Don’t

Don’t feel resentment. Don’t be angry. Don’t be afraid. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. Have you ever heard the don’ts? I have. In fact, earlier this week, I had someone tell be don’t be resentful…turn it into gratitude. Yeah, right. Like that has worked when you ignore resentment and instead force yourself to feel grateful? 

I am the kind of person who follows the rules. It has taken me decades to give myself permission to follow my heart and not some arbitrary rules. This is why the word “don’t” impacts me so much. When someone who I admire talks about not being resentful, instead to find gratitude, I twine into despair. What is wrong with me if I cannot make that leap? 

The pit of my stomach falls. Those sticky emotions — resentment, anger, and fear — have me feeling like I am doing something wrong again. Then I return to the comment about turning resentment into gratitude? Is that really true? Should we turn the those sticky feelings into gratitude? It feels like a couple of steps are missing in the process.

Let’s begin with the tendrils of resentment as they tangle around us. When ignored, they cut off our breath. How are we supposed to shift the energy of those feelings? I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a wand to wave to make them magically become gratitude. 

What do we do? Wallow in what we feel? Of course not. That would be about as productive as shifting 180 into gratitude. How about if we name it, feel it, surrender into it, thank it, and let it go?

Name It

Life has a way of going sideways during time of high emotions. Sometimes we just can’t get paste the feeling into what is at its roots. In those moments, get quiet, breathe, listen to what the emotions is saying. Have a conversation with it. Then name it.

Feel It

We’ve named the emotion. Now feel it. Letting it settle into our being. Just notice without attachment or judgement. We become an objective observer or someone who is witnessing without getting caught in the unfolding emotion. 

Surrender Into It

Just be with the emotion. Release any feelings that cling to the emotion. Maybe the feeling is self-righteousness or maybe shame. We don’t hold on to any of that. We acknowledge it, allow the root emotion and the emotion stems to flow over us without us getting caught in its tangle. The emotion runs through its life span. We gain a greater clarity about the root emotion and its tendrils.

Let It Go

Unlike surrender, letting go has an active component. We consciously and intentionally release the emotion. In this stage we discover what the tangle of emotions need to teach us. We may even feel gratitude for the lessons, the challenges that it presents. 

Being able to move from resentment or anger or fear is a process. At the end, we may feel gratitude or we may just feel the relief of understanding. It may take moments or days to move through this process. Our emotions are our emotions…they are what the are. As long as we do not use their force to hurt our self or another, then they are ours to engage and release in our own time.

 

 

Van Hurst, ms, is an intuitive-coach-catalyst. As a contemplative coach, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for navigating the mundane and extraordinary. The result of time with Van? Creating a blueprint for your life through a deeper connection to your intuition and contemplative nature. 

Van is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2022

Catapulting from Grief to Your Message

Lately a great welling of grief has flooded into an unsuspecting world. Who would have realized on January 1, 2020, that the world would experience so many challenges and face so much loss in less than a year? We often have to remind ourself of the many avalanches that have happened this year. Through the fatigue we are challenged to recognize our grief, stand in our power, and do everything we can to alleviate the suffering that percolates around us. 

All is not dire. We as individuals and as community have an opportunity that cannot be missed. That opportunity is to grow into our message. Gandhi, when asked by a reporter what his message was, simply said, “my life is my message.” Do you know what your message is? How do you discern your message when you are bombarded by the grief that overwhelms  both you and the world? 

Grief is a powerful shaper of the articulation of our message. Let’s use the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — as defined by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in this discernment. What follows is my take on using grief as a discernment spring board.

As you go through each step use full-body listening to get a detailed image of how your grief is expressed. As you answer each question, use your primary senses: sight, hearing, sensing (feeling), smell, and taste to formulate your response. Notice how your body, your mind, your spirit, and your emotions are impacted by the questions. 

Let’s begin:

Denial: What in your life are you not accepting of? What do you avoid, minimize, or misinterpret? What, in this moment, would you name as the most important denial? How is it stopping you from sharing your truth with the world?

Anger: Reflect upon those things that tangle you in denial. How does your anger stem from each? Dig beneath the anger to its roots; discover what triggers the anger inside of you. How is that root impacting your internal monologue, your emotions, your physical body? 

Bargaining: How often do you make the “if this, then that” deal? What do you bargain for? How is your anger a bargaining chip? What is the impact of this bartering on your body, mind, spirit, and heart? What triggers are you willing to neutralize by not bartering?

Depression: Let’s look at depression as feelings of hopelessness that result from reactive anger. Name what you are particularly hopeless about. How can you use the power of your anger to share your message with the world? How is your anger a nonviolent power that triggers transformation?

Acceptance: Look at the answers to the questions regarding the first four stages. Create a panoramic view of what you discovered. Recognize that while you cannot change the situation, you can shift from reaction to response.  How are your reactions and responses to grief impacting your message? What is uplifting in the lessons you are learning? How might you use this knowledge as the foundation of your message? 

Past. Present. Future. It is not just 2020 that catches us in grief. 2020 has stripped away the veneer of normalcy and asked us to peer deeply into our suffering and that of others. This exercise is not one that is meant to trap you in despair. It is meant to give you the power to catapult from the depths of your grief into your message. It is meant to clear the path of hope and compassion in an uncertain world. 

Here’s to realizing your life as your message!

 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive-Coach-Catalyst, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2020