We’ve all been there — or maybe I’d like to believe that — where we hold on to something that is no longer working. Maybe it is a job or a relationship or something totally different. We stay because we are trapped in the illusion of hope. We cannot let go and make room for the new.
Then seemingly unexpected, the ending happens despite our best effort to hold on. We lose a job, end a relationship. This may be the beginning of the end. We are stuck in energetic ties of yearning. We are blinded by the illusion of what could have been. Our suffering deepens.
The possibility of new beginnings is just out of reach. Instead of alleviating our suffering, we exacerbate it with our doubts, shame, and despair. Instead of healing, our wounded heart collapses under the weight of our suffering.
In these moments of despair, there is only one thing that we can do — engage our self compassion. This isn’t the self compassion of taking a day, going for a walk, or engaging in small acts of goodness for our self. This is the difficult act of self compassion that begins by exposing the barnacles of our fears and feelings of lack. We acknowledge the ways that we feel we have failed our self.
This exercise of self compassion is about us. We don’t focus on the others actions. We identify those barnacles of suffering clinging to our soul and begin the process of sloughing them from our being. We recognize that through the removal of these barnacles, we clear the way to seeing who we are at the ground of our being.
One thing that helps me in this self compassion exercise is journaling. I write in short burst phrases, sentences, and meandering paragraphs. Anytime I find myself blaming another, I bring myself back to my feelings. I objectively allow the anger, angst, or fear to burn brightly without reacting.
With the light of my burning feelings, I can see what is hidden beneath the barnacle. What I discover is the root of my suffering. This is what needs to be healed so that I can heal and, once again, be connect to the hope in my heart.
Seldom is this exercise in self compassion a quick fix. I journal over and over again sloughing off layer upon layer of barnacles until the wounds heal and the skin of my soul is shining with peace. Any scars that remain are not a reminder of my suffering, but a badge of a lesson successfully learned. Suffering confronted, I am a beacon of hope for myself and the world.
Now it’s your turn! Find a way to expose the barnacles of your suffering — maybe through journaling, maybe through artwork, maybe seeing a therapist, or maybe something uniquely you. Confront the barnacles compassionately again and again until they release. In the letting go, your ending is complete. The beginning that was waiting to start? Well, it has been there all along.
Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.
Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018
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