Don’t

Don’t feel resentment. Don’t be angry. Don’t be afraid. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. Have you ever heard the don’ts? I have. In fact, earlier this week, I had someone tell be don’t be resentful…turn it into gratitude. Yeah, right. Like that has worked when you ignore resentment and instead force yourself to feel grateful? 

I am the kind of person who follows the rules. It has taken me decades to give myself permission to follow my heart and not some arbitrary rules. This is why the word “don’t” impacts me so much. When someone who I admire talks about not being resentful, instead to find gratitude, I twine into despair. What is wrong with me if I cannot make that leap? 

The pit of my stomach falls. Those sticky emotions — resentment, anger, and fear — have me feeling like I am doing something wrong again. Then I return to the comment about turning resentment into gratitude? Is that really true? Should we turn the those sticky feelings into gratitude? It feels like a couple of steps are missing in the process.

Let’s begin with the tendrils of resentment as they tangle around us. When ignored, they cut off our breath. How are we supposed to shift the energy of those feelings? I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a wand to wave to make them magically become gratitude. 

What do we do? Wallow in what we feel? Of course not. That would be about as productive as shifting 180 into gratitude. How about if we name it, feel it, surrender into it, thank it, and let it go?

Name It

Life has a way of going sideways during time of high emotions. Sometimes we just can’t get paste the feeling into what is at its roots. In those moments, get quiet, breathe, listen to what the emotions is saying. Have a conversation with it. Then name it.

Feel It

We’ve named the emotion. Now feel it. Letting it settle into our being. Just notice without attachment or judgement. We become an objective observer or someone who is witnessing without getting caught in the unfolding emotion. 

Surrender Into It

Just be with the emotion. Release any feelings that cling to the emotion. Maybe the feeling is self-righteousness or maybe shame. We don’t hold on to any of that. We acknowledge it, allow the root emotion and the emotion stems to flow over us without us getting caught in its tangle. The emotion runs through its life span. We gain a greater clarity about the root emotion and its tendrils.

Let It Go

Unlike surrender, letting go has an active component. We consciously and intentionally release the emotion. In this stage we discover what the tangle of emotions need to teach us. We may even feel gratitude for the lessons, the challenges that it presents. 

Being able to move from resentment or anger or fear is a process. At the end, we may feel gratitude or we may just feel the relief of understanding. It may take moments or days to move through this process. Our emotions are our emotions…they are what the are. As long as we do not use their force to hurt our self or another, then they are ours to engage and release in our own time.

 

 

Van Hurst, ms, is an intuitive-coach-catalyst. As a contemplative coach, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for navigating the mundane and extraordinary. The result of time with Van? Creating a blueprint for your life through a deeper connection to your intuition and contemplative nature. 

Van is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

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