Tuesday, June 6, 2017

From Anger To Compassionate Response

Anger…we all experience. For some of us, our reactions are like volcanoes that lay dormant until somethings triggers a spewing forth or anger lava. Others have hair triggers that explode for seemingly no reason. Then there are the ones that I admire. These people are able to respond to their anger by channelling its energy away from violent outbursts into compassionate response.

A Facebook friend suggested that instead of using the anger emoji for every post that threatened to push us past our boiling point, we use the sad emoji. Reframing our emotions allow us to get underneath our feelings of anger. As we dig deeply uncovering the tip of the root, we discover the feeling buried by our anger. Those feeling are often surprising. 

The emotions that I most often find in the taproot of my anger include:

Fear — lately the world seems like a runaway train. I am not even the engineer on this out of control train. I feel the train gaining speed and careening, but I am unable to see exactly what is happening. I feel that I have no control over what is happening. I fear the inevitable impact. 

Sorrow — I find myself wondering how I or the collective could have reach a point of impasse. I feel that there is no painless way out of the current situation. I ruminate over past choices. I am paralyzed by how I reach to my current situation. Nuances of this sorrow may be unresolved grief and unacknowledged loss.

Anxiety — as the world changes, I do not know what the future will bring. Instead of being in the moment, I run potential scenarios in my mind. Any detour, real or imagined, results in increased anxiety. I believe erroneously that the route I have chosen is the only course I can take. 

Anger is triggered by out of control feelings. The ground beneath us is moving. We put all of our energy into standing. We ignore all the overwhelming stimuli and the knowing that maybe we just need to fall to gain a different perspective. We cannot quite find balance and in our fear, our frustration, anger erupts. 

Jill Bolte Taylor in her book, My Stroke of Insight, identifies the life span of an emotion. From the time it impacts the physical body until it leaves it is approximately 90 seconds. When we get caught in those unacknowledged underlying emotions, we often misname what we are feeling. What should be 90 seconds trip though an emotion goes on much longer. Instead of the flow and subsequent ebb, anger bursts forward. Our angst and fears feeds the cycle. 

When we are in the moment, fully aware of our emotions, we stand as witness to each incoming emotion. We adopt the stance of the objective observer as we dig beneath our feelings to name the emotions at its roots. This naming alleviates some of the stress and reduces the potential explosive harm of anger. 

Circumventing the high emotions such as anger require that we know our self — body, mind, spirit, and heart. And, in the knowing, we gain the ability to identify our emotions, accurately name them, and ride the flow to the ebb. 


Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com


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