Compassion's Power Dance: Response

Each moment of every day is an opportunity to  make choices that draw us closer to who we truly are or cast us in to the murky shadows of who we do not want to be. I believe that most of us would say that we do not want to be “that person” who lives in the margins of reaction and struggles to step into the sunny warmth of response. All of us spend time in those gloomy shadows because, unfortunately, sometimes our triggers get the best of us. 

At the root of every reaction and every response is a trigger — something that a stirs our emotions. This catalyst may catapult fear or anger or some other unsavory emotions to the surface of our being. Caught unaware it informs our thoughts, words and actions. We react. This subsequent reaction hurts our self or another. The dankness of those shadows surround us.

A trigger does not always bring about a reaction. Sometimes our triggers are noticed before they wrap us in reaction. We feel the churning of uncertainties and feel our imperfections rise to the surface. But, we are aware of the potential for reaction. Instead of allowing this percolation to burst to the surface of our being, we lovingly acknowledge it. We gently make peace with it. We choose to respond with compassion. Just. Like. That. 

Each time we are aware of a trigger and choose to respond we are empowered. There is a Reiki symbol that means “put the power here.” For me, each response is a way of affirming that we need not be manipulated by our triggers. With each response we recognize that we can live a life of compassion. With each responsive thought, word, and action, we power our self with the light of our authenticity. 

How do we get there? The power of response is seeded in the silence of our quiet mind and nourished by the clarity of our spirit. As we learn from our triggers, we get better at listening to their cries for help.  We understand that they are not bad, but lesson-imperfections that guide us to being our best, highest self. 

So, be forgiving. Be compassionate. But, never forget the triggers that force a reaction from the depth of your being. Don’t give away your power that shines the way of your true self.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive, Coach, Catalyst, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

A Pilgrimage of the Heart

The heart yearns and the soul listens. The  response is a pilgrimage to a place where the song of your spirit sings with unfettered joy. With a yearning heart, a listening soul, and a joyful spirit, I undertook such a pilgrimage on my birthday.

Into the sunrise, I drove the almost three hours to the Great Serpent Mound, the largest earthen effigy in the world. My  eager anticipation, mimicked the lightening of the sky lightened and the sun peaking over the horizon. I wondered if the Serpent Mound of memory would be as wonderful as reality.

Of course, Siri decided to direct me down a different path. But, what is a pilgrimage unless it is tinged with the unknown and unexpected? As I turned onto Tranquility Pike, I chuckled. Did I ever need tranquility! The road was scarcely bigger than a path and had so many twists and turns. It felt like I was riding the serpent to the mound! 

Once I arrived, I breathed in the beauty of the place. After weeks of hot weather, I was graced with a fall day. I walked the mounded, practiced Tai Chi, and journaled, but mostly I let its serenity permeate my bones. I felt a resolute connection to the land and the mystery that pulsed from it. My jagged edges were soothed. I connected to my sacred spark and my spark connected to that of the Mound.

Was the pilgrimage a magic balm that made everything right in my world? No. The pilgrimage allowed me to touch upon the sacred created by an unknown community from the past. The energy of the snake twined around me and rooted deeply into my heart igniting the sacred spark within. 

That is the true nature of a pilgrimage. We travel outside of ourself not expecting a miracle, but as a means of paying homage to the divine spark within. This spark connects us to not only the the sacred but to all of creation. The pilgrimage is less a panacea for what ails us and more a gentle reminder that within  us is the capacity to live our sacred purpose in the many ways we are invited. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

We live in a time of effervescence — a joyous  never-ending rising of possibility. If we are mindful, the pop of our action follows. We must remain vigilant for we never quite know when the bubble of possibly rises and where potential pops into our life. If we listen intently to our inner wisdom, we hear the rising fizz and prepare to ride that possibility bubble to the height of our potential.

There is so  much happening in our life. When we are so in the moment, we cannot miss an opportunity when it arises. In those moments when we breathe in the anticipation possibility and potential merge to create the path of purpose. Through our breath, we experience the joy and incredible lightness of hitching a ride on that bubble. We living our soul purpose.

Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned. Sometimes we slide off the bubble and wind up where we never thought we’d be. This can trigger a time of despair and soul searching. We may ask, “Does this mean that we are a failure?” Certainly not. It is means that the bubble provided an autocorrection in our life. We wound up exactly where we needed to be. We meet a challenge or learn a life lesson.

Isn’t it exciting to be cast out of a mundane, not so reliable existence into a place that is wildly daring and curious? In a place where we daringly ride the bubble of possibility? I think so. For this place resonates with possibility when we open our fierce heart and courageously try one more time. And, one more time. And, one more time knowing that this “one more time” is the rhythm of our journey. 

In this effervescence of living, we understand that we control nothing but our response. It takes vulnerability to accept that within every emotion, every situation, every person is the power to change us. It takes humility to accept that another may not be changed by the interaction. Fiercely remind yourself that you have no control over the healing of another. You can only heal yourself. 

So, choose to heal. Practice self compassion. Forgive yourself and others. Give your self permission to release any grudges while not forgetting the lesson. Know that the next effervescent bubble is beckoning you to be your best, truest self.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Life's Little Road Blocks

Sometimes on the road to the future we happen  upon a barrier. We come upon a wall that prevents us from reaching a milestone. Instead of being discouraged when that happens, how about peering through the slats of the fence to see the possibilities just beyond the barrier? Look at the barrier as a way station — a place to regroup, take a breath, mindfully engage our spirit as a powerful means of reframing the situation.

For within each barrier is the ability to reframe through discernment. This thoughtful process is one of reflection and introspection. During discernment, we

• are present to the situation by noticing without judgment or defense what we are feeling. We name our experience using all of our senses.
• recognize that there is no shame in our reactions to the barrier and no blame for the barrier’s appearance.
• We welcome the barrier as a time of respite, of regrouping, and of recreating our path.

Through discernment we move through the initial phases of the reframe. Next, we notice what is happening and what we have control over. We name what is outside our sphere of influence. Naming both of these empowers us to create a new perspective. We move from feelings of hopelessness to filling with potential and possibility. 

Think about this — is there something that you really wanted — a job, a car, a relationship, a home, or something else — that you were prevented from obtaining? The barrier that appeared stopped you from gaining the future that you had planned. In the reframe, perhaps you find another path that leads to another goal that is more satisfying or more in alignment with your sol purpose. 

For example: a friend of mine did not get a job he wanted. In retrospect, he said it was a great thing. He started a nonprofit more in alignment with his soul purpose. He, and the nonprofit, have thrived. This would not have happened if he had devoted his time and energy to the mission of the first organization. 

Barriers are not bad; they are not good. They challenge us to look at our lives and discover what is important; what we really need. And, in that discovery lies the power of our soul purpose.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is an Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for personal and relationship transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Being in the Moment for that Moment

Close your eyes. Breath. Feel the flow move into  your lungs and through your body. Each gust of breath moves you deeper into your self. Maybe you feel a letting go, a relaxation. Perhaps you are energized. Or, maybe you are nonattached to the breath’s flow. However you experience your breath, when you are aware of it, you are in the moment for that moment. 

Being in the moment for that moment is our life quest. Sometimes we do it better than other times. We’ve all had those days when we set our intent to be our best authentic self. Instead of showing up that way, we get triggered by the littlest and biggest things. Cast out of the moment, we despair that we will ever find our way home.

Then there are the other days when being nonattached to the world around us is effortless. We are in the flow of our breath and connect to the world with our compassionate response. We can hear our inner wisdom as it wafts up on the exhale and dives deeply with each inhale. We see the hooks that reach out to snag us and deftly avoid their piercing. 

How can we live the latter instead of the former? By developing a contemplative practice. When we spend even 90 seconds in a mindful activity, we retrain our body, mind, emotions, and spirit to crave a connection to our inner wisdom. And, in strengthening this connection, we not only become more intuitive, but we live in ways that transform more than our self — we plant seeds of change in others and the world. 

How can you develop a contemplative practice? Start where you are! Even if you feel you cannot devote 30 minutes at one time, perhaps you can schedule 30 total minutes over the course of the day. Suggestions:

• 5-15 minutes in the morning powers your intent for the day and calms your spirit for the day
• 5-10 minutes midday reconnects you to the calm
• 5-15 minutes in the evening quiets the tumult of the day and prepares you for relaxed sleep. 

What does a contemplative practice look like? My practice includes:

• In the morning I lay quietly and breathe into the day as I wait for my alarm to sound. As an alternative, I might also journal to begin the day.
• Midday I may go for a brief walk, focus on my breathing, or do some simple Tai Chi or Qi Gong.
• In the evening, I may journal, walk, sit quietly as I decompress.

There are no rules as to what you do during this time. What matters is connecting to your core and seeding peace. In time, even in the most tumultuous circumstances, you will find your way back home.   

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Compassion Speaks: The Practical Contemplative

Contemplative and practical are two  words that don’t quite seem to fit together. A contemplative spends time in solitude praying, right? Well, not always. The contemplative brings that quiet reflection into whatever she* is doing. so, you may be in the presence of a contemplative and not even realize it. 

A practical contemplative reflects her relationship with the sacred in her thoughts, words, and actions. While her contemplative spirit may not always be reflected in her words and actions, she is aware of how thoughts, emotions, and patterns trip her up. Instead of being mired in deep despair when she falls into traps of reaction, she retreats into reflection and introspection determined to learn; and, in doing so, shifts from reactionary into response. 

Compassion speaks through the practical contemplative. For although she has cultivated a reflective/introspective way of being; like all of us, she sometimes flips out of the moment into the real where anything can happen and usually does. The practical contemplative knows that this falling out of the moment is inevitable. She is pragmatic about her less than stellar, reactive moments. To her, they signs to stop and regroup. They are learning moments.

In those falling from moments, and when she returns to mindful moments, she submerses herself in self compassion. This balm not so much heals her imperfections but gives her the courage to blow upon the embers of her being relighting the spark of her authenticity.

There are two compassionate aspects to being a practical contemplative. One stems from he compassionate realization that she is imperfect. She perceives her imperfections not as failures but as vehicles for transformation. The second aspect reflects in her ability to share compassion in its many forms with others. The practical contemplative is strong enough to hear the wisdom voice of compassion and act upon it. 

Practical. Contemplative. Two words that when combined invite us to be our best self as we sail through the world of uncertainties on our boat of imperfections. Join me on the sea!

*Please note: practical contemplatives can be any gender — I am just using feminine pronouns! 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Compassion: Power to Truth

Sometimes truth beats so strongly deep in our soul that, even if it defies logic, we believe it. This truth is so compelling that we cannot ignore it; we must compassionately act upon it.

Have you ever felt a truth so fierce that you knew it was accurate but had no way to prove it? What did you do?

It takes courage to act upon a truth so fierce that it dares us to navigate the waters of uncertainty and curiously hold strong to the power of truth regardless of what others would say. Power to truth requires that we stay the course while not harming or hurting others. Power to truth asks that our responses resonate from our authentic self. 

Have you ever wondered why truth is so difficult for some to accept? Why some, maybe even you and me at times, fight against it? Perhaps you remember a time when you, or someone else, loudly proclaimed that the truth was a lie and a lie was the truth. A google search turns up many articles of why we are more likely to believe a lie over the truth. 

Have you ever wondered why someone is vilified for speaking a truth that exposes a lie? If you ask me, I’d say that it is about herd mentality. This following along with the crowd is based upon the fear of being ostracized. We would no longer belong if we saw through the illusion of the lie and acted upon the truth hidden within.

There are lies so powerful that the collective is unwilling to disturb the status quo by confronting them. We can point to the big lies — those at a national or international level where leaders twist their words into whatever is the alternative version of the truth in that moment but, in reality, is a lie no matter what moment. I suggest that we go deeper into our every day lives to discover the lies embedded within our lived experience. We uncover those lies by practicing compassion as we live power to our truth. 

We have all experience those little lies. Here are two examples:

• A situation at work that everyone sees, but no one in management is willing to acknowledge or address. When it is brought to attention of leadership and a resolution is requested, the issue’s existence is denied or the truth sayer is gaslighted.
• Problems in a relationship that speak to incompatibility are recognized. When attempting to speak truth to the concerns, barriers to resolution are erected. Again, lies prevail and the truth sayer is gaslighted. 

When either of these situation occur, or something else, we have two choices. We can deny what we know is true or we can live in the power of our truth. While ignoring the lie is in the short term easier, it allows the lie to fester. Unchecked, it grows into an unmanageable monster. The latter choice is a much more difficult one. With that choice, we respond from our authentic core not only believing the truth but also having trust and confidence in our self. The energy behind the lie dissipates.

Within each truth is the voice of our intuition. When we accept the power of truth, we open our self to the many ways that intuition serves as our life navigator. As the intuitive messages we receive are verified — because they will be — we know clearly, that we are not mad in an uncertain world. No, we fully feel the power of truth and know that when we believe it, truth’s power manifests in ways that matter. We act upon truth, and our authentic self manifests in ways that matter. 

Wishing you the power of your truth! 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Nurturing Our Compassionate Heart

Our compassionate heart is nurtured by our intent  and our action. Both are equally important to our compassionate spirit. Of course, life interferes; we get busy. The connection between our intent and action becomes blurred. In life’s whirlwind, we miss or ignore opportunities to share compassion. While our heart may be willing, our actions do not mirror our compassionate intent. What can we do? 

Through conscious awareness, we lay a foundation on which the connection between our intent and action strengthens. We start by practicing awareness and letting our compassionate heart expand into the world. We envision a bridge between our intent and action. 

The image of a bridge is sometimes used as a metaphor for the spiritual life. Bridges are built across great spans; we may not even be able to see one side from the other. We trust that the bridge we cross is secure although we seldom think about the bridge’s structure. Of course, each of its parts serves a specific purpose and contributes to the safety and integrity of the bridge. The bridge’s substructure includes a foundation and pilings or pillars. On that sturdy base, a deck is laid and cables are strung. All of the bridge’s parts, when built with integrity, ensure a safe journey. 

Similarly, our compassionate nature is strengthened within the foundation of consciousness where we form our intentions. By adopting a foundational consciousness built upon certain principles, our life begins to reflect our authentic being. These principles are to cause no harm, to alleviate suffering, and to take life as it is. The foundational consciousness we create is a sturdy base resting upon several pillars. As we nurture our consciousness, the pillars grow deep roots into this awareness. Our conscious intent triggers action through the pillars. 

Through ever deepening awareness, we engage our role as a sharer of compassion with our self, our families, co-workers, and members of our local, national, and global communities. This foundational consciousness, supported by the life pillars, forms the base of our bridge of compassion. As we cross the bridge, we live intentionally and begin to transform not only our self but also the world around us. 

Excerpt from Engaging Compassion Through Intent and Action by Vanessa F. Hurst. Available at www.wildefyrpress.com. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Compassion's Breath in Pre-Alarm Moments

Most mornings I wake to the velvet darkness of  night wrapped gently around me. In those pre-alarm moments, I breathe into the day connecting to the quiet in my mind. Those few moments before the spinning top in my mind gains speed are exquisite. In the silence, I connect fully to my core. This connection prepares me for the day.

It is inevitable that the alarm rings reminding me that I must leave my cocoon of calm and rest to meet the day. Once up, I move from task to task as the spinning top of my mind revs. It is easy to slip from the moment in anticipation of what the day may hold. To stay in the moment, I hold the somatic memory of peace created in those pre-alarm moments.

Before stepping across the threshold into the world, I reconnect to my morning silence. I ask myself, “What is your intent for the day?” Some days it is specific — to be anchored in the calm during a particularly challenging situation. But, most days my intent is to be a compassionate, joy-filled presence in however I am called.

Believe it or not, staying connected to my intent takes ongoing mindfulness and intentional discernment. I have been told that my energy is high and it is difficult for some to relate to me because of my frequency. When I am intentionally compassionate and joyful, my energy is amplified. So, I must be aware how my interactions trigger tangible and intangible responses and reactions of others. I continually read the room and then respond in the most appropriate way. 

To be sidelined by the behavior of another that pokes at my triggers is to lose connection to my intent. I choose to be aware of how I am being impacted and consciously allow the disquiet that leads to reaction to move through and out of me. Focusing my awareness of the trigger for even 90-seconds dissipates the reactionary force behind it. What remains is the power of response. 

Those pre-alarm moments are my time to set intent. With each breath, I anchor into my stated intent. With each breath, I acknowledge any angst while clearing its residue from my being. With each breath, I recommit to my intent. These moments provide the energy to sustain me during the most trying, most trigger-ridden circumstances during the day.

So, my intent that grows from my soul purpose is to be a presence of joy and compassion in the world. My actions, when I am in the moment, are powered by this intent. How does you intent power your actions?  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Compassion's Journey into the Land of Enough

The sun rose in the Land of Enough. It glinted off wild berries  growing in brambles and cast diamond dust in the dew clinging to grass blades. My eyes drank in the beauty of the moment — the abundance showered upon the world each time nature breathed. In those moments I and the world were one. We were enough. 

Living the philosophy of enough is rooted in living simply. Each day we are challenged to question what we truly need and what is an extravagance best left untouched. When we embrace the philosophy of enough we recognize that not all extravagances are incompatible with living simply. Sometimes those seeming extras provide a sheen to our world that empowers us to move past our fears and sorrows into a place of reframed gratitude.

What is this philosophy of enough? Merriam-Webster defines enough as fully meeting demands, needs, and expectations. Living in enough, we name our demands, needs, and expectations. Next we discern if each is really vital to our existence. 

• We ask if our desire contributes to living an authentic life. 
• We ponder what is truly a need and what is a want. 
• We evaluate our expectations as life giving or soul depleting. 

Each answer give us the grace to honestly decide what that piece of enough means for us. In this discernment we know that there are really no right or wrong answers. There are only answers best suited to us in that moment.

Joan Chittister in her book Wisdom Distilled from the Daily provides an example of living the philosophy of enough. She wrote about living simply and discerning a simple life. One person might purchase items that are considered an extravagance to another — an expensive car or better made clothing. They may use these items for many years. Their idea of simple is to spend more on things that last longer. What may appear to being living past enough is living within the philosophy. Again, there is no right or wrong — each of us must decide our own path.

During reflection and introspection, we may decide that our expectations are not reasonable. We shift to more reasonable expectations and this change in perception makes a difference. For example, we shift from being content in a relationship or a job to living to our greatest potential within them or leave them to discover our true calling. When we live from enough, we create fertile soil in which we grow who we are. What we honestly feel from the core becomes present in our interactions in the world. 

Today as the sun rises on the Land of Your Enough, what does it look like? How does the sun reflect upon your desires, needs, and expectations? The answer to that questions is found in being happy, finding joy, and knowing that your enough is as dynamic and evolving as you are.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Accepting The Truth: A Practice of Self Compassion

Illusions are tricky things. Sometimes they create an image of  success without a strategic roadmap to follow. These illusions foster a false sense of security. Other illusions are built upon our fears and perceived failures. These illusions are cracks in the foundation of our hope. Both create potholes in the path of living our soul purpose. To reconnect to our soul purpose, we must enter the shadows and confront our illusions.

Stepping into the shadows and confronting our illusions are scary propositions. One single step might as well be a thousand miles for all the fear we have heaped upon the thought of acting. Adding layer upon layer of angst ridden assumptions and judgments, we can scarcely recognize the truth in the illusion. Yes, truth is at the base of every illusion. Each grows from a tiny seed of truth cracked open by our fears and nourished by our despair.

That truth can be as innocuous as not getting a coveted job or not articulating your truth in a way that is understood by others. Both are based in truth — you didn’t get the job; you weren’t understood. Fact — but, an illusion of failure is in no way representative of the truth at the foundations of the facts. There are so many factors that contribute to this truth. Letting go of the illusion, we are given the space to rewrite our truth. The first step is to stop being so hard on yourself. 

Both of these examples have happened to me. The interview for a coveted job ended abruptly. To this day I am not quite sure why. I can make assumptions, but I never received the requested feedback from the organization to truly understand why. It took me months to heal that festering illusion of failure. When I finally stepped into the shadow, I recognized that I might never know the why. What I did recognize is that there are a better, more compassionate ways than ghosting to say, “No, thank you. You are not right for this job.”

Misunderstandings during conversations happen more often than we realize. I have been caught on both sides of that equation. It takes intentional listening and compassionate response to surge past the illusion of misunderstanding to gain clarification. To reach clarity, we step courageously into the shadows and ask the curiously daring questions for which we fear the answers.

Our world is filled with so much truth that often hides in the shadows. That truth has the potential to clear away illusions so that we trust what we and trust our self. It takes courage to stop spending our time fearing the shadows and their growing illusions so that we can take a step into the shadows and use our spark to light our way to truth. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create effective strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Compassion Asks, "Why Can't We Get Along?"

When I was young, I remember watching a  sci fi flick (I think it was War of the Worlds). In it, a priest attempted to befriend aliens. He was annihilated by their weapons. About the same time as watching this movie, I remember being encouraged to be friends with everyone. Neither situation took into consideration that there might be something untenable, harmful, in the interaction. Or, maybe we relied on the belief that we are suited in the kevlar of privilege and nothing could happen to us. 

What I have learned is that relationship is not possible with everyone. In fact, sometimes it is okay not interact with another. And, that does not make us bad people. It is not a reflection on our humanity. It in no way highlights our wrongness. Rather, it highlights our power of discernment. Discerning enough to see a world filled with beautiful colors and plenty of gray while recognizing that gray comes from a mixture of black and white — so black and white does exist. 

When answering, “Why can’t we all get along?” let’s look at the roots of heinous acts and what a compassionate response entails. Where there is suffering, compassion asks us to stand in our power and be a protector while reminding our self that it is perfectly okay not to get along with perpetrators of suffering. 

It is a gaslighting fallacy to believe that we must get along with all people or that there is something wrong with our humanity because we choose to not engage another who has committed harmful acts. We know at the core of our being that we cannot get along with everyone. Not getting along with someone does not give us the right to harm a person or cause suffering. To choose not to engage another person is an act of self compassion.

I get that we are all human. Instead of accepting the premise that we are part of the problem, compassion asks that we be true to our self. We compassionately hold others accountable for their actions. We practice self compassion by only inviting those we trust into our circle. No harm, no foul comes from this trust.  

The word respect gets bandied about a lot. “Respect others,” we are told. Now that is tricky, for we respect the goodness in another while holding them compassionately accountable for the harm that their words and actions do. To respect while not holding them accountable is to invite them into our circle of influence giving them additional fertile ground to cause harm. And, that is not the practice of compassion.

Almost two years ago, I began an incredible learning experience that continues to this day. Although I’ve shed tears, felt anger and despair, I have been given incredible opportunities to be the emissary of compassion. During this time, I have discovered what it means to be privileged as a white woman. And, how incredibly privileged I am despite my challenges. 

As a result of my intentional learning, I now have relationships with people whose fears I cannot even imagine: What might happen to them because of the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their gender identification, their ethnicity, or their country of origin. Those fears are just the tip of the iceberg.

I might never be able to understand the harshness of their experiences, but I can better understand the unevenness that is bred by privilege. And, I can better understand the detrimental effects the hate-fear spewing of others has upon both individuals and the collective consciousness. That is why I hear compassion say, “To get along may appear to condone the harmful actions of another. Sometimes we cannot all get along because we must protect the vulnerable in our midst. Respect others at their core, but hold them to my standard — the Compassion standard.” 

As we grow an inclusive, diverse community, we must ask ourselves over and over again, “Why can’t we all get along?” When circumstances do not permit us to form a cohesive community, we must ask our self, “What needs to happen to create an inclusive, diverse, welcoming community?” The answers are about resetting social norms and societal exceptions while reaffirming what is right and true and compassionate. 

In my book, A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships, I write about the importance of discernment in relationships. We do not have to be friends with everyone. In fact, when we indiscriminately form relationships, we wear so many faces that, ultimately, we lose our self. The purpose of relationship is to discover who we are and shine that light on the core of another. We need not and must not share this intimacy with everyone. 

Let’s return to the question that Compassion asks, “Why can’t we all get along?” Because some live by norms that are inherently hurtful and harmful to others. And, like addressing the bully on the playground, we need to find a way to encourage them to live by a set of norms fashioned by compassionate response. Until we all live by this set of life changing norms, there will be an inability for us all to get along. In this uncertain world and with each of our imperfections, that is perfectly okay. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Life Coach through Intuitive Connection, creates effective strategies for transformation by connecting her clients to their intuition. She is a professional speaker and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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