Stop Lying to Yourself: Grieve the Loss

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Is your internal voice whispering, “It’s not as bad as it seems. Everything is going to be okay. There is nothing that I can do anyway.”  These are the lies we tell ourself. 

I’ve had peoples tell me that they aren’t going to be angry anymore. I’ve spoken with people who are consumed by their anger. Head in the sand or burning it down will resolve nothing. How do we walk the middle ground without being stuck in complacency?

Let’s acknowledge that we are in a space of individual and collective grief. We are tired, fatigued, exhausted. Here are some reasons. Since 2016, we have had three inflection points. The election of Donald Trump in 2016, the Covid epidemic beginning in 2019, and the re-election of Donald Trump in 2024. There’s a lot that percolated during those eight years. I have to tell you, if you are wishing for a return to the time before all this mayhem, it isn’t going to happen.

The most important thing you can do is to stop believing the lies. The first step to living in this new world, is to stop lying to yourself. It is bad; everything might not be okay; there is something you can do. If telling yourself the truth scares you…well, if you are scared, it means that you are aware. The first step to taking action is self awareness.

To be aware is to practice self-care. Take a step back into yourself. Ignite that divine ember within you. See the sparks flare up into your being. They illuminate those parts of you that are paralyzed by your fear.  A huge part of self care is learning what is triggering you.

What can we do? Our self care begins by grieving. Let’s go through Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief. Realize the five stages are not linear; they happen in a spiral. You might have to go through them over and over again. Here are the five stages and how I have gone through them.

• We deny (I refused to watch the news on Wednesday morning. If I didn’t hear or see it, is wasn’t true, right?)
• We get angry (I unfriended so many people on Facebook and raged about those people who had the audacity to vote in alignment with their moral code which was not my moral code.)
• We bargain (I haven’t been here…yet)
• We get depressed (The world can be a dark place of despair. We need not be stuck in it. I remind myself of this.)
• We accept (Okay, we are in a lousy place. How can I live into my values and stand in my power?)

I have not yet gone through these stages in a way that brings resolution. I know that I need to use the power of my emotions to bring me through my grief. For to use the force of emotions is to break this delicate process of grief. To use the power of my emotions is to grieve unapologetically, and that is an act of self care. So in these moments, grieve. 

Let go of what could have been. Don’t isolate. Spend time with your community. We’ve got a lot of work to shape what is. 

Van(essa) F. Hurst is an intuitive, a mystic, and a contemplative. As a spiritual director she journeys with seekers on the ultimate quest — a stronger, more durable relationship with their sacred. She is the author of five books and believes that through our lived experiences, we become the people we are meant to be.  Reach out to her for spiritual direction.  or hurst.vanessa@gmail.com