Sparks in Wisdom's Fire

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Compassion: The Art of Loving Our Self

Who is the most difficult person we will ever love? I nominate our self. Why? We spend so much time in our head ruminating on what we did or what we said. Replaying situations that didn’t go as planned. We pick our self apart focusing on the imperfections while minimizing the most lovable aspects of our self.

I am not advocating that we ignore the parts of our self that we do not like or that we excuse or justify bad behavior. Truly loving our self is about loving every aspect of our self no matter how difficult it is to like that part of our self. This love looks imperfection in the eyes not as a stare down but as a gaze of compassion. A compassion that paves the way of soul purpose.

Love exposes wounds, acknowledges hurts, and soothes aches. It is a balm that heals us in ways that do not diminish the challenge of suffering; rather, it empowers us to meet the challenges with courage and grace. With our courage and grace, love permeates the self through the cracks of our woundedness. Within those healed cracks are spaces to grow into our true self.

This loving and being our true self is a spiral that grows ever wider reaching deeper into those secret places of wounds and fears. Our courage and truth seeps into those spaces empowering us to accept who we really are. We befriend the wound not to feed its festering but to intentionally soothe it with the healing balm of love. Courage shifts our perception of who we think we are into who we truly are.

How do we love our self into being our true self?

Begin each day affirming self love by gently breathing unconditional love into your being.
When you notice an imperfection, don’t run away from it or stuff it into a convenient corner. Notice it. Own it. Find the roots of its trigger. Name the lesson. Create a strategy to love the imperfection into oblivion.
Live with courageous understanding — know that you are doing your best in the moment.

In the end, we love our self not because of our words, thoughts, and actions. We love our self through our imperfections to connect to the flickering spark of sacred-extraordinary within.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Life Coach through Intuitive Connection, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Compassion & The Controlled Rock

Don’t rock the boat. Has someone ever said that to you? Even though you didn’t want to follow the advice, you might have. Maybe things were okay with no boat rocking. Or, maybe you felt an uneasiness —something wasn’t quite right when you conformed. You got more and more frustrated until you flooded that boat with your rocking.

I bet you could have rocked that boat more effectively if you weren’t so frustrated. Maybe if you had a boat rocking plan in the beginning, the outcome would have been different. Most of us who don’t like confrontation — me included — find so many ways not to bring about change until transformation is our only option. Waiting until the last minute, we often react instead of respond to conflict.

There is an art to boat rocking the doesn’t include causing a tsunami of reactions and the subsequent chaos. Let’s call it the controlled rock. This is accomplished through awareness of self, conscious courage, and curious daring. Using our intuition we formulate a plan of action that will get us maximum results from minimum rocking.

Our intuition speaks to us in every moment of every day. Sometimes we choose to listen and other times we are caught rushing from thought to thought, task to task, or distraction to distraction. Cast adrift, we lose our anchor. Our boat sails blissfully unaware into even choppier waters. Our only recourse seems reaction. But, at any point, we can engage a controlled rock.

We have a choice to turn our reactions into response. Before engaging a controlled rock, we

Calm and center our self. This may be focusing on our breath or checking in with our thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations. It may include taking a walk, listening to music, or sitting in silence. Or, it might be something else that brings us objectively into the moment.
Ask, “What is going on inside of us? What woundedness is hurting? How are our triggers poking at this woundedness?
Name the triggers and the woundedness.
Love and accept our self — imperfects, wounds, and all.
Ask, “How can we respond in loving gentle ways while bringing about effective change?”
Listen to the answers with courage and curious daring.

Any boat can be rocked in compassionate ways. But, it takes courage to create a controlled rock response instead of a rocking reaction. It takes curious daring to explore how we can affect positive change and courage to be a change agent. When we rock the boat, those droplets of potential transformation splash upon us and other. They wake us up to the awareness that change, although necessary, does not need to be frightening.

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Navigating Uncertainty in Moments of Too Much is Enough

Did you ever just want to say enough? Jump off the merry-go-round of life and hide yourself away? The uncertainty of the world was overwhelming. Finding a way forward through the cobwebs of disappointment was just too much. What do you do instead of saying enough or leaping from the merry-go-round of life?

Some will encourage you to count your blessings. And, to a certain extent, I am all for that. But, sometimes you’ve got to inject a bit of realism into what is happening. Acknowledge what is not working. Take some time to be with the disappointment, the sorrow welling up from yourself. Those are the breathing moments in which you find a balance between your suffering and your hopes and dreams.

Those moments of enough aren’t about reframing a situation and the circumstances you find yourself in. Breathing into the moment, you really feel the cobwebs of disappointment and are aware of how they tangle into every part of your being. That realization is the scary, difficult part.

It is undeniable that the cobwebs wrap us in fear. As we breathe into the moment, we move into objectivity. We set aside the everything will be all right philosophy and truly rest in the uncertainty. Non-attached, we don’t judge or defend where we find ourself. In fact, our courage propels us through the uncertainty as our curiosity seeks the best way forward.

We give up control while acknowledging that sometimes, no matter, what our optimistic projections don’t quite work out. With this realization we have a choice: we can throw up our hands in discouragement and burrow deeper into our despair or we can take life as it is. When we choose the latter, we actively feel our suffering and gain the power to create a pathway through it.

Taking life as it is really isn’t about giving up. It isn’t about making the best of a situation. No, taking life as it is requires that we are realistic. We name our challenges and the lessons we need to learn. We commit to living those answers no matter how difficult they may be.

If you are like me, you do have moments of wanting to shout “enough” from the highest rooftop. And, maybe you’ve tried to leap from merry-go-round and search for a hideaway. But, in the end, we cannot run from life. It will catch up to us. What we can do is stop, turn around, and confront those uncertainties that overwhelm and scare us.

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Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Compassion is Sticky

Compassion is sticky — an ooey, gooey, wonderful way of responding to the world. Is there a greater act than to alleviate suffering? I don’t think so. With each act of compassion comes a pinging of energy — we share compassion with another and a joyous, healed feeling returns to us. In the muck of suffering, we are healers — no matter what our profession.

But, before we get to the point of sharing compassion, we have to be willing to step in the mud. To let suffering ooze up between our toes and creep up our legs. To be splattered with our suffering or that of another while being objectively open and unconditionally loving whatever the circumstance. Think about that. Feel that image. It isn’t an easy one to embrace, is it?

When I feel the squish of suffering, my instinct is to get as far away from suffering as possible. But, then, I feel my heart beating the rhythm of compassion. It synchronizes with suffering demanding that I stay in the mud, feel the rhythm of suffering ooze around me, stay in the moment no matter how great the suffering. In my indecisiveness, I hear the whisper of compassion urging me to lean upon its strength.

To be compassionate is to be empathetic. We feel the emotions of another but do not get caught in them. We actively squish through that field of mud walking with another in whatever way alleviates their suffering. We recognize that we are not in charge of anything. We really do not even alleviate suffering so much as hold the space for another to alleviate their own suffering. We are servants of compassion.

How do we navigate as a servant of compassion? Through awareness. We are aware

of suffering and the potential to get caught by angst of suffering
of how our actions may enable the behavior that triggered suffering or that negates the lesson inherent in the suffering
that suffering is not bad or good — that’s a judgment — suffering is an opportunity for growth — ours and another’s
that suffering is not permanent. We learn the lesson, transform, and continue our life path

Suffering says, “Learn from me. Be stronger because of our interaction. Because like all things, I, too, shall pass.” The hope that shines from compassion and dries the mud of suffering sings, “you will emerge from the ooey, gooey mud of suffering, better, more authentic, and true to our self.”

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Love By Any Other Name Is…Love

Do you love with your whole heart, with every molecule of your being? Do you love with your thoughts, words, and actions? Do you love while never uttering the words, “I love you”?

Love invites us into expansiveness. Its exposes our core asking us to be vulnerable, open, humble. While love may shout from the rooftops, it is also the gentle breeze that wraps around a bruised heart or soothes the ravages of tears. Love is healing grace shared heart to heart.

Love sometimes knows no words. It simply is a smile, a gentle stroke on the arm, a gesture of inclusion. Love says in a myriad of ways, “You got this. I am proud of you. I love you. You belong.” These reminders are often uttered without one single word.

Love paves the way of opportunity. Knowing that we are loved propels us to take one more step down the unlit path of the unknown. Love holds our hand and soothes those scary thoughts of defeat and failure. Love gives us the strength to try one more time.

Love believes in potential. No matter how small the ember’s glow, love blows gently upon it. Love adds kindling of support until the sparks of possibility flare into a midnight black sky of despair. Love catches those sparks and holds them gently until we can claim them for our own.

Love powers the truth at the core of our being. It awakens our courage to be who we are. Love nudges us into acts of curious daring. Love reminds us, “It’s okay to be your own self for who else could you be?” Love is the power that propels us through the dark night into the awakening morn.

Love brightens the day. It shines into the crevices and shadows that we fear to peer into much less walk through. It shows us that there is nothing so horrid that we cannot shine from our authentic core. Love accepts us for who we are and invites us to be all that we can be no matter what the external circumstances.

From the seeds of this love spirals our beautiful true self. In our truth we give birth to compassion. Through each act of compassion, we seed love into the world. Just. Like. That.

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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Be Here Now Or Starting Where You Are

The moment is all we have. Be here now I often hear. This way of being is fine and well, but what do those words really mean? And, how can we accomplish being present in this busy world where we have ten thousand things to do and five thousand worries and regrets?

Be here now is another way of reminding us to be fully present to what is happening. When you drive a car, you drive that car. When you speak to another person, you listen intently to the verbal and nonverbal cues. You do not cut off another person because you needed to change lanes at the last minute or you do not cutting off the words of another or formulate a response during their sharing. You recognize that the nature of a conversation is to respond after the other speaks.

Most importantly, when we are in the present moment, we live in a stance of understanding. We willingly look at the world with fresh eyes. Those eyes are directed both inward and outward. We see the wonder, and distractions, of the world while perceiving our response or reaction to it. Through a stance of understanding we soften our presence in the world.

We learn from the moments in which we were not present. Think about a time in which you made an assumption, reacted from it, and discovered the fallacy in both your judgment and action. Ask yourself

How did you feel?
What were the ramifications of your reaction?
How did the situation change you?
Most importantly, what did you learn from the moment that you fell out of?

Perhaps you learned the consequences of not being in the moment — the loss of critical information, trust, or peace of mind. No matter what the lesson, if you learned it, you were propelled back onto the track of being here now.

How can you dive deeply into the moment growing roots of presence? Some suggestions:

Consciously feel the connection of your foot to the ground for five or more steps. (I often do this as I walk to the car.)
Breath into the moment for five breaths noticing how you are being distracted. At the end of this breathing, refocus on the moment.
Learn what triggers pop you out of the moment. Be on guard and aware of those triggers in each moment.

Perhaps more important than be here now, is to start where you are. When you start where you are, you have no expectations about your behavior or no need to shame or blame your reactions. What you bring to the moment is a willingness to consciously and intentional respond in the moment. And, that intent makes all the difference in the world.

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Tuesday, May 14, 2019

A Landscape of Gifts

Boxes strewn across the landscape of life. Some are works of meticulously wrapped art while others are haphazardly assembled with way too much tape. Most are somewhere in-between. Do we dare open the gifts?

Perhaps we step timidly toward a gift and carefully open it. We are eager to discover the contents yet cannot bring our self to destroy the wrapping! We may be apprehensive about what is inside and give it a shake or three. At other times we courageously bounce to the gift and tear off the paper. We are sure what is inside is exactly what we want. We may be wrong.

Each moment of everyday is a gift. Although we may desperately wish otherwise, at times, the gift might not be what we want. It may fill us with angst, trigger suffering. In those moments we have a choice. We can cast aside the gift in anger or we can allow the plethora of emotions resulting from the gift to wash over us. We realize that these waves of emotion are not meant to overwhelm but to raise awareness.

This awareness shines light on the purpose of the gift. In this light we wonder: What can we learn as we absorb the gift into our being? How does it shape the person we are becoming — the one who slumbers in the core of our being? To find those answers we daringly dig into the box. We discover that some of the answers to these ponderings are much more difficult to hear than others. Some messages, once heard, while difficult to ignore, are even more difficult to assimilate.

But, one way or another, we assimilate the gifts into our life. Sometimes we just need to open several boxes finding the same rejected gift before we learn. At some point we recognize that the gift is not going away. We either accept what it teaches us or create an endless cycle of suffering.

There is always of choice of how we use these gift-building blocks to grow into our best self. At one end of the spectrum is joyfully; at the other is bitterly. We can become bitter at the difficulties present in some of the gifts or we can find joy in the lesson they teach us. With joy, we activate the possibilities by shining our light regardless of our experience.

For each gift is a challenge. To meet the challenge we live from our soul, act from our heart, and share our presence. In doing so, we reveal our wonder to the world. That this the true gift — seeing our life as not good or bad or indifferent, but opportunity to discover the authentic spark within.

With acceptance, our spark jumps from gift to gift. We become the person we have been all along. For within each gift. be it emanating suffering or happiness, gives up the opportunity to being our personal best. We share our personal best, our gift, to the world as a pollinator of peace, a carrier of compassion, and a grower of gratitude.

What gift made the most profound difference in your life?

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Life Coach through Intuitive Connection, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa @ for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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