Upon our life canvas we paint a glorious night sky that is unique to each of us. In the array of stars, we are Polaris, the North Star of our sky. Each person, each part of creation is a star twinkling against the indigo backdrop. Here in the inky darkness of our night sky, we connect to others in relationship. These connections create a vibrant, dynamic constellation. Each interaction, no matter the duration, impacts and influences our constellation of connections. A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships
It is inevitable in our constellation of connections that strands strung to another person become brittle and shred. Relationships we felt would last forever are suddenly no longer. It doesn’t matter if this relationship was romantic partner, a family member, a friend, or a colleague. The relationship ends, and we are cast adrift in suffering. We are bereft and grieve the loss.
Sometimes we cannot let go of the other person. We spend time questioning why our relationship ended, assigning blame, and feeling shame for our role in the dissolution. We want a do over to reforge the connection. We want what we want instead of asking what is necessary to our evolution. We forget that our constellation of connections is dynamic and evolving as it creates an environment for us to live fully.
In the aftermath of a shredded a connection we do not realize that we have evolved. We don’t recognize that the relationship no longer served our best self or the best self of our partner. To transform into our best, most authentic self (and to allow the other the same grace), we must be open to transitioning our relationships. The reality is that some become more durable, while others fracture.
The suffering seeping from the fracture is real. We can choose to be stuck in the pain and attempt to resuscitate the relationship or we can use the energy of our suffering to meet our challenges and move forward. Choosing the latter propels us into the reconfiguration of our constellation. This revitalized constellation of connections reveals our best, truest self.
Reconfiguration is the hard part. I’ve found myself in situations where I do almost anything to keep a connection no matter how stressed. Then one day, the connection fractures and the resulting shrapnel impairs other relationships. I must decide whether to focus on other viable relationships in my constellation or continue to force a connection that I should let go.
I feel the grief no matter if I hold on tight or let go. I go through the stages of grief that is a ricocheting back and forth of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Through the suffering triggered by my loss, I learn. In this trial, I become more durable. As a contemplative in relationship, I focus my attention on the sacred and listen to the voice of my inner wisdom. I am healed as I learn the lessons inherent in the relationship.
Maybe later, I am able to connect in a different way to the person whose strand is broken. Maybe not. Maybe I navigate through or around the black hole created by the relationship that is no more. No matter what, I continue to evolve my constellation of connections. I accept that I am not a failure for within the fragility of each connection, I see the potential twinkling in my own divine spark. I live through relationship as I follow my divine spark, my truth north, that leads me to my most authentic self. You can, too.
Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.
Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018
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