Never Doubt: You Make A Difference

Have you ever wondered if your life is just a series of moments in which you move through life from one task to another? Or, have you known in the marrow of your being that life was more? Have your realized that within each moment lies the potential to knowingly and unknowingly change the life of another? And, in living within the potential of life, you are a change agent.

All of us can name people who have made a difference in our life. One of those people is my fifth grade English teacher. After class one day she asked to speak with me. Mrs. Lueken was confused by my English class placement. Although I had always been in advanced classes, I started the year in remedial classes. She was convinced that the placement was wrong and that I would shine in advanced classes. I was placed in all of the advanced classes. She was right, I thrived in those more challenging classes. 

Within a year, I was testing at twelfth grade levels in most of my subjects. Although I had the potential, it was Mrs. Lueken’s belief in me that helped me realize it. I have never forgotten her support. It made all the difference in the choices I made as I moved from middle school and into high school. I became a voracious learner. 

Several decades after her life altering help, I wrote her a thank you note. At a high school reunion I mentioned how she had helped me and heard stories of her support of others. I am but one of many students that she encouraged over an almost five decade teaching career. To this day, I am forever grateful that she took a stand against my homeroom teacher who was adamant that I belonged in the remedial classes. 

Each of us, whether we realize it or not, has made a difference in the life of another. We may say something seemingly inconsequential only later to discover the impact. I can attest to clients and students who have shared the difference my words have made in their life. And, those are only the ones who have the courage to share my impact on my life. Not only have I made a difference, but their sharing has made a difference to me.  

Seldom do we begin the day thinking this is day I contribute to the radical transformation of the world. We may not even be aware of how the guiding hand of our intuition plays a role in our compassionate actions. But, when we are in the moment, we act in ways that are true to our essence. It is this authenticity resonating with another that opens the gates of transformation for individuals and, ultimately, the world.

As I write this, I am aware of the ultimate acts of compassion that have brought about a tsunami of difference. The three men who stopped the abuse perpetrated by a white supremacist on a commuter train in Portland call us, individually and collectively, to make a difference. Two of those three men, Ricky John Best and Taliesin Namkai-Meche, lost their lives making a difference. Through their actions two girls know how much they matter. The three, including Micah David-Cole Fletcher, made a big difference that spans the globe. 

Each time we stand up for another, we make a difference. In those moments our actions say, “I see you. We are one.” Each act against judgment, hatred, and victimization bring us closer together in a community. We as members of community recognize similarities and celebrate diversity by acting in ways that make a difference.

In a world that is progressively more divisive, more angry, more violent, even the smallest acts bring us together. Our only choice is clear: to peer deeply into the eyes of another and let them know that they do not stand alone. In this eye to eye connection we are less alone, too. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017

Compassion's Reward

One of my most memorable compassion learnings happened in an auditorium filled to capacity. During a lecture on compassion and science, members of the audience were reminded of our responsibilities to share compassion with the depth and breadth of our beings. Through a simple statement, the presenter emphasized that sharing this amazingly healing power is a responsibility and receiving compassion is a right. Acts of compassion are most certainly not for the privileged.

What began as a presentation about compassion and science by Matthieu Ricard soon became much more. Although his talk was inspiring, I could not tell you specifics about the content. But, the Q&A at the end of the session is etched forever into my mind. I share that moment of insight in many of my programs.

The first question was from a woman who was a social justice advocate. She began with a statement, “It is not hard for me to show compassion to those that I love, but those people who cut off mountain tops, those people who refuse to recycle, those people…” I found myself tuning her out as she droned on and on about “those people.”  

Finally, as she stopped to take a breath, Matthieu Ricard gently interjected, “Compassion is not a reward for good behavior.” 

I stopped mid-laugh as I recognized myself in her judgments about the suitability of those with whom she shared compassion. If we are honest, we probably all have a litmus test we use to judge the suffering of others. While our judgments and assumptions might not prevent us from being compassionate, our internal monologue often serves as a guide for our actions and words.

As I reflected on my thoughts and actions, I was humbled by the memories of when I had allowed by judgments, assumptions, and self-righteousness get in the way of being compassion’s presence. I rejoiced for those times that compassion won the wrestling match with my preconceived notions and I was able to be compassionate presence.

My revelations did not stop there as I remember times when I had been judged as one of “those people.” How the judgments of others burrowed deep inside me triggering even more suffering. How suffering then became a vicious spiral that wove tighter and tighter into my self. I wondered what about my behavior was truly so bad that I was undeserving of compassion. When I believed this paradigm, my suffering would worsen.

In the moments when I could rise above the suffering, I realized that being one of “those people” had nothing to do with me. Compassion had been withheld from me because someone judged — the other believed that my actions brought my suffering. That there was something that I was not doing “right,” so I was not worthy of their compassion. Internalizing this knowing, I recognized the role of our flawed humanness in the perpetuation of suffering. 

Experiencing the struggle to be compassionate and being judged as not worthy of receiving compassion have empowered me to be like Matthieu Ricard. I have, at times, been the voice of reason to others, encouraging them to look beyond the surface and see the suffering within the other person. I am my own voice of reason as well. I purposefully allow the not so apparent suffering of another to resonate within me and be compassion to that person. Matthieu reminds me that I do not have to agree with the other, or even like them, to be an alleviator of their suffering. Compassionate response is the only answer to the struggles that are the result of suffering. 

When I am the woman who objectifies others and sees the results of their actions instead of their heart, I look deeply into myself. What scabs have their behavior picked open? Which of my wounds now weep? Why am I taking their behavior so personally? When I dig into my truth to answer these questions, I discover that my own suffering is a reflection of theirs. I clean that mirror with compassion and, in doing so, let go of my need to withhold compassion. Only then am I able to stop taking what they do personally and begin to be compassion’s emissary.

When I am the other who is objectified and misunderstood, instead of lashing out, I acknowledge my hurt. Instead of the hurt boiling over, I gently soothe the suffering by acknowledging how I am feeling and embracing who I truly am. I own the suffering, the seeping wounds, while not blaming the other for their inability to be compassion’s emissary to me. And, as the ember of my compassion glows and grows, I intend that those sparks touch the one who objectified me. While my compassion might not help them; it certainly will not harm.

We give our compassion without the expectation that it changes another. Compassion must be freely given. As an emissary of compassion our only desire is to alleviate suffering. We are lights that reach into a world filled with the darkness of the wounds of suffering. With each compassionate action, we live the words of Gandhi, “my life is my message.”

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. 

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017

Free Fall Into Letting Go

I used to wonder what would happen in the free fall of letting go. Would I gain speed as I plunged to the earth only to go kerplunk as I hit the bottom? Maybe I would bounce once or twice on the unforgiving ground. Or, would my wings unfurl and I would set course to the unknown just beyond the horizon? Maybe the hand of the sacred would catch me in its palm. Surrounded by the divine, I would be rejuvenated in its healing presence. 

I had experienced each of these situations in my letting go. Each experience, finding rock bottom, flying, or consciously resting in sacred embrace, all came with a particular life lesson. Perhaps I needed to be shaken up when I went splat onto the floor. But, once there I discovered the ground littered with gems of understanding and possibility. It was in the jar of letting go that opened me to what was to come.

Wings unfurling is a most exciting kind of letting go. Flying high above this mundane world, I gain a new perspective and my life situation looks totally different. I am able to see more clearly what might be when I let go of what I think I want. While this kind of letting go may be exhilarating, I take care of the cross winds that threaten to catch me. Riding the thermals of possibility I fly free into a new me.

Resting in the gentle hand, letting go happens in a safe environment. I have time to be while I calmly take a long, intentional look at my life. I know that I am not alone; that I am surrounded by guidance and assistance. Although the gentle hand of the sacred is with me as I find rock bottom or soar through the sky, I can more strongly feel divine intervention while in the hand. 

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I cannot let go of the fear that overwhelms me. I cannot relax my grip and trust as I let go. I might even try to convince myself that I am being held onto. How can I let go if something has me in its embrace? Those moments call me to enter a heightened awareness of being awake, alert, and alive.

Awake is more than just opening your eyes and starting the day. This awake is noticing the world in its moment by moment unfolding. We no longer lose spots of time as our mind wanders. We are totally present and aware of what catching us — aware of the resulting fear, and aware of our need to acknowledge the fear before letting go.

Fully awake, we are alert to the many potential triggers in our life. We notice our tendencies to react and our desire to respond. We identify our fears even when we feel helpless to circumvent them. Simply put, we are ready to connect our intent to our action in each moment. We are mindfully engaged and prepared to respond.

Being awake and alert culminates in being alive. More than breathing, we act with intention. Alive we acknowledge our fears and navigate through them with courage. This navigation is the stuff of letting go. With awareness we learn in the environment that results in our letting go — the environment we discover as we enter our free fall.

Letting go is a scary proposition. it opens us to the great unknown. But, in order to grow, we must be willing to experience this free fall not knowing where we wind up while knowing that we will receive exactly what we need. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. 

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017

Walking Between The Worlds

We are caught between illusion and reality. Although we may know who we are authentically, how we express that essence is challenged over and over again as what we believe is authentic clashes with what others believe is authentic. In this noisy world of differences, we become fatigued as we attempt to reconcile what we believe is true and what others believe is true with the collective reality.

Walking between the worlds is a way of focuses our awareness that minimizes our fatigue. It begins with an internal understanding of who we are authentically and how we are expressing these our truth. We note how our beliefs and core values inform our responses and catch us in reactions. This is often a difficult task for the noisiness of the world prevents us from listening to the whispers of our inner wisdom. Only within the silence of our quiet mind do we filter the external noises and attend to the clamoring within. 

More than a cessation of physical noise, silence is an environment in which our senses are heightened. We notice with greater clarity the nuances of our true self and the distractions that draw us away from our authenticity. Within the silence, we name how our behavior is incongruent with who we truly are. We recognize what hinders us from responding authentically.

Silence is an environment of focused bi-listening. We intentionally hear what the other is saying while mindfully attending to the nonverbal impact of our interaction with another. This delicate juggling act requires that we are fully present. It also requires comfort with the pause during which we gain information, process it, and then formulate our response. When we bi-listen we realize that even making an addition to a mental grocery list causes us to lose information vital to understanding the beliefs and values of another. 

In this fertile place we really notice the impact the external world has on the four aspects of our self — body, mind, spirit, and heart. We recognize feelings of calm or anxiety, tensed or relaxed muscles, heart rate shifts, anger spikes, or spontaneous thoughts — all these are potential cues to the clash between our reality and the reality of another. With awareness of these cues we move from fearful and potentially hurtful reactions to compassionate response.  

Friending the four aspects of self is vital in the recognition of what triggers reactions and contributes to our fatigue. We learn to navigate through reactions to responses that bring us from the brink of fatigue to a place of vigor. Through this navigation, we balance the four aspects of our being. Four aspects aligned, we are able to be authentic in our interactions.

When we comprehend the message our four aspects are relaying, we gain the power to address our potential reactions and formulate compassionate responses. We are better able to recognize how our beliefs and values power our interactions. We identify what is truly representative of who we are authentically and what illusions we cast to make us more comfortable in a tumultuous world. We walk between the worlds shining the light of our authenticity and encouraging others to be their authentic best.

Walking between the worlds increases our understanding of how our judgments are stopping us; powers us to listen to one another; and creates a world not in my or your image but a world that is better than anything we could have imagined apart. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com.

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. 

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017

Shepa & the Art of Non-Attachment

vanessa f hurst, ms       

Did you ever want something so badly that you could taste it? Be so attached to a particular outcome that you missed other opportunities? Were so committed to a future that you ignored potential difficulties and when it became your present, you realized it was not what you wanted? For Buddhists these attachments are shenpa, what hooks us. 

When I think of these attachments in terms of shenpa, something inside of me perks up. I can almost hear the firing of disused brain synapses as those dormant pathways of processing reengage. As the energy leaps from synapse to synapse, I ask myself what I am so attached to that has become my single focus. What importance is the hook of shenpa obscuring? 

Shenpa is anything that hooks us. It pulls us out of the moment and traps us in an endless cycle of worries, anxieties, and hopelessness. These attachments create barriers that prevent us from living with courage and curious daring. We miss the possibilities to let go of what hooks us and move into the rhythm of what life offers.

Being fully present is the only way to disengage these attachments. In the moment we listen to our internal monologue and assume the stance of the objective observer who practices the 4nons (non-attachment, non-judgment, non-defensive, non-violent). Instead of clinging or pushing away shenpa, practice 

Non-attachment. Name any propensities to cling or cast away what disturbs your peace. Rest in the instinctual push and pull of attaching and detaching. Becoming an objective observer, notice how you cling or cast away, but do not become engage the action. 

Non-judgment. Notice and own any judgments while refusing to react from them. Recognize that when you are non-judgmental, you are better able to confront judgments, question their validity, and identify their root biases. Your judgments no longer control your actions. 

Non-defensive. Own that when confronted, your desire is to react defensively. Being non-defensive asks that you objectively notice how your are feeling attacked and what emotions are trigged by another. Instead of reacting, seek to understand the reaction of another instead of justifying you own reaction. 

Non-violent. Identify the overt and subtle violence that you perpetrate. Recognize that it is the subtle acts of violence that resonates more deeply with shenpa. Through our violent thoughts, shenpa erodes confidence and the ability to make good choices. The violence inherent in shenpa sows seed of self-doubt until the real is no longer separate from illusion.

We are seldom able to break free of shenpa in one orchestrated move. Our attachments cling to us like the barbs of thistle. They can only be released by practicing the 4nons while in the stance of the objective observer. Once removed, our attachments do not disappear. They lurk in the recesses of our mind waiting to fire those synapses that reconnect us to them.

The art of non-attachment is an ongoing practice of befriending both what we cling to and what we cast aside. They no longer have power over us when we befriend them. With a return of the balance of power, we let go of our attachment and ground more fully into our authenticity. We break through barriers of shenpa and live more fully, more courageously, and with more curious daring. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. 

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017