I’d Rather You’d Tell Me No

Have you ever asked a question needing a simple yes or no answer to find the question and the response tipped into an abyss? No answer. You get ghosted. Or maybe you were the one to ghost by tipping that question/answer duo into an abyss.  Sometimes a simple yes or no is just too difficult to utter.  

I admit to being ghosting and being ghosted. At times, I’ve been too afraid to say no or unwilling to commit myself to the yes. In my fear and unwillingness, both I and the querent were stuck in limbo.

Something different happened when I was asked a question. I cannot tell you what that was, but I do remember my response. I really didn’t want to add one more thing to my to-do list, so out of my mouth came, “no.” 

The person blustered a bit and finally said, “You’ve written a book on compassion. What part of that was compassionate?” The words that came out of my mouth surprised even me: “That would be called self-compassion.” Those words left the person speechless.

Self-compassion. Sometimes we say yes instead of saying no because instead of being compassionate we try to please people. Those yeses deplete our body/mind/spirit/heart until we have nothing left to give. When we refuse to answer at all, we fill aggravation, frustration, and anger festers in the void. Both create an unevenness in our life and the other. 

No matter how difficult it is, the only way to replenish our self is through the judicious use of no — a practice of self-compassion. Through the practice of self compassion we are able to be compassionate to the other. Saying no is not devaluing the ask, it is just saying I cannot do it. Our “no” frees the person to look elsewhere for their “yes.” 

So, instead of scurrying away, squinting your eyes shut — acting like they can’t see you if you can’t see them, take a deep breath. Listen to what your body, mind, emotions, and spirit are saying about your response. Trust that your four aspects holds the wisdom you need. Take another deep breath, ignite that spark within. Say yes or no in ways that feed you. 

I call myself a recovering “yes” person. It is not easy to act with your power. If I can do it, so can you. 

That is what this time is ab out. We don’t stop because winter calls us into hibernation. We enter into deep reflection in order to discern what to keep and what to use as the kindling of courage that will create a bonfire of dreams realized.   Van Hurst, ms, is an intuitive-coach-catalyst. As a contemplative coach, she uses mindfulness practices and intuition tools to create strategies for navigating the mundane and extraordinary.The result of time with Van? Being the change you want to see in the world by creating a blueprint for your life through a deeper connection to your intuition and contemplative nature. 

Van is a professional speaker & author who weaves inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are available @ www.wildefyrpress.com. Her most recent book, As Natural As Breathing: Being Intuitive, is available on Amazon. Contact Vanessa for life coaching, intuitive consultations, keynotes, and programs.