, something magical, is happening. Compassion arises not with fanfare, but as a gentle breeze. What begins as a whisper grows in volume — the voice of ethereal compassion sings a song of healing. The sparks of hope ignite within me.

While I have no conscious clue of how to navigate this dark night, I trust that the song and the sparks will lead me step by step out of this dark chamber. As compassion’s song reaches crescendo, the agony echoes of suffering fade away. And, I realize it is the little things that each of us do that increases the light and chases the dark into the shadows. When we combine the little things, we have a powerful force of compassion that cannot be denied.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

Into the Wild: Diversity & Ecology of the Spirit

The woods behind my home is mostly green with intermittent swatches of brown. Yesterday as the storm approached, I looked outside my window to see the trees waving at me. As the trees bowed, I spied a face deeply gnarled into one tree’s truck. Eye to eye, I connected to the soul essence of Tree. Through our connection I resonated with the network of Nature Herself as Tree whispered to me, “We can withstand much, but not too much.” 

Tree and I were in communion during that storm. During this wordless connection, Tree said, “It’s going to rain. I may lose a few leaves, maybe a spindly branch or two, but I am going to drink the refreshing water pouring down on me.” 

Ecology of the land. Ecology of my spirit. They are entwined. I cannot extricate myself from the rhythm of connection in nature. And, I wonder how can we learn the lesson of nature’s ecology? How can we, as human’s, create a system that is ever expanding and inclusive? How can we celebrate diversity instead of shutting our self away? How can we stop stifling life energy that on the surface doesn’t seem to resonate with ours when in reality that life energy is inexplicably twined with ours? 

It is not only my friend Tree that speaks in communion. The ecology of the wooded area resonates to me, heart to heart, soul to soul. I am reminded that we cannot live in isolation. If we learn nothing from nature, we recognize that its Wild has a subtle way of encroaching upon so called civilization. And the Wild creates a beauty that cannot be found in neatly manicured lawns and boxes of perennials. The wild is a mosaic of colors and textures and smells that invite us to be our true self.

It is clear to me that to live as an homogeneous society is to stifle our creativity and deplete our possibilities as both individuals and as a collective. In this environment our knowledge is severely limited and so is our understanding. We lack the basis for critical thinking and the ability to act wisely. In this space the powers-that-be decide we cannot think for our self and purge anything that does not fall within the parameters of an increasingly narrow box of control.

I cannot live in a box where the spindly plants that manage to grow toward the sun are burnt by an overabundance of compost. I yearn to live with Tree and the diversity that thrives in the Wild. For there, natural compost works itself into the fertile ground that is shared by all. The water isn’t collected and meted out. It falls from the sky and all those in the Wild drink freely. 

The course is clear: Leap outside of the box lest you be burnt by the compost and become stunted, unable to grow into your true self. Breathe in courage. Grasp the rim of the box. With curious daring, vault into the Wild. For the Wild isn’t a fearful place. It is a place where the ecology of blooming diversity resonates with the ecology of our spirit. In the Wild we resonate with our true self. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

The Compassion of Enough+

May you live in interesting times. Well, we are living in interesting and uncertain times indeed. I remember not so long ago wondering why I had chosen the easy path — to incarnate in a country of plenty instead of living in a more challenging environment. I wondered how I could reach spiritual enlightenment surrounded by so much.

Lately, I have been reflecting upon the illusion of living in the land of plenty and home of the free. Even basic necessities like clean water are no longer guaranteed. Another person’s rights no longer end where mine begin. In this blurry space, rights that we have taken for granted are trampled on. The illusion of greatness has eroded. Through the gaping holes erosion creates, the force of suffering blasts — I feel the agony of those who are not living the illusory dream. I hear in disbelief the shaming, blaming, and othering.

I ask myself, as the illusion crumbles around me, “Why are you here if not to live the American dream?” The answer  to that question haunts me in the darkening night. It whispers
ever so softly, “Paradigm shift.” There is no simple action to create an all is well paradigm. The answer demands that we shine our light into the dark to navigate the road that leads from the fantasy of “living the dream if you try hard enough” into a reality that provides access to that dream for all. 

Maybe I chose this life because I am a dreamer, a change agent. I believe that we can create a better life for everyone. I believe that there is a table big enough for everyone to sit at. I believe that we do not have to compete for precious little when we can collaboratively provide enough+ for all. I believe that when we move from a mindset of forced compromise into a life powered by consensus that we live compassionately in one of those gates of heaven Merton wrote about. 

I believe that to get from the uncertainty of today to this place of enough+, we need to make some tough choices. These aren’t the choices that destroy opportunities to realize our basic needs; rather, these choices elevate all of us to a place where needs are met and some wants realized for all of us — the community of enough+.  We sustain this community when we stop othering by choosing to be compassion’s presence.

I am a dreamer, a believer who knows that each of us is alive in this moment to make the world a better place. A place where we reside, with others, in a gate of heaven — there we commit to live in each moment fully aware and compassionately responsive to each part of creation. In the gate, our light attracts the lights of others and we stand part of an illuminated community of compassionate consensus. Paradigm shift realized.

Set aside your wants, gather your needs, and join me at compassion’s table. Seated at the table of unconditional love, we are a community of consensus. Within this community of enough+ we navigate within the gate of heaven to live in these  interesting, uncertain times together.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

Arm in Arm, Hand in Hand: An Arc of Compassion

So many questions, so few answers. So many dilemmas that, on the surface, have few solutions. I find myself wondering that if we cannot find adequate answers or doable solutions, how shall we live? How will we navigate through the uncertainties? 

Perhaps, the simplest solution or the beginning of resolution is to walk arm in arm with one another fully prepared to give each other a hand; to raise up another. To accomplish this, we do not focus on what hinders another — these are manifestations of their suffering. 

We focus on how the other and our self can lift up one another and ultimately the world through their skills and talents. In moments of compassionate understanding, we unlink our arms and clasp the other’s hand not to say, “job well done,” but to say, I am here for you. With a hand up we help others lift themselves to a place where they can accomplish that well done. 

Arm in arm, hand to hand, we create arcs across chasms. These bridges raise us from a place of suffering into a world of possibility. Here we find opportunities to become our best, truest self. We create a world not of divides but of a patchwork of connection — a network that we travel, as individuals and collectively, into the light of realization.

This light of realization is not somewhere out there. We do not strike a match against a rough surface, and the light flares externally. No, each of us is a piece of kindling that catches our internal fire. Our ember grows with each thought, word, and action that raises up our self or another. As we link arm with arm, we create a network for the light to flare across, to join with other lights, and to create a powerful light that invites the dark to cast aside its cloak and shine with us. 

We may never be able to answer those boggling questions or solved our perceived dilemmas, but together we do respond to the uncertainties in the world in ways that encourage our incredible lightness of being. Light shining we clasp the hand of another. Our spark flares across the network lifting us into a place of increased light. Arm in arm we transform the world by raising up one another mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

points of light in a darkened world: the i&a blog

vanessa f hurst, ms

I smile. You smile. The moment transforms with  the grace of that interaction. 

I smile. You frown. I do not want your grimace to trigger a reaction in me. I choose not be caught by the trigger but to soar on the wings of the joy within myself.

2018 has challenged me to live gracefully in uncertain times. From the ever changing weather to connecting in job interviews to navigating relationships to finding joy, I am mindful about the unevenness present in many unfolding moments. 

I have managed to reframe many of those moments — turning the dread of uncertainty into the possibility of real transformation. In other moments I get caught in a tsunami of fear raging toward me. Paralyzed, I feel the remnant drops of fear splatter my face as the wave falls just short of my being. I practice self compassion. I laugh at my imperfections until I am okay with who I am in that moment.

In those splattering drops of fear my inner wisdom whispers, “Trust. Hope. It will get better.” I find myself wondering, “Will it? If so, when?” 

I am not certain that I want to hear the answer to that question. For, we can no longer measure the uncertainty by old standards. Better now does not always measure up to what was better then. The ruler we have no longer has the right markings on it. This new world requires that we measure better or worse by a new standard that is evolving as we do. In this evolution we find ways to raise the bar of better using our hope and trust.

So, hope and trust are needed as fear and calm vie for our attention. Hope is being able to see the uncertainty in a new way — to feel the glimmer of possibility warm our being. Trust is knowing, no matter what, that we have our integrity — the ability to act with courage as we do the right thing. Together hope and trust power our journey through the uncertainty and into our compassionate, authentic response. 

Today I stand on the shore of uncertainty and watch the next tsunami rolled closer and closer. I do not cringe in fear as I feel its remnants spatter upon my face. No, I vow not to give one more microscopic particle of energy to a fear filled reaction to any uncertainty in the world. I embrace hope and call upon my integrity to transform myself into a point of light in a darkened world. Join me.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

i love you enough

“Why is compassion so eff-ing hard?” asked one participant. I have wondered about the answer to that question ever since it was asked. In a world of increasing fascism, narcissism, and judgmentalism, sometimes it takes conscious effort to be a shining point of compassion. Sometimes it takes a magnifying glass to see those shining points of compassionate light

In the years since that question was posed, I have witnessed many situations where being compassionate was difficult if not borderline impossible. As a result, I have questions of my own. “How do we stop reacting to someone whose actions have resulted in suffering for themselves or another?” “How do we respond with compassionate to that person instead of enabling their bad behavior?” 

The answer to both questions is by being empathetic. Unless we feel the feelings of another, we may never know their depth of suffering. But, not getting stuck in empathy may be more difficult than being compassionate to a perpetrator of suffering. Our challenge is to feel empathy without being overwhelmed by the feelings of another and being pulled into a downward spiral of angst. 

With awareness of another’s emotion, we move through those feelings into the next stage of empathy. Here we understand the motives that underlie the suffering. Our understanding is without judgment or defense of the actions of another. While we recognize the deep woundedness of the perpetrator, in no circumstance is causing suffering okay. 

We realize that their actions should not and do not come without consequences. Compassion dictates that we share compassion with all involved while holding the perpetrator accountable for their actions. Through our acts of compassion the groundwork is laid for real change in all involved.

This compassion says “I love you enough to tear off the scabs of suffering and allow your wounds to breathe healing from inside out.” “I love you enough to never judge you for your actions.” “I love you enough to be with you as you experience the consequences of your actions.” “I love you enough to touch my spark of compassion to your spark; and, in doing so, refocus the light that guides you to your authentic self.” 

Our combined light shines brightly into the marrow of our individual and combined compassion essence. Together, we gain the strength, the courage, the curious daring, to be compassion warriors. We create a community of healing. We show up in this community of compassion as our best self who calls forth authenticity in others. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / 

Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018