Walking the Middle Way

Do you ever reflect upon the past? Try to make sense of it? Or, maybe connect what happened then to what is happening in the present moment? I know that I do. 

Last week I read through some blog posts from over a decade ago. In retrospect, 2010 was a chaotic year — both personally and weather-wise. I accepted a new position, my mother died, a series of extreme weather events happened, wildfires ravaged the US west…and there was more. It was a chaotic year.

Fast forward to 2021. There’s a lot of uncertainty this year. A lot of calamity happening — geopolitical issues and storms triggered by climate change. These external extremes have such a big impact on us internally. Sometimes I feel pummeled by all this change. I find myself wondering, “what do I do?” Do I erect physical/emotional/mental/spiritual barriers to keep the worst of the upheaval away from me? Sit in blissful ignorance about what is happening? Or, find a middle ground?

I am a proponent of the middle ground. For in that space I wake up — really wake up to the insanity of the world. I can feel how it is battering me. And, in those moments I accept that I am helpless to do anything. In that middle space, I anchor in myself. Anchored I am aware. In this awareness I let the waves of chaos wash over me. As they wash over me, instead of being overwhelmed, with awareness, I ride each wave into a place of understanding.

I mentioned being anchored. Anchoring is the ability to stay in the movement — not get pulled away by externals. When you are anchored, you are balanced and in control of yourself. Less likely to react from your triggers. More likely to notice when you are impacted by the world. You have empathy but are not overwhelmed by it. In fact, you are more likely to turn your empathy into compassionate action.

Back to the waves. I ride those waves not only through the power of my connection to self but also through the power of my silence. No, I do not spend my days in total quiet, not speaking to anyone, not watching television, not surfing the internet, or not having any external contact. No, I train my mind not to get lost in the minutia that pulls me from the moment. I learn from the times that I am overwhelmed by the uncertainty int he world.

As I ride the waves, I gain a new perspective. That silence, well, it quiets the chaos in my mind. I see, with all my senses, more clearly. And, I can choose to respond or, in moments of reaction, choose how to shift and minimize the impact of my reactions.

So, what do we do? We wake up. This means that we accept that while the world will always have uncertainty, the only way to ride  the external chaotic waves is to calm the waves within. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an intuitive-coach-catalyst. As a contemplative coach, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for navigating those scary places. The result? Creating a blue print for your life through a deeper connection to your intuition. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2021

simply beautiful, fierce, & wild

Life is experienced in the moment.  It is a journey not spent scurrying from here to there but taken relishing each step along the way. To live simply, beautifully, fiercely, and wild is an experience of taking time, of noticing, of be-ing.

When we are truly present, we notice what is causing imbalance in our life. We name what pulls us from the here and now. In those moments, the worry, the frustration, the fear leach from our being. Any tunnel vision widens until we gain a new perspective. It’s not that the worry, frustration, and fear just magically disappear; no, through our awareness their hold on us loosens. 

What does it mean to be in the moment? For me, being in the moment is about where I place my awareness. I notice what is happening — 

• What is going on physically in my body as well as what is happening in the natural and human made worlds. 
• How my emotions are speaking. I listen to the conversation happening in my body, my mind, my heart. I attend to how the dialogue impacts my body and inform my mind. 
• What is going on internally: how is my mind noticing words, images, sensations. What judgments, assumptions leap from that noticing. How I am prepared to respond/react?
• How my spirit weaves through the other aspects of my being. Where the sacred is present in each moment. 

As you can see, being is the moment encompasses all four aspects of our being. When we fully engage with our body/mind/spirit/heart, we do not  have the energy to explore the past or leap into the future. We live fully in the present recognizing that there is a lot going on in each evolving moment. 

For me, when I focus in the present, I discover the roots of my worry, my frustration, my fear. Through reflection and introspection, I better understand why and how I get pulled from the moment. I better understand how my triggers can explode into reactions. I see avenues to neutralizing triggers and responding.

The moment is a place of external and internal understanding. I know at a soul level that the imperfections and resulting behaviors of another have nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. And, I can own my imperfections in ways that channel my energy away from reaction into gentle response. In this understanding I can resolve to be simply me.

Life is simply a moment by moment journey through the beautiful, fierce wild. I can approach each tangle with fatigue or with curiosity. With curiosity, the tangle becomes an intricate weave of opportunity. An opportunity that gifts me with the resources I need to navigate fully, completely to my sacred core.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an intuitive-coach-catalyst. As a contemplative coach, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for navigating those scary places. The result? Creating a blue print for your life through a deeper connection to your intuition. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2021

It’s Time To Get Real

It’s time to get real. To look beyond who others think  you are — who you think you are — to be that person who is patiently, and not so patiently, waiting in the shadows of your soul. You know that person. In fact, I am betting that you get a glimpse of them every once and in awhile. And, that glimpse give you the energy to sustain yourself through the hard times.

This part of you empowers. At one point or another, we’ve all felt that power. Maybe you need to dig deep into your memories, but I am sure you will find at least one occurrence of that feeling. When have you felt aligned to the power at your core? If you are uncertain, think of a time when your words and actions aligned. You felt greater than yourself. You connected to something bigger than yourself. And, that connection felt great.

I remember when I was on a panel at an international conference. I was worried about what I would say. Yeah, people would say I was an expert, but I was an expert with imposter syndrome. But, then, something amazing happened. I opened my mouth and the words that flowed came from a place deep inside of me. That is the place where I am connected to the Greater, the Universe, the Sacred — call it what you will. I felt the power at my core surge. My words came out elegantly. 

In subsequent years, I have felt this power surge over and over again. I wondered how I could being connected to my core be the rule instead of the exception? For me, it’s about trusting — knowing that wherever I am, whatever I am doing, that my intuition is waiting to twine with my consciousness. That twining reveals my best self.

It is easy to say that this is about believing in yourself.  Believing in yourself is only the beginning. It is about tethering who you present to the world with to who you are deep at your core. And, that is a big challenge.

How do you tether? Name who you are at the core. This is not creating a wish list of traits. No, this is asking yourself how you truly show up in the world. It’s about acknowledging how you present yourself. Then ask yourself what is stopping you from being that person. 

Realize that this discernment is not a one-off. No, this is an ongoing practice to discover over and over again the nuances of who you are — and noticing the detours your reactions take you on. It’s about taking action to realign your journey with your purpose. Wow. That is big stuff.

Getting real is not for the timid. It requires that we act over and over again in ways that bring us to a place of response from our core. When we are real, we expect nothing less from our self. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an intuitive-coach-catalyst. As a contemplative coach, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for navigating those scary places. The result? Creating a blue print for your life through a deeper connection to your intuition. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2021 

An Emotion Is Only An Emotion Until We Give It Power

There is a brightness in the world, a turning of perception. Can you feel it? I can. I am not sure what it means, but the world appears different — it pulses with opportunity. I feel change within each breath. 

But, change is a tricky thing. Just when you are certain that every thing has slipped into place, you discover another piece of the change. As change realigns, the whole image of what you believe is happening shifts. Sometimes that realignment is really tough to move through. 

What do you do in that moment? Do you give up? Plow through the unexpected? If you are like me, you spend a long moment filled becoming almost overwhelmed by the frustration of plans thwarted. Then, after allowing the frustration to rise up and then slid off your being — you know, let it ride its course — I get back onto the new path of change. 

Let’s back up. How does frustration run its course? For me, it  begins with identifying the feeling. Saying to myself, “I am frustrated!” Although it is really hard, I need to find a way to be okay with the frustration. An emotion is only an emotion until we give it power over us. So, I don’t cling to the frustration. I am objective about it. I don’t make it any more of a part of me than the passing emotion it is. 

I notice the emotion while not judging it as good or bad or not-this-again! I don’t defend my right to be frustrated. I just notice the frustration and how it is attempting to get its grappling hooks into me. In this noticing, I do not give the emotion any real energy. Yes, being objective is as hard as it sounds. Remember, this is about practice making our skills permanent not making our execution of these skills perfect.

For you see, when I identify the emotion instead of identifying with it, I no longer take it so personally. It is just another challenge on this journey of transformation. I curiously and objectively enter the change with all its twists and turns. My daring and courage propel me into exactly where I need to be. 

Change is rarely straightforward. It is messy, uncertain. In the unknowing comes the power to be who I truly am — who you truly are. Feeling an emotion is about finessing it, learning from it, and using the power behind it to be the change. That is what is so desperately  needed in this world. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an intuitive-coach-catalyst. As a contemplative coach, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for navigating those scary places. The result? Creating a blue print for your life through a deeper connection to your intuition. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2021

Fear Shows Us Where Hope Lives

The world is shifting, morphing into something new. I do not believe we will return to what was. I see this time as an evolution into what will be. This is a bold time of uncertainty. And, there are time I am afraid. Maybe you are, too.

One of the things that I’ve realized is that Pema Chödrön had it right — we live in places that scare us. Well, maybe you don’t, but I will own being scared by the unfolding uncertainty in this time. Does it stop me from living in this new world? Of course not. 

Uncertainty is never without its companion, Hope. While there is a lot to fear, those moments are opportunities to flex our courage muscles. The fear, the uncertainty, the hope are waking us up to who we truly are. And, maybe knowing who we are is the scariest thing of all!

Collectively and individually, we are walking down a deeply rutted path of uncertainty. We don’t know where the path is leading. If I had to guess, I’d say that the world won’t ever return to normal. That probably isn’t a bad thing. We may step into some fear on this road, but within those ruts fragile stems of hope are beginning to peek out. The key is to be aware of what scares us while allowing the tendrils of hope to energize our way forward.

We need to pay attention. Name our fears. Call upon our courage. Never give up hope. Remember that when we acknowledge our fears, we are less likely to get caught in their tangles. When we act with courage, the hold that fear has on us weakens. And, hope clears the path into this new way of being.

What exactly is courage? It is not giving up, acknowledging fear, being brave enough to venture past our comfort zone into this fierce world of potential. It's looking our self in the eye and saying, “Maybe this shall not pass, but I will grow through it by being the person I know that I am.”

What is hope? Hope is anticipation, it is expectation, it is a willingness to follow our dreams into realization. When we hope, we say to our self, “Don’t give up. One more step. One more try. Just around the bend. You are not growing into. You are living into who you are.” 

I go back to the book that I read about the Shambhala warrior. We can choose to be a warrior by being gentle and courageous on this quest to understand our self. Amid the fear, the uncertainty, we can choose to be the goodness that radiates hope into the world.

With hope and courage we are called to discern our role in the untamed world filled with unrealized potential. We are called to act from our contemplative heart — to choose to be anchored in our authentic nature while being a beacon of hope. We take small steps, engage in brave acts on this journey of sharing our self.

So, how do we live into who we are? 

• Be aware. Two tools that increase your awareness: Be aware by anchoring into the moment. Shield by creating a permeable barrier between you and the world. 
• Discern how you are called to show up. This means contemplatively listening to that voice within.
• Act. Be okay with whatever your response is. If an action feels too big, dial it back to where your actions are just outside your comfort zone. Then act. 

Fear will always be with us. If you are like me, it pops up when you least expect it. Fear isn’t bad. It is an opportunity to courageously show up as our best self. Fear shows us where hope lives when we listen. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is lives in the margins…the places that share us. As a contemplative coach, an intuitive-coach-catalyst, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for navigating those scary places. The result? Personal transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2021/

Being on the Cusp in Times of Uncertainty

A friend described this time we are in as being on the cusp. We both wondered, “The cusp of what?” If a cusp is a transition point, what are we transitioning to? That is the question. Maybe knowing the question allows us to consciously live into the answer. 

I don’t know about you, but these past months have given me ample opportunity to practice being the moment, to rest in the silence, to spend a lot of time with myself. (If it weren’t for my part time job, I’d say I would have been in alone time overload.) Some of that time was spent in celebration of who I am while other points of time were spent in the discomfort of what I discovered.

This cusp of transition is not always a warm and fuzzy place. It is an edgy space of exposure. We are given ample opportunities to confront who we are and ask our self how we respond to a world that seems stuck in reaction mode. Maybe you, like me, find yourself in reaction mode more often than you like.

How do we move from reaction to respond mode? I wish it were as easy as shifting gears in an automatic transmission car. If you’ve read other blogs of mine, you know that I am a big re-framer. I am all about identifying the silver lining and living in its reflection. This Time of Cusp calls for a different kind of action. 

Like reframing, that action begins with awareness. Awareness of how the external world is triggering the quagmire in our internal world. Once aware, we can no longer ignore the biases that push their spindly stems out of our being. We know that have a choice — to stay stuck in those biases or weed them out and become who we really are.

Make no mistake about it, during this time, we will act. It is just unclear if it will be a reaction or a response. A response is a result of being anchored into who we truly are is. This necessary anchoring is created by knowing who we are, understanding how we get trapped by our triggers, and freeing ourself from the cycle of getting caught and reacting. 

This is not the work of the faint hearted. It is all too easy to say, “I will do this another day.” It takes courage and strength, unwavering fortitude to stand on that cusp and be who we are. To say, “I am doing this today,” no matter how scary the uncertainty is.

Books have been written on how to navigate uncertain times. I wrote one myself: Imperfect in an Uncertain World. These books are terrific resources for living in an uncertain world. But, how do we begin? If I had to share one tool, it would be practicing being in neutral or being an objective observer. When you are in neutral, you notice how you are impacted by all the stuff. 

How do you get to neutral? Discover where you hold your neutral. Listen to this meditation on YouTube or use the following prompts: Close your eyes…take a couple of breaths…become aware of your body…where do you hold your tension…make a mental note of how your body feels….next, think of something that is very upsetting…find the place in your body where you are holding it…don’t hold on to the feeling…just be with it…no judgment…no defending…allow the energy of the emotion to dissipate…return to your breath…think of something very happy…go to that place in your body where you hold your happy thoughts…just be with it…allow the energy to dissipate…think of a neutral thought…something that you have no feelings about one way or another (Mine is the Detroit football team. I am so neutral on this one that I have no idea the name of the team.)…once you have that neutral thought, become aware of your body…where are you holding your neutral?…How does your body feel? Remember the feeling.

Practice holding neutral when you are feeling a high emotion that you do not want to react out of.

This movement from sleep to awake is huge. How do you know you are there? You may be filled with niggling itches that something isn’t quite right; that it is time to make a change. You may feel uneasy about your life routine. Those are signs that you are being impacted by this Time of Cusp. The time of transition. You are being pushed from your complacency into a scary place of uncertainty. 

Are you there? If so, know that this Time of Cusp calls us to be in the moment. To be warriors of response. That begins with awareness and holding your neutral. 

 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, lives on the cusp. listening to the voice of intuition. As a contemplative coach, an intuitive-coach-catalyst, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2021

Righting A Tilting & Sliding World

Once upon a time the world tilted. It took a slide and was never the same again. If you are like me, the world has never seemed so uncertain. Do you find yourself grappling for balance? Looking for solid ground? Or, maybe you just shake your head and say, “What the heck do I do now?”

Maybe this world and finding our places in it is less about having definitives or living in certainty and more about living into the moment. How do we “live into the moment” and what does it even mean? 

Living into the moment requires being open to what is happening. It is about not getting stuck in your own agenda of what should happen. It is about consciously responding instead of reacting. It is about being okay with what is happening even if it is in direct opposition to what you think you want. Instead of fighting what is, we live into the possibilities as they present themselves moment by moment.

Living into the possibilities. I am a master at reframing. Give me a situation, and, in five or so minutes, I can name the positive, the potential, the learning inherent in that situation. Now, that skill didn’t manifest overnight. It took practice and fine-tuning of optimism. 

So, let’ reframe that tilt. What if we viewed the uncertainty as an opportunity to rediscover or even re-choreograph this dance we have with life? With any uncertainty comes a rhythm, a melody that invites us to uncover our true, real self and share that self with the world. Think you can’t change the world? Never underestimate the power of being your real self. 

Realistically optimistic — that’s me. Maybe it is you, too. So, don’t rush in. Take moments to gain balance in this tilt-a-whirl world. Really feel your reactions and responses. Listen to the messages whispering and shouting from your being. Notice how your body is impacted by the internal and external messages. Get a multi-sensory panoramic view of your current reality. 

What happens when we take a moment to get our bearings? We gain a different perspective. With that view sometimes we see the possibility while other times we have to take a breath as grief washes over us. There are times in this crazy, uncertain world that we just need to allow our self the luxury of being in the fear that lurks in the uncertainty. (I may even take a nap to allow my body to reset; to allow myself to become calm.) No matter what we choose, we remind our self that we can’t help anyone, including  our self, when we are tilting sideways in this uncertain world. 

Once reset, relook at the situation. Open to the magic in the moment. Even if the potential is not evident, will our self to see the potential. Consciously and intentionally will the tendrils of hope to reach into the uncertainty and twine with the possibility. Maybe that hope will twine with the despair of another and raise them into hope’s possibility. 

Think you cannot change the world? Think again. Small actions have big consequences. 

With an eye on the possibility-prize, we can navigate the fog of uncertainty. We can choose one action that shines our light in a bleak world. We cast a light on our growing circle. In doing so, we recognize that a simple action is all we need to accomplish to make minute changes in the world. And, that action is enough to stop the tilt and bring us to balance.

Life is uncertain. The world will always tilt in big and small ways. But, we must never give into the uncertainty. Instead partner with the uncertainty. Engage the rhythm that invites us to dance. Through the dance we unravel the worrisome knots and live hope in a turbulent world. 

May you be the hope that unravels the uncertainty. 

Van

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive-Coach-Catalyst, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / @fyrserpent / ©2021 

Connecting to Your Most Magical Mindful Self (Recouping After A Difficult Conversation)

A magical mindfulness formula for difficult conversations. Did you read that blog? Better yet, did you practice the formula? (If you missed the blog, it is available here.) Are you ready to take the next magical mindful step? Let’s dive deeper into mindfulness for recouping after a difficult conversation.

As soon as I can after a difficult conversation, I spend some time debriefing and defusing. By debriefing I mean that I get dig into how I reacted during the conversation. By defusing, I mean that I allow all the residual gunk — thoughts, emotions, physical sensations — to leach from my system. How do I debrief and defuse? I begin by recognizing that I view the world through a unique lens. Naming that lens helps me understand the why and how of how an interaction went the way that it did. 

Maybe you are saying, but, Van, I’m not sure I need to know all that. And, isn’t debriefing and defusing a lot of work? I would say that yes, it is work, but we all need to know what flips our triggers. I mean, if we don’t know why we did what we did, then we will flip the same triggers over and over again. We will never grow past our reactions. And, life is about meeting challenges and learning our life lessons no matter how difficult or exasperating the situation we find our self in. It is about shifting from reaction to response. How else do we live our soul purpose? 

So, here’s another bootcamp blog lesson. Our reality is viewed from a specific lens that are our judgments and assumptions. If you don’t know how you form the lens or what filters you have in place, you never really know if the world is just an elaborate illusion or if what you see is what truly is. That is the why of debriefing and defusing.

Dr. Chris Srgyris has a tool that I use. It is called the ladder of inference. (Here is a video on the Ladder.)  He postulated that our responses and reactions are based upon our beliefs. So, let’s dive into those. 

Think about a recent interaction. It doesn’t need to be one that exploded. It can be a gentle memory that impacted you. Choose an interaction that feels important to you. Sit quietly. Breathe into your center. Get it touch with the memory.

• How were you most impacted by the memory? It could be a physical sensation, a thought, an emotions. Perhaps it is a combination of the three. Create a multi-sensory image of how you were impacted. 
• Why were you impacted by the happening? Identify what triggered you. Name the triggers. (Please note that a triggering is not always negative. They can bring us to joy or happiness.) Name the why using 3-5 descriptors (typically adjectives.)
• Ask yourself what belief those 3-5 words represent. That is the belief, the truth, that brought you to your response/reaction.
• Reflect: how does this belief color your world?
• Introspect: does the belief need to shift or is it part of your truth? 
• The final step: return to that memory and has it impacted hour body. Set a timer for 3 minutes. During that time objectively feel the memory. Don’t cling to it. Let it go. Create a calm in place of the memory. That is the defusing of the trigger. 

Use the information received when you navigate another difficult conversation. In this way you reconnect with your truth and show up as your best, most authentic self no matter how difficult the situation you find yourself in. 

Here’s to showing up as our most magical, mindful self this season and beyond!

 Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive-Coach-Catalyst, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook 

Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2020

A Magical Mindfulness Formula For Difficult Conversations

Communication + the Holidays. Right about now you may be wishing that you had brushed up on your communication skills. Picture this: you are at a holiday gathering and get into a conversation with someone doesn’t have the same beliefs that you do. How do you respond to one more alternative fact? 

Maybe you get frustrated and are on the verge of saying something rash. Logically, you know that is not the answer. What is the magic formula to not escalating a difficult situation? Instead of forming a reactionary reply, focus on yourself. This isn’t so hard once you follow a magical mindfulness formula.

Yes, you heard me right. The magic begins with a focus on you. Now, this isn’t about falling into a fantasy world where only you exist. It is about listening objectively to what another is saying while noticing the impact that their words have on you. Trust me, this is not as easy as it sounds. While with practice you don’t become perfect, your ability to navigate difficult conversations become permanent.

There isn’t time to take a six-week course on compassionate listening. This is a bootcamp blog: you learn a simple technique that takes the focus off the words of another and puts it onto the emotions triggered inside of you during a conversation. In this heightened state of awareness, you notice how you are getting caught by the words and body language of another. 

With this knowledge of your triggers, you can slip from a state of high anxiety into a place of calm understanding. You are better able to traverse the minefield of reactions into the calm peace of response. Let’s bootcamp the simple steps: 

1. Center and anchor yourself. A simple way to do this is to walk coordinating the steps to your breath. Inhale as your roll your right foot heel to toe. Exhale as you roll you left foot heel to toe. As you walk connecting breath to movement, affirm your intent to be aware of your reactions to potential triggers. (I do this as I walk from car to front door of a gathering.)

2. During a conversation, play attention with your full body. This means listening with all of your senses and checking in with your body, mind, and emotions. Ask yourself: “Is my body tense or relaxed? What is my internal monologue saying? What is my emotional temperature? What is my body, my mind, and ,y emotions telling me?” This is fact finding  — noticing the mines in the conversation field and how they may trigger your reactions.

3. Objectively use information that you have received about how the conversation is impacting you. Maybe you are able to offer objective comments about the topic. Or, perhaps your body, mind, and spirit are shouting at you: “I am being triggered. I cannot maintain neutral. TIME TO GO!” When you feel that an outburst or meltdown is eminent, stop listening to the conversation. Return to your breath. Feel it flow through your body relaxing away tension. Let it soothe any ruffled emotions. Calm your thoughts. Connect more fully to your core. When you are ready, compassionately end the conversation. (For example, you can say, “It was great talking with you. I want to catch up with [insert name]. Thanks again! Have a terrific holiday.)

Remember, you cannot stop the words or actions of another. You can stop your reactions to them. Defuse the ticking time bomb by focusing on your breath. This gives you the energy to show up as your best self. 

One last thought: come up with an exit strategy when entering a minefield. You may need to leave the gathering all together. That is perfectly okay. Remember, this is about taking care of you by creating an oasis of calm that you can call upon whenever you find yourself triggered. When you have control over you, there is less of an opportunity to be emotionally hijacked. And, while not perfect, your practice of taking care of you becomes permanent. 

Life is all about you. The only way you can help others is by first helping yourself. 

 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive-Coach-Catalyst, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook 

Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2020 / 

Real Beliefs, Shadow Beliefs: Growing In the Garden of You

Beliefs are curious things. They speak to us from the depths of our being . Each whispering is a reflection of who we are. They provide limitless opportunities to share the truth within. Each belief is a stone in the foundation of how we engage others.

I don’t know about you, but these past several years have given me ample opportunities to survey my foundation. To name what I believe — to rejoice in what is truly me and confront those shadows that tangle deep inside me. I recognize that these tangles are not who I am. Instead, they provide the arena to unravel the shadows. Once free of the tangles I can truly live my true story.

Once in a class longer ago than I like to admit, I told the participants that only when I am embarrassed by an action stemming from a shadow belief, do I have the energy and courage to change. The response was a tittering of unease. But, think about it. What happens when you really own the truth? Who we are is birthed by being uncomfortable enough to change. 

Let that sink into the depth of your core. Then ask yourself, “When was I so uncomfortable that change was inevitable?” Name the shadow belief that was too tight, too raw, so totally not you that it left you gasping for breath. What did you do? Invite change or hide within its shadows?

Now, I am not a proponent of running through the streets shouting my sins — I mean fallibilities. I am not that public. No, I am the quiet sort who turns within and experiences the stuff seeping from my core. Through reflection and introspection, I listen to the lessons of the seepage. Then I use the resulting compost to nourish my truth. The rest of the compost I toss into a communal bin to be used at later time. 

The benefit of the last four years, and I am all about the reframe, is the number of opportunities I have had to dig up the ground of me, to pull up those invasive shadow beliefs, and plant seeds of who I am. I hope you have had the opportunities to do the same. 

What have I discovered in this process? The work is not in the harvest but in the nurturing of these seed beliefs. So, in this moment I ask, “What invasive beliefs am I ready to pull out? What do I truly believe?” Within those  answers is found the stuff — the compost and the seeds to grow the garden of you. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive-Coach-Catalyst, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2020

Who is the Enemy?

I admit that the word enemy makes me really nervous. Sure I have people in my life that I have perceived to be antagonistic and seeking to cause me harm (the definition of an enemy). But, can we really know the motives of another? I wonder if those people were truly an enemy or if there was something deeper, something more insidious festering within them that caused their reactions. It was probably the latter.

A comment said to me this morning triggered a re-awakening in me. I was reminded that our actions are based upon our beliefs, assumptions, and judgments. Unaware, we get tangled in them. We react. Then someone we have labeled as an enemy reacts to our reaction. Or vice versa. The tangle gets tighter, more knotted. We are no longer seeing the other person as a person. Instead we other them. It is easier to see an “other” as the enemy.

For me, the enemy is not the other person but ignorance — I am sure we can all admit to being ignorant a time or two. Ignorance manifests in reactions that come from a lack of knowledge, education, or awareness. And, honestly? We all find our self there at some point. But, that is an intellectualization. Let’s dive into the reality — the lived experience of the enemy called ignorance.

Recall a time when someone disagreed with you. A time when their views and beliefs resulted in actions that were harmful or hurtful to you. Let’s reframe the situation: they are not the enemy. The actions that stem from their ignorance are. And, the root cause of that behavior is the enemy, too.

Being proactive, you may give them a whole barrage of information in an effort to change their mind. You give them facts about why you are right and they are wrong. Does it work? Maybe. Probably not. By the way: I’ve also tried to point out inconsistencies in the belief of another. Not sure that I’d recommend it. The conversation either devolves or ends abruptly. 

So, what do you do? How do you approach the so-called enemy? You turn within. One of the best questions that I have ever asked myself is, “Why do I believe what I believe?” I really dig into the answer. I suggest that you do, too. When I am actively engaged in uncovering the answer,  I find a belief that is part of the solid foundation that my life sits upon. 

Other times, when I am knee deep in “I don’t know that I don’t know,” I discover the belief is one of the minute cracks in my foundation. This recognition presents opportunity. We can evaluate the belief to reform it or even toss it out. During this process we remember that the purpose of this life is to gain wisdom while evolving into our truest self. We can’t do that without going down a rabbit hole or two.

That is the internal. Let’s go to the external where we identify and respond to the so-called enemy. In what ways did you identify with the enemy? Did you get into a heated discussion about who was right…and who was wrong? If you did, you might have slipped into down the rabbit hole into the land of futility. Instead of seeing the person as the enemy, look at the ignorance or conditioning that created their belief system. That is truly the enemy. 

How might you raise awareness of how these beliefs and a lack of awareness and understanding, are suffering producers? Reframing the enemy to a producer of suffering is huge. It is the initial phase of a response that countermands ignorance. How do we continue to respond to ignorance with wisdom?

• When someone calls you a name, do not react. Take action in ways that are not violent. For example, I once had someone call me a name when I was working. Instead of addressing the slur, I called security.
• Practice nonviolence. Become what I call a blank wall when being insulted. Take yourself out of the situation. Remove yourself physically if necessary.
• Find ways to subtly educate. Take opportunities, use examples that makes real the suffering inherent in a belief. 
• Repair the fissures in any social control systems or work to create new systems. Be a part of community.
• Vote. ‘nough said.
• No matter what, do not let yourself be gaslighted. Reflect upon the words and actions of another. You do not have to accept another’s view as your own. 

Know that whatever you do, when you look past the superficiality of naming a person or a group as an enemy and dig deeper into the ignorance that is the enemy, you will be given the strength, the energy, the determination to battle the enemy with awareness. Through your awareness you change the world by changing yourself.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive-Coach-Catalyst, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / @fyrserpent / ©2020