Free to Be: You & Me

“I want to be like you,” she said.

“I want to be like me, too…the me who dances to the rhythm of my truth…who sings compassion’s lullaby…who lives with curious daring.” said I. “And, I want you to be like you.”

This world is a narrow avenue lined high with tottering boxes of expectations and fears. Who we are might not fit neatly into those boxes. In those moments of authenticity those boxes threaten to cascade upon our heads. Illusion or authenticity? It seems either choice comes with pitfalls of suffering. 

Our community, culture, even workplaces can have expectations of us that are difficult if not impossible to meet. Maybe we can breathe through the fear of not meeting those expectations only to discover that we are living in relationship with family, a partner, or a friend who has subtle expectations we have been valiantly trying to live up to. We might not even be aware that our life was fashioned in another’s image. In an effort to be those expectations, we lose our self.

For a while we may delude our self into being okay with the illusion we have cast. We may convince our self that this is a new, better version of our authentic presence. We might even believe that we are the person others expect us to be. Our outward appearance may reflect the illusions: high heels and short skirts, toning down a hairstyle, removing piercing, covering up tattoos. We may change our spirituality and attend a church that is outside our belief system. We may stifle our political views.

And, we kept telling our self consciously and unconsciously that we have to be open minded. Maybe the other person or society knows us better than we know our self. Maybe the experience based upon another’s expectations is an important part of our journey to authenticity. Maybe, just maybe, that box is an okay home. We say to our self, “Even if I believe that being wild and free is better than being domesticated, I am probably wrong.” 

No matter how much we talk our self into the new, improved illusion, the tremors at the core of our being are felt. The more we refuse to identify that this new way is an illusion not a reflection of who we are, the stronger the quakes. We look for the causes of those quakes never quite realizing that they are the voice of our authenticity screaming to be heard.

These quakes shake loose our confidence. We may be filled with fear and feelings that we are not quite enough. The more we deny or ignore these internal rumblings, the greater the chaos. The tectonic plates shift with increasing violence. In the resulting explosion, anger spews from deep inside. We may react violently to others or the anger may spiral the illusion of who we are not deeper into our being. Despair fills us.

This anger brings with it the message of freedom. No matter how much we attempt to dampen it, this anger will not be denied. Unless we make changes shifting the reaction to a response, it continues to punch through our barriers and explode outward. Others are caught in the shrapnel of anger. Of course, they have no clue that this anger is your reaction to the illusions that trap you. Your anger ignored had no other option but to punch a hole from which the illusion could seep. Your anger was the voice that says, “I want to be free to be me.” 

Free to Be Me. The illusion of who we are not need not end in an anger-generated explosion. We can choose to love our self, be self-compassionate, and be courageously authentic. These will be the acid that eats through the illusion before it takes root. This trifecta shines the light on our truth. And, with our truth exposed and accepted, we can forgive our self for falling into the illusion cast by expectations of others.

Our authentic self beats a rhythm of compassion, courage, and curious daring. Joy is the melody that awakens the possibility of who we are. We fly on the wings of courage and curious daring as we share our self with the world. We soar into freedom. Free to be me. Free to be you.

“I want to be like me,” she said.

“I want to be like me, too,” I said. 

Together we are free.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com.

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging  Compassion Through Intent & Action.

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