Moving Through How Could This Be

 

The shell shock has lessened. Maybe you are moving through “how could this be” into “this is real.” This movement through is not into complacency, but in a gotta-roll-up-my-sleeves-and-get-to-work kind of way. Now is not the time for standing still or running away. Now is the time to step up and take a stand. 

What’s next? How do we step up? How do we take that stand? Start small — reach out to friends and family. Not as an act of commiseration, but as a way of really connecting to one another. This is a time to listen and be heard. To defuse some of the angst and recognize that we are all in this together. To engage in what I call contemplative conversation. Although it is a simple concept, it does take a bit to master.

When chatting with someone, really listen to them with the whole of your being. Relax your body into the conversation. Be aware of what the person is sharing while being aware of how that sharing is impacting your mind, emotions, and body. To engage in full body listen is to be fully present. And, that is hard! 

When questions or judgments pop into your mind, gently set them aside. Realize that premature questions or judgments just get in the way of the flow of the sharing and your understanding of what the other is sharing of their experience. 

When there is a pause in the conversation, and there will be; take a moment to gather your thoughts. Allow your comments and questions to rise to the surface. Let your inner wisdom, your intuition, guide you in your response. Share your understanding, your experience. Ask questions. Engage on a deeper level. 

What have I discovered when I converse contemplatively? Instead of reacting to what is being said or leading the conversation in “my” direction or filling the silence with platitudes, something magical happens. We come to a greater understanding of each other and the topic of our discourse.  Perhaps even find a glimmer of light that brings us step by step down this path of new.

The shell shock is receding for all of us.. I don’t have all of the answers; neither do you. What we do have is each other. Through our contemplative conversations we can begin to heal and discover a way forward by connecting individual wisdom to each other and tapping into the wealth of the collective wisdom. 

Van(essa) F. Hurst is an intuitive, a mystic, and a contemplative. As a spiritual director she journeys with seekers on the ultimate quest — a stronger, more durable relationship with their sacred. She is the author of five books and believes that through our lived experiences, we become the people we are meant to be.  Reach out to Van for spiritual director or intuitive mentoring. 

Stop Lying to Yourself: Grieve the Loss

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Is your internal voice whispering, “It’s not as bad as it seems. Everything is going to be okay. There is nothing that I can do anyway.”  These are the lies we tell ourself. 

I’ve had peoples tell me that they aren’t going to be angry anymore. I’ve spoken with people who are consumed by their anger. Head in the sand or burning it down will resolve nothing. How do we walk the middle ground without being stuck in complacency?

Let’s acknowledge that we are in a space of individual and collective grief. We are tired, fatigued, exhausted. Here are some reasons. Since 2016, we have had three inflection points. The election of Donald Trump in 2016, the Covid epidemic beginning in 2019, and the re-election of Donald Trump in 2024. There’s a lot that percolated during those eight years. I have to tell you, if you are wishing for a return to the time before all this mayhem, it isn’t going to happen.

The most important thing you can do is to stop believing the lies. The first step to living in this new world, is to stop lying to yourself. It is bad; everything might not be okay; there is something you can do. If telling yourself the truth scares you…well, if you are scared, it means that you are aware. The first step to taking action is self awareness.

To be aware is to practice self-care. Take a step back into yourself. Ignite that divine ember within you. See the sparks flare up into your being. They illuminate those parts of you that are paralyzed by your fear.  A huge part of self care is learning what is triggering you.

What can we do? Our self care begins by grieving. Let’s go through Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief. Realize the five stages are not linear; they happen in a spiral. You might have to go through them over and over again. Here are the five stages and how I have gone through them.

• We deny (I refused to watch the news on Wednesday morning. If I didn’t hear or see it, is wasn’t true, right?)
• We get angry (I unfriended so many people on Facebook and raged about those people who had the audacity to vote in alignment with their moral code which was not my moral code.)
• We bargain (I haven’t been here…yet)
• We get depressed (The world can be a dark place of despair. We need not be stuck in it. I remind myself of this.)
• We accept (Okay, we are in a lousy place. How can I live into my values and stand in my power?)

I have not yet gone through these stages in a way that brings resolution. I know that I need to use the power of my emotions to bring me through my grief. For to use the force of emotions is to break this delicate process of grief. To use the power of my emotions is to grieve unapologetically, and that is an act of self care. So in these moments, grieve. 

Let go of what could have been. Don’t isolate. Spend time with your community. We’ve got a lot of work to shape what is. 

Van(essa) F. Hurst is an intuitive, a mystic, and a contemplative. As a spiritual director she journeys with seekers on the ultimate quest — a stronger, more durable relationship with their sacred. She is the author of five books and believes that through our lived experiences, we become the people we are meant to be.  Reach out to her for spiritual direction.  or hurst.vanessa@gmail.com