A Brave New World

I’ve had a reality check. You know, one of those hair sizzling jolts that shakes us in the ground of our being. Collectively and individually we have been shocked; we are awake with a new awareness. Eyes open, this new view is not an easy one for me to see.

But, within me is a growing awareness that we have a choice. We can choose to continue the path of divisiveness and be paralyzed by fear or we can choose a new way, a brave way of navigating our reality. I see possibility seeping through the cracks and crevices of this new reality. It encourages us to live courageously, daringly, and curiously.

How we live from those possibilities frame our new world. We are called not to be lights that banish the dark — cockroaches scatter in the light but do not leave. Our bright being is called to be a spotlight on what must be changed. The courageous choices that we make in this moment and the coming moments will frame this brave new world.

As you may be aware, I often engage those I do not know and enter into relationships, no matter how brief, with intimate strangers. Part of my outreach is due to the amount of time I spend alone working from home. In reaching out to others, I appease my yearning to connect in community. But, I also feel the yearning of others to connect and see their relief when someone actually sees them.

Our world is not mundane; it is tinged with extraordinary. I cannot not respond to the vibrant beauty that surrounds me.  Within my brave new world fragile connections strengthen through simple engagement. Looking at another, smiling, complimenting someone on an article of clothing or a hairstyle, opening a door — each simple act sends the message, “You are not alone. You are community.”

You. Are. Community. These three words are not verbally spoken but uttered through our actions. It is simpler to fashion this brave new world through our interactions with strangers. No history, no baggage — just alleviating suffering through fleeting contacts. While this is an important beginning, we must not stop there.

How do we strengthen the fragile and, at times, broken connections to our closest companions? When we are hurt by someone we love, feelings of betrayal often prevent us from repairing the shredded connections. We can reach out and reconnect. Through RI² — reflection, introspection, integration — new ways of being in relationships are fashioned.

Reflection: begin by breathing, focusing your attention on the moment. Bring the person, people, or situation into your mind’s eye. Engage in full body listening as you gain information through all five of your senses. While gathering information, do not justify, defend, or judge what you are noticing. Instead, notice with clarity, how you are responding or reacting to what is triggering your thoughts, words, and actions.

During reflection you may discover that what you though was anger is instead a deep hurt or a not yet named fear. Even though you may be grabbed by these emotions, you remain objective. You do not act upon what you are gathering. Listen to what our body, mind, spirit, and heart are telling you.

Introspection: information gathered during reflection is used during the next stage. During introspection seek to understand what lies at the root of your reactions and hurts. You may discover a pattern of reaction or realize what truly lies at the root of your behavior. This understanding has the potential to shift how we relate to another. (This information is for you alone. It need not be shared.)

The second aspect of introspection is to honestly ask what you want and need from the relationship. Seek ways to shift the connection and in doing so, strengthen it. Note: this may result in a shift from very close friendship to an acquaintance or from a co-worker to a good friend. Through RI² our relationships are dynamic, flexible, and evolving.  These shifts are endless and involve connecting more intimately and responding compassionately.

Integration: Finally, during introspection, we create a plan of connection. This plan is carried out in integration. Note: you will probably have to tweak this plan several times.

My brave new world is filled with unimaginable beauty and the devastation created by our humanness. There is no sure way of navigating through connections with any relationship be it with the intimate stranger or a lifelong partner. Life is challenges and life lessons. With RI² we can compassionately navigate into our brave new world. We can live within the extraordinary in daring, curious, and courageous ways.

Creating a brave new world with curious daring and courage,

Vanessa

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom in all she touches. Contact Vanessa

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com

Compassion’s Visible Commitment

Soon after the US election, signs of solidarity began to surface. Some of these were large, mostly peaceful gatherings of people while others were smaller but no less visible acts of connection — all were offers to be in relationship. I admit that I was captivated by the suggestion to wear a safety pin.

I remember when I was younger breaking a zipper on a pair of jeans and needing a quick fix. So, I found a safety pin or two to close the gap created by the zipper’s broken teeth. I realized that the safety pin wasn’t a forever fix; it wasn’t a permanent solution to my clothing mishap. But, the safety pin was a quick and relatively simple way to close the gap in the moment.

Flash forward to today. Wearing a safety pin, for me, represents an intentional and tangible ways of closing a gap of separateness and uncertainty while offering compassion and support. So, I bought safety pins — quilter safety pins in honor of my mom who was a quilter.

I believe that my Mom, a women with a big compassionate heart, would have probably worn a safety pin of solidarity and offered a haven for anyone in need. You see, my mom was the manager of an elementary school cafeteria. She had this knack to see past the surface illusions and into the heart of each child. Mom served a smile and a spoon full of compassion with every meal.

So, I wear this simple metal piece positioned just to the left of my heart, near my shoulder. That safety pin is a quiet beacon that people notice. The connection with intimate strangers is more immediate than before. Our conversations are rich as we share our commitment to the meaning of the safety pin. How it provides a tiny point of light in the dark for the wearer. How we hope that light connects with others and provides solace. How this symbol illuminates us and others with fragile rays of compassion.

The safety pin is more that a show of solidarity, a vow to be a haven of support. The safety pins says to me,

• The bridge connecting us to another is not destroyed. It remains in its brokenness and is strengthened by each of us who chooses compassion, acceptance, and love.
• Deep conversation is necessary. First, listen without judgment, without defending the self. Listen with compassion as you enter into deep, open conversations.
• Each of us in community have a responsibility to cause no harm and with respect, protect others from harm. 

I feel questions emanating from the safety pin. It asks, “How courageous are you? How curious, how daring are you in the face of adversity, suspicion, and mistrust?” It asks, “Do you have the courage and curious daring to weave my message into your actions? How does the meaning behind the wearing of the safety pin, change the message that is your life?”

A safety pin, a simple metal object meant to hold things together, to protect. What is your intent when you fix the pin to your clothing? 

Do you have the curious daring and courage to bring your intent to your actions? I hope I do.

Vanessa

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom in all she touches. Contact Vanessa

Her books are Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action and AConstellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com

Compassion Reminds: We Are In This Together

As I walk through the piles of autumnal crispy debris, the sound reverberates in me. The crunching noise reminds me of voices shouting in continuous waves of angst, pain, and suffering. I am jarred. Calming and centering myself, I hear the familiar buzz of the Sacred as it wraps around me. 

“Reconciliation is possible,” the Sacred hugs.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I do not believe that most people intentionally hurt others. In fact, I believe that our deep woundedness is caused by our personal suffering and is the unconscious trigger of our lashing out. The actions triggered by our wounds have driven wedges into our community.

We are at a point at which we can no longer ignore the polarization that has become increasing more evident over the past year or so. Good people, really all of us, have been hurt in some way or another. But, we often do not have a way of channeling the hurt. We get stuck in an endless cycle of being hooked, lashing out, and being hooked yet again. This gap between us and them will continue to widen until we stop our personal cycle.

In this place of less than peace we are not aware of how our judgments and beliefs create our fragile personal reality which is comprised of both the authentic and the illusory. We get so stuck in fear that we cannot even identify the illusions.  The only way to increase peace in our self and the world is by courageously identifying our wounds, our illusions, and our authentic.

How do we step into this place of peace? That begins simply and perhaps not so easily with our self. By consciously and intentionally listening to our internal monologue, we step into the way of peace. The foundation of our internal monologue is a complex mix of our thoughts, our body sensations, our emotions, and our spirit. Intentionally listening to all aspects of our self leads to an understanding of who we are and how our reactions and responses form our reality.

Once we are familiar with our internal monologue, we reflect on key questions.

What is the message I share through my life?

How am I an agent of the change I want to see in the world?

How can I shift my intent and actions to better give voice to my message?

We do not listen to our internal monologue once and totally understand who we are. This listening to self is an ongoing, never-ending journey of self-discovering that leads to authentic manifestation. It is the foundation of our listening internally and externally. Through this bi-listening, we gain a greater awareness of how our internal monologue informs every external dialogue.

With each conversation, we recognize that the most important part of any dialogue is listening. The purpose of dialogue is to gain information not to agree with another but to understand their reality. With this understanding, we are able to question what is real and identify the illusions we are harboring. Through dialogue we sit in the common ground not to sway the other to our point of view or be swayed to theirs, but to enter the common ground of respect and mutual understanding. 

No longer judging another or attempting to defend our self, we practice nonattachment. We do not cling to our beliefs; rather, we hold them with a willingness to reframe them when necessary. We do not cast the beliefs and opinions of another aside because they do not align with ours. We objectively listen and create a bridge of understanding that leads us to common ground.

As we consciously root out any thoughts that birth violent words and actions, we create the space for peace to flourish. We consciously become a vessel of peace and compassion as we act in light of Matthieu Ricard’s words, “Compassion is not a reward for good behavior.” We alleviate suffering and heal personal and collective wounds.

We are contemplative; we are mindful; we are anything that raises our awareness. We listen to our wounds. We listen to the wounds of others. We listen to understand suffering. And, in this listening we become compassion warrior-healers.  We build a bridge to community plank by plank across the illusion of divide.

I would imagine that we are called to tread a path similar to that of Mahatmas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Teresa, and many others. Will it be easy? No. I would guess that creating their constellation of connections was a long, laborious process. But, in the end, each constellation burned brightly in the collective night sky as it connected so many sparks of compassion one to the other. This conflagration burned away the suffering of individuals and community.

These masters of the Way of Peace welcomed individuals who lived many different realities, but all had the same burning desire to build a light bridge of hope across the chasm of illusion. Each yearned to dance across bridge in celebration of our diversity and our similarities.  Each yearned to create a constellation of connections; a community of peace, hope, and compassion.

Because #weareinthistogether,

Vanessa

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom in all she touches.

Her books are Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action and A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com

The Planks of Civility and Respect

A friend of mine regularly posts what I think are the most outlandish news stories. They are the kind that you would find in those rags available at the grocery checkout. Most of these stories are easily debunked. When I share those falsehoods with her, she responds with a smiling emoji or a like.

Yesterday she posted something different. Or maybe it was another way of responding in the same vein. It was a pledge to respect the opinions of others. Within that pledge I saw strands of civility interwoven with respect.

Of course, after reading her post, my mind flashed with those moments where I, in an effort to get my views across, had not been respectful or civil. Then I searched through my memory for those moments when I had been respectful and civil. I weighed one against the other as I reminded myself that my expression of civility represents my authentic self.

I reflected upon how my body, mind, spirit, and heart reacted to my actions that were either civil or lacking in respect. What I realized was that my actions impact me both externally and internally. The way my body speaks in tension, pain, peace, and relaxation; the words of my internal monologue, my emotional state — all depend upon the respect and civility I share with another — and with myself. Of course, the type of relationship that I foster depends upon my ability to be civil.

My civility is a direct result of my perception of abundance or scarcity in the world. When I believe that there truly is enough, being gracious and civil is natural. When I am stuck in the illusion of scarcity, I react in fear. I believe that I am not alone in the basis for my civil response versus fear-filled reaction.

The fear that runs amuck in this world has perpetuated the illusion of scarcity. Unfortunately we collectively have lived with this belief of not enough for so long, it has become deeply ingrained in both our cultural and individual reactions. This illusion has real, tangible impacts on us as individuals and collectively. Often we judge those who have less as lacking instead of opening our heart and listening to their suffering. Somehow we do not understand that when one person suffers, we are all affected.

Respect and civility require that we be present with the other, that we become one with them. When we listen to the other, what might we discover? Listening intentionally strengthens a deep connection that burrows through the divide. With these intentional connections, the barrier crumbles into nothingness — illusion identified and resolved.

Maybe implementation of our philosophy of enough begins with time spent intentionally listening. Through intimate conversation we see, we hear, we connect. With this connection, we give our self to others. We create community. Abundance is seeded in these moments. We are unable to hold onto the illusion that there isn’t enough. We recognize the truth that abundance permeates all.

Respect and civility are important planks laid in our bridge to unity.  Laying the planks, we move past the illusion of separateness and travel into a place of oneness. We can no longer ignore that fact that we are in this together. That togetherness creates abundance.  Just. Like. That.

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom in all she touches.

Her books are Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action and A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com