Compassion's Breath in Pre-Alarm Moments

Most mornings I wake to the velvet darkness of  night wrapped gently around me. In those pre-alarm moments, I breathe into the day connecting to the quiet in my mind. Those few moments before the spinning top in my mind gains speed are exquisite. In the silence, I connect fully to my core. This connection prepares me for the day.

It is inevitable that the alarm rings reminding me that I must leave my cocoon of calm and rest to meet the day. Once up, I move from task to task as the spinning top of my mind revs. It is easy to slip from the moment in anticipation of what the day may hold. To stay in the moment, I hold the somatic memory of peace created in those pre-alarm moments.

Before stepping across the threshold into the world, I reconnect to my morning silence. I ask myself, “What is your intent for the day?” Some days it is specific — to be anchored in the calm during a particularly challenging situation. But, most days my intent is to be a compassionate, joy-filled presence in however I am called.

Believe it or not, staying connected to my intent takes ongoing mindfulness and intentional discernment. I have been told that my energy is high and it is difficult for some to relate to me because of my frequency. When I am intentionally compassionate and joyful, my energy is amplified. So, I must be aware how my interactions trigger tangible and intangible responses and reactions of others. I continually read the room and then respond in the most appropriate way. 

To be sidelined by the behavior of another that pokes at my triggers is to lose connection to my intent. I choose to be aware of how I am being impacted and consciously allow the disquiet that leads to reaction to move through and out of me. Focusing my awareness of the trigger for even 90-seconds dissipates the reactionary force behind it. What remains is the power of response. 

Those pre-alarm moments are my time to set intent. With each breath, I anchor into my stated intent. With each breath, I acknowledge any angst while clearing its residue from my being. With each breath, I recommit to my intent. These moments provide the energy to sustain me during the most trying, most trigger-ridden circumstances during the day.

So, my intent that grows from my soul purpose is to be a presence of joy and compassion in the world. My actions, when I am in the moment, are powered by this intent. How does you intent power your actions?  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Compassion's Journey into the Land of Enough

The sun rose in the Land of Enough. It glinted off wild berries  growing in brambles and cast diamond dust in the dew clinging to grass blades. My eyes drank in the beauty of the moment — the abundance showered upon the world each time nature breathed. In those moments I and the world were one. We were enough. 

Living the philosophy of enough is rooted in living simply. Each day we are challenged to question what we truly need and what is an extravagance best left untouched. When we embrace the philosophy of enough we recognize that not all extravagances are incompatible with living simply. Sometimes those seeming extras provide a sheen to our world that empowers us to move past our fears and sorrows into a place of reframed gratitude.

What is this philosophy of enough? Merriam-Webster defines enough as fully meeting demands, needs, and expectations. Living in enough, we name our demands, needs, and expectations. Next we discern if each is really vital to our existence. 

• We ask if our desire contributes to living an authentic life. 
• We ponder what is truly a need and what is a want. 
• We evaluate our expectations as life giving or soul depleting. 

Each answer give us the grace to honestly decide what that piece of enough means for us. In this discernment we know that there are really no right or wrong answers. There are only answers best suited to us in that moment.

Joan Chittister in her book Wisdom Distilled from the Daily provides an example of living the philosophy of enough. She wrote about living simply and discerning a simple life. One person might purchase items that are considered an extravagance to another — an expensive car or better made clothing. They may use these items for many years. Their idea of simple is to spend more on things that last longer. What may appear to being living past enough is living within the philosophy. Again, there is no right or wrong — each of us must decide our own path.

During reflection and introspection, we may decide that our expectations are not reasonable. We shift to more reasonable expectations and this change in perception makes a difference. For example, we shift from being content in a relationship or a job to living to our greatest potential within them or leave them to discover our true calling. When we live from enough, we create fertile soil in which we grow who we are. What we honestly feel from the core becomes present in our interactions in the world. 

Today as the sun rises on the Land of Your Enough, what does it look like? How does the sun reflect upon your desires, needs, and expectations? The answer to that questions is found in being happy, finding joy, and knowing that your enough is as dynamic and evolving as you are.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa  (vanessa@intentandaction.com) for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Accepting The Truth: A Practice of Self Compassion

Illusions are tricky things. Sometimes they create an image of  success without a strategic roadmap to follow. These illusions foster a false sense of security. Other illusions are built upon our fears and perceived failures. These illusions are cracks in the foundation of our hope. Both create potholes in the path of living our soul purpose. To reconnect to our soul purpose, we must enter the shadows and confront our illusions.

Stepping into the shadows and confronting our illusions are scary propositions. One single step might as well be a thousand miles for all the fear we have heaped upon the thought of acting. Adding layer upon layer of angst ridden assumptions and judgments, we can scarcely recognize the truth in the illusion. Yes, truth is at the base of every illusion. Each grows from a tiny seed of truth cracked open by our fears and nourished by our despair.

That truth can be as innocuous as not getting a coveted job or not articulating your truth in a way that is understood by others. Both are based in truth — you didn’t get the job; you weren’t understood. Fact — but, an illusion of failure is in no way representative of the truth at the foundations of the facts. There are so many factors that contribute to this truth. Letting go of the illusion, we are given the space to rewrite our truth. The first step is to stop being so hard on yourself. 

Both of these examples have happened to me. The interview for a coveted job ended abruptly. To this day I am not quite sure why. I can make assumptions, but I never received the requested feedback from the organization to truly understand why. It took me months to heal that festering illusion of failure. When I finally stepped into the shadow, I recognized that I might never know the why. What I did recognize is that there are a better, more compassionate ways than ghosting to say, “No, thank you. You are not right for this job.”

Misunderstandings during conversations happen more often than we realize. I have been caught on both sides of that equation. It takes intentional listening and compassionate response to surge past the illusion of misunderstanding to gain clarification. To reach clarity, we step courageously into the shadows and ask the curiously daring questions for which we fear the answers.

Our world is filled with so much truth that often hides in the shadows. That truth has the potential to clear away illusions so that we trust what we and trust our self. It takes courage to stop spending our time fearing the shadows and their growing illusions so that we can take a step into the shadows and use our spark to light our way to truth. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Intuitive Coach, who uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create effective strategies for transformation. She is a professional speaker and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019

Compassion Asks, "Why Can't We Get Along?"

When I was young, I remember watching a  sci fi flick (I think it was War of the Worlds). In it, a priest attempted to befriend aliens. He was annihilated by their weapons. About the same time as watching this movie, I remember being encouraged to be friends with everyone. Neither situation took into consideration that there might be something untenable, harmful, in the interaction. Or, maybe we relied on the belief that we are suited in the kevlar of privilege and nothing could happen to us. 

What I have learned is that relationship is not possible with everyone. In fact, sometimes it is okay not interact with another. And, that does not make us bad people. It is not a reflection on our humanity. It in no way highlights our wrongness. Rather, it highlights our power of discernment. Discerning enough to see a world filled with beautiful colors and plenty of gray while recognizing that gray comes from a mixture of black and white — so black and white does exist. 

When answering, “Why can’t we all get along?” let’s look at the roots of heinous acts and what a compassionate response entails. Where there is suffering, compassion asks us to stand in our power and be a protector while reminding our self that it is perfectly okay not to get along with perpetrators of suffering. 

It is a gaslighting fallacy to believe that we must get along with all people or that there is something wrong with our humanity because we choose to not engage another who has committed harmful acts. We know at the core of our being that we cannot get along with everyone. Not getting along with someone does not give us the right to harm a person or cause suffering. To choose not to engage another person is an act of self compassion.

I get that we are all human. Instead of accepting the premise that we are part of the problem, compassion asks that we be true to our self. We compassionately hold others accountable for their actions. We practice self compassion by only inviting those we trust into our circle. No harm, no foul comes from this trust.  

The word respect gets bandied about a lot. “Respect others,” we are told. Now that is tricky, for we respect the goodness in another while holding them compassionately accountable for the harm that their words and actions do. To respect while not holding them accountable is to invite them into our circle of influence giving them additional fertile ground to cause harm. And, that is not the practice of compassion.

Almost two years ago, I began an incredible learning experience that continues to this day. Although I’ve shed tears, felt anger and despair, I have been given incredible opportunities to be the emissary of compassion. During this time, I have discovered what it means to be privileged as a white woman. And, how incredibly privileged I am despite my challenges. 

As a result of my intentional learning, I now have relationships with people whose fears I cannot even imagine: What might happen to them because of the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their gender identification, their ethnicity, or their country of origin. Those fears are just the tip of the iceberg.

I might never be able to understand the harshness of their experiences, but I can better understand the unevenness that is bred by privilege. And, I can better understand the detrimental effects the hate-fear spewing of others has upon both individuals and the collective consciousness. That is why I hear compassion say, “To get along may appear to condone the harmful actions of another. Sometimes we cannot all get along because we must protect the vulnerable in our midst. Respect others at their core, but hold them to my standard — the Compassion standard.” 

As we grow an inclusive, diverse community, we must ask ourselves over and over again, “Why can’t we all get along?” When circumstances do not permit us to form a cohesive community, we must ask our self, “What needs to happen to create an inclusive, diverse, welcoming community?” The answers are about resetting social norms and societal exceptions while reaffirming what is right and true and compassionate. 

In my book, A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships, I write about the importance of discernment in relationships. We do not have to be friends with everyone. In fact, when we indiscriminately form relationships, we wear so many faces that, ultimately, we lose our self. The purpose of relationship is to discover who we are and shine that light on the core of another. We need not and must not share this intimacy with everyone. 

Let’s return to the question that Compassion asks, “Why can’t we all get along?” Because some live by norms that are inherently hurtful and harmful to others. And, like addressing the bully on the playground, we need to find a way to encourage them to live by a set of norms fashioned by compassionate response. Until we all live by this set of life changing norms, there will be an inability for us all to get along. In this uncertain world and with each of our imperfections, that is perfectly okay. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Life Coach through Intuitive Connection, creates effective strategies for transformation by connecting her clients to their intuition. She is a professional speaker and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for life coaching, keynotes, programs, and intuitive consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2019