The tempo of my heart increases. Instead of being carried into the place of fear, I remind myself to breathe: Inhale. Listen. Exhale. Let go. Reminding myself that I am safe, I inhale and exhale over and over again until I connect to the courage sparking from my soul.
Today as I celebrate the winter solstice, I find myself wanting to leap across this dark chasm into 2021…perhaps I will forego the winter and land smack dab in the middle of March. Three months into 2021, the dark will be no longer and the tiny stems of my being will be preparing to shoot from the ground of my being into the newness of me.
Then logic, and the fact that I do not own a time machine, kick in. I must live through the dark carefully sifting through what seeds to nurture and which to toss into the compost pile. This next year, 2021, is unlike any other (but aren’t they all?). This is the big 6-0 for me. I find myself reflecting upon how I want to nurture myself into being over the next nine months. This is not so much a resolution for me but a commitment to living from my core.
A commitment from the core. What does that even mean? And, how is it different from a New Year’s resolution? For me, this commitment is a call to look past the superficials like “I want to lose weight” or “I want to exercise more” to how I really need to live. So I dig furrows into the whys of the change I need to plant within my soul.
This change means letting go of habits that no longer serve me (us). The reason why we develop those habits we yearn to restructure is a complex one for sure. I am not a therapist who can unravel the reason or reasons why habits develop and are sustained. Instead, I am a mentor who can pose questions, listen to your responses, and help you become your best self. Evolving into your best self means working with those slithering things in the dark and navigating the dark with your intuition. (This year I am going to be my best client!)
So, how de we get to our best self? Let me share one of my favorite, most powerful tools: journaling. I am a big journaler. As I write, the emotions that I experience leach from my pen onto the paper. As the page fills, I empty myself until I am objective enough to really look at the events unfolding in my life. This means that I am less attached to my reactions, more aware of my judgments, and not so defensive about what I am writing about. In my objectivity I can see clearly see my triggers and the resulting implosions. I learn how to navigate the minefield of triggers. It is in this navigation that I shift happens and become the real me.
By journaling, I own who I am even when I slip and fall. After I acknowledge my imperfections, I breathe deeply into the calm. The whispers of self-compassion caress my woundedness. I commit to a somatic memory the feelings that led up to that flipped trigger. I immerse myself in self care/self-compassion/self love.
After my journal processing, I re-enter my life with a new awareness. I attend to my body, mind, and heart alert to what tatters the the threads of my spirit. These spirit threads weave through my body, mind, and heart connecting all four aspects of self. Those spirit threads are what makes me real. (They makes you real, too.) Once real, I can make choices to neutralize any triggers and be myself regardless of what slithers in the dark or reflects brightly in the light.
Unfortunately, this commitment to being me isn’t lived on a straight line from now to then. I am quite sure that the next nine months or so will see a detour or twelve. But, this year, I will not have resolutions. I am committed to planting me deep within the dark, fertile soil of my soul and attending to the whispers of dark that slither within me making room for me to grow.
How about you? How do you become objective about your life? What are you committing to in 2021?
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