A Long Loving Look

Remember waking on January 1^st with great intentions and creating a slew of New Year’s resolutions? Then by February 1^st realizing that there was no way to continue on with those resolutions? How many times have we believed that this is the year that we will transform our lives? Yet, as the days march into weeks and then into months, we find our self sliding back into old ruts. We are unable to sustain new patterns as the lure of old habits is too enticing.

I wonder how many of us have taken a long, loving look at our lives before creating those New Year’s resolutions. What happens when we create an intentional plan based upon a realistic view of our goals in light of our capabilities? What happens when we stretch our self a bit instead of overextending our self? The answer to both questions is that we have a better chance of transformation through reasonable resolutions.

How do we take that long, loving look? The first step is to designate at least one hour for self-reflection. During this time, reflect upon past learnings and successes. You might want to focus on a period of time no longer than the past year.

Some reflection points:

What are your successes?

What about them makes them successes?

What do you wish had gone differently?

What did you learn from those challenges?

After responding to each question, spend a few moments in silence.

Breathe into those moments of perceived success. Honor the steps that you have taken toward transformation. Name how you have transformed. Anchor in those life giving changes you have made. Celebrate the successes. (You may want to dance, sing, shout — use your body, mind, spirit, and heart to celebrate.)

Breathe into those moments of challenge. Notice how your body, mind, spirit, and heart react to your answers. Consciously and intentionally breathe compassion into any part of your body that is holding angst, anger, or feelings of failure. Forgive yourself for perceived failures as you breathe compassion into your thoughts, your emotions, and your spirit. Shower yourself with the grace of self-compassion. Affirm that while you cannot change the past, you can use the learnings to transform in this, and subsequent, moments.

Then, return to those findings you unearthed during reflection. Ask yourself, “How do I want to continue?” “What do I need to tweak to stay on course?” Answer these questions intentionally. Your resolutions or goals for the New Year are birthed from this assessment. Decide what next steps will move you toward your goals and life purpose. What small things can you do today that make a big difference in the tomorrows? How will your transformation mirror who you are in the ground of your being?

This is your long loving look.

Resolutions are not static. They are evolving, dynamic, and flexible. Instead of promising that you will hold on to your resolutions for a year, try them on for 21-days. On day 21, take another long, loving look — how did those resolutions work? Are your goals reachable using the current resolutions? How do you need to tweak your plan? Then do so. Remember, you haven’t failed, you are modifying your plan in order to obtain personal transformation. The resolutions aren’t the object; they are the means of obtaining the goal — sustained transformation.

We live in community. Sometimes you need a bit of help on your journey. A mindful coach guides your journey from identifying goals to creating plans to facilitating the process of transformation. Interested? Contact me for more information. Ask about the New Year special! (Appointments available in person, Skype, or by phone.)

Vanessa F. Hurst is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom in all she touches. Contact Vanessa

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: ContemplativeRelationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com