The more you hold on to what was, the slippery it becomes. In a surprising moment it will slide free of your clinging grasp. Detached, you plunge into change.
How many times have you held on to something long past the time it brought you peace and balance? This could be a job that no longer suited, a relationship grinding to a slow halt, or a situation that just doesn’t fit anymore. Instead of letting whatever go, you gripped more and more tightly.
You might have found that the situation, the relationship, the job, whatever you clinged to got slipperier and slipperier until it eventually slid from your grip. As it slipped out of your life, perhaps you got a friction burn on your soul. I bet that it hurt more than you ever thought letting go would.
Letting go is one of the toughest things that I have ever done. Perhaps you can say the same. I remember a relationship that I continued to contort myself to fit. Intuitively I knew that no matter how much of a pretzel I made myself into, my contortions would never be enough. My clinging behavior wasn’t healthy, but I couldn’t stop holding so tight.
Eventually the relationship slipped from my grasp. And, yeah, I had friction burns along my soul. Those took a long time to heal. This experience is not one I’d like to have again any time soon.
In retrospect there were many signs that I had convinced myself that the frayed rope of that relationship was repairable. I was wrong. Only later did I realize that it wasn’t the relationship that I couldn’t let go of — it was the fantasy, the illusion that I had created about this “perfect” man I was lucky to spend the rest of my life with.
I wonder how many things, people, or situations we cling to not because of what they are authentically but because of the fantasy or illusion we create about them. How many friction burns on our soul could we avoid if we were just honest with our self? Probably a lot.
So, what do you do?
- Ask the tough question — “What am I clinging to?”
- Listen to the answer. Name it. The naming can be a general statement or provide greater clarity about the situation.
- Dig deeper into your clinging with the question “Why am I holding on?” Answering that why gets you closer to identifying the underlying fantasy, the illusion that wraps so tightly around you that your reasons for holding on are obscured.
- Then ask, “What will my life look like when I let go and free fall into peace and balance?” Paint a picture with images, words — put your thoughts and emotions into it!
This practice helps you gain perspective. Maybe you find a way to let go of what is fed by the fantasy, the illusion, while still being in the situation. With new perspective your grip loosens. Instead of being attached or detached, you become nonattached. Within the non-attachment, you find balance and peace.
Or, you realize it is time, without drama, without angst, to let go. You free fall into a new way of being. With the decision to be nonattached you create the path to a soft landing in a place of peace and balance.
I’ve discovered that when I don’t let go, the plunge into change can be a slippery ride down the slope of illusion and fantasy. When I let go my free fall becomes a controlled glide into the new, a place of balance and peace.
Life is about letting go of the fantasy, the illusion. It is about trusting that your free fall into change will be peaceful. It is about your letting go, your choice.
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