Trapped in the Shenpa of this Moment: Self Compassion

Sometimes an unexpected encounter provides the greatest healing of all. I ran into a person I knew from a decade or so ago. Instead of directing the conversation, I engaged. We moved beyond past difficulties. I felt relief. Maybe we had gone past the unevenness and could be cordial with one another. 

Then the unexpectedly expected happened, she mentioned a mutual friend — someone who had triggered hurt I thought had healed. Old feelings rapidly ascended surprising me. And a voice inside said, “Wow! I guess that you have not let go of those feelings of abandonment and betrayal.” 

Instead of using the snark of my hurt to power a reaction, I listened to the voice within that said, “How much of your inability to move forward is trapped in the shenpa revealed in this moment?”

A simple definition of this Buddhist term, shenpa, is what hooks us. It is those memories, triggers, and life stuff that twists and turns us, pretzeling our spirit until we can no longer touch the grace, be the truth, of who we are. We get so used to the contortion that it becomes a comforting friend.  

I recognized my epiphany. The moment no longer was one of indignation based upon my view of how I had been treated versus how I would have responded to a person in my situation. This wasn’t about my truth versus the truth of another. No, I was being given an opportunity to recognize a deep hurt that unacknowledged had just strengthened a pattern of suffering in my life.

How do we let go of the catalyst of our suffering? How can we release the shenpa and become the best person we are? Begin by acknowledging the hurt. Don’t hide it. Don’t minimize it. You can admit the hurt to yourself and vow not to hold on to it one moment longer without releasing it by spewing any of the suffering venom at another. 

Clean the fog from the lenses of your being by forgiving yourself for the suffering that holding on to this hurt perpetuated. Really feel the corrosive nature of this hurt that just burns into you — not another — until you let it go. The practice of self compassion begins with awareness. The process of healing begin with self compassion. 

Uncovering another festering layer of hurt means more than just forgiving ourself. We turn to the others involved and authentically forgive them. That is the twofold way to neutralize the shenpa — internal and external authentic action. We no longer ignore the hurt but lay the pain bare. We befriend the ugliness. And me? Well, I made peace with myself knowing that I was not so much betrayed and abandoned by another but that ultimately in the experience, I had betrayed and abandoned myself.  

This is one of those compassion is difficult moments. Each of those steps requires self compassion. With each letting  go of shenpa, the suffering diminishes and I become a stronger, more durable, truer me. You can, too.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

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