I blame you. You blame me. Within the cycle of pointing fingers, we get stuck in a quagmire of anger and mistrust and impotency. Maybe, if we are feeling particularly stuck, we retaliate. The blame game escalates. Together, we get to the top of the escalator. Instead of recognizing the final outburst as a culmination of the steps that led to it, we hold the person or people who initiated the final action 100% responsible for the issue. We really have someone we can blame now. Yet, nothing is resolved in our finger pointing. We continue to blame and ignore other factors and people involved. No one wins.
Lately the blame game seems to be played everywhere. Just turn on the 24-hour news and see indiscriminate finger pointing. Talk to a friend, listen to a coffee shop conversation (It is not eavesdropping if the people are talking too loud. Oops! Did I just blame? :-) ) Everyone has an opinion. We’ve forgotten or do not even know how to listen, reflect, and respond. We’ve forgotten that within us is a twinkling spark of compassion waiting to connect to the twinkling spark in another.
I find myself wondering, how:
- Do we move past opinion?
- Accept responsibility for our role in what is occurring?
- Take a step or two down the escalator?
- Find a way out of the quagmire?
- Turn the blame game into something constructive?
The old structures, the current ways of doing things, just don’t work anymore. I believe the answer lies is tweaking the old structures. I am not a proponent of tossing out the old and starting over. I believe in building upon what we have. Maybe this is a throwback to my parent’s philosophy of not tossing out anything. They found a way to reuse almost everything until it was worn beyond use. They saw value where another saw junk.
I am not about clutter, but about innovation using what we currently have, revamping it into something that we can use anew. As we restructure what is happening in the world from reaction to response, the framework shifts from blame to responsibility. We cannot change the past but we can take responsibility and impact our world positively. We can build upon what we hold in common at our cores. This paradigm shift can only happen in the present moment through open mindedness and intent.
Finger pointing is a mindless activity. While it is important to understand the foundation of the situation, dwelling on it is counterproductive. This does not mean that those building blocks do not impact our actions going forward. They do. We might choose not to work with someone or withhold trust because of a past experience. We might choose not to engage in certain activities because of our prior experiences. This is not holding on to blame, it is objectively ensuring the best, most transformational outcome.
Letting go of blame means we are compassionate to our self and others. This compassion ventures into the land of I love you enough. With this form of compassion, we might decide not to interact with someone while taking care not to harm or hurt them. If nothing else, our actions are compassionately benign. We cannot change the past, but we need not compound its effects in the present. Choosing not to blame means being objectively forgiving in full awareness of the past. It is deciding not to get on that escalator while having compassion for those who find themselves at the top. And acknowledging that they did not get to the top alone. They had help.
Through mindfulness we deescalate the blame game and begin the difficult process of healing wounds and transforming our piece of the world. By withholding blame, we feed a paradigm shift of transformation by compassion. The transformative power of compassion intensifies as we recognize that the problem isn’t out there. Nor is the solution. Both lie within us. Change occurs when we, individually and collectively, transform the world one healing act at a time. In doing so, we move from the blame game into a world of compassionate healing.
Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com.
Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.
Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017
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