The Challenge of Free Will: Compassion

An unexpected rain plummeted to the earth  drumming upon already saturated land. Water pooling on roads splashed my windshield. This was not a storm of epic proportions; rather, it was a hard rain that wears you down.

Sometimes life is like that rain. We put one foot after the next  — turning right, going left, standing still — living each moment to the fullest. When we are aware, we let go what is no longer part of our journey. Eyes turned to the possibilities dripping into our being, we are off on a new adventure. Or, maybe we decide to take a breather just to be.

That’s life — the ups and downs and all arounds. If we do not take care, we will find our self exhausted as we try one more time to drink in the drops of opportunity sure that this time it will feed our soul purpose. We do this over and over again because that is life. To stop trying is to stop living. 

I had a friend tell me that everything that happens to us is a result of free will. It felt like she was saying that we have absolute control over life circumstances. Is free will what causes a misstep that has us sliding into a mud slick pit of despair? This seems a harshly judgmental way to look at life. 

“Where is the compassion in this view?” I wondered. Don’t bad things happen that are out of our control? We get a disease, lose a job…the list is endless. We might not be able to cure the disease or find a job that is comparable to the one that we lost. Is either a result of free will? While I understand the role that free will has in our response to a situation, I am not sure how free will and the initiation of suffering are related.

I wonder about our role as a fellow human to help raise others out of their plight. Do we live a comfortable existence while ignoring the plight of others? Do we share platitudes and prayers? Or, do we find a way to give someone who is suffering a hand up? Isn’t our response to suffering a true act of free will?

For me, free will and compassion require that I find a way to give someone a hand up. The first two reactions do not journey through the labyrinth of suffering to the heart of compassion. The latter says, “I see you. I am with you. Let me hold the salve that you gently rub into your woundedness. Let me find ways to support and love you through these turbulent times.”

I have said it before, and I will say it again. We are #inthistogether. What does it say about us if we look someone in the eye and say, “You had free will. You created your situation. Not my problem.” This dearth of compassion and maelstrom of taking care of only our self diminish our humanity. 

Compassion calls us — no Compassion demands that we help one another. We are called not to fix, but to console another through their suffering. We are required to lift up another so that they can catch the drops of opportunity and rise above the suffering into new life.

Maybe we are born with free will. Maybe the real challenge of free will is to step outside our comfortable lives and to help people in their time of suffering. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

Compassion & the Barnacles of Suffering

We’ve all been there — or maybe I’d like to believe that — where we hold on to something that is no longer working. Maybe it is a job or a relationship or something totally different. We stay because we are trapped in the illusion of hope. We cannot let go and make room for the new.

Then seemingly unexpected, the ending happens despite our best effort to hold on. We lose a job, end a relationship. This may be the beginning of the end. We are stuck in energetic ties of yearning. We are blinded by the illusion of what could have been. Our suffering deepens.

The possibility of new beginnings is just out of reach. Instead of alleviating our suffering, we exacerbate it with our doubts, shame, and despair. Instead of healing, our wounded heart collapses under the weight of our suffering. 

In these moments of despair, there is only one thing that we can do — engage our self compassion. This isn’t the self compassion of taking a day, going for a walk, or engaging in small acts of goodness for our self. This is the difficult act of self compassion that begins by exposing the barnacles of our fears and feelings of lack. We acknowledge the ways that we feel we have failed our self. 

This exercise of self compassion is about us. We don’t focus on the others actions. We identify those barnacles of suffering clinging to our soul and begin the process of sloughing them from our being. We recognize that through the removal of these barnacles, we clear the way to seeing who we are at the ground of our being. 

One thing that helps me in this self compassion exercise is journaling. I write in short burst phrases, sentences, and meandering paragraphs. Anytime I find myself blaming another, I bring myself back to my feelings. I objectively allow the anger, angst, or fear to burn brightly without reacting. 

With the light of my burning feelings, I can see what is hidden beneath the barnacle. What I discover is the root of my suffering. This is what needs to be healed so that I can heal and, once again, be connect to the hope in my heart.  

Seldom is this exercise in self compassion a quick fix. I journal over and over again sloughing off layer upon layer of barnacles until the wounds heal and the skin of my soul is shining with peace. Any scars that remain are not a reminder of my suffering, but a badge of a lesson successfully learned. Suffering confronted, I am a beacon of hope for myself and the world.

Now it’s your turn! Find a way to expose the barnacles of your suffering — maybe through journaling, maybe through artwork, maybe seeing a therapist, or maybe something uniquely you. Confront the barnacles compassionately again and again until they release. In the letting go, your ending is complete. The beginning that was waiting to start? Well, it has been there all along.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / 

Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

The Compassion of Showing Up

The sun hadn’t quite peeked over the horizon. Talisien, my wyvern cat had decided my slumber was over. She playfully scratched and bit me awake. No amount of burrowing under the covers gave me respite. The sun had not risen and my Tali needed to play. Those were two undisputed facts. I could not change these exterior events. I could only shift my reaction to them into a response.

Life is like that. How many times do we wish for something — be it fifteen more minutes of sleep or a new job? Our wish doesn’t happen. We are disappointed. We find our self stuck in circumstances seemingly beyond our control. What do we do? We can be mired in the frustration and burrow into our despair. Or, we can look for the possibility, the hope that the moment brings. Me? I usually have a hybrid reaction-response. What begins as despair shapeshifts into hope-filled possibility.

It is an indisputable fact that no matter how much we try to change the world around us, the only change that we can manifest is that inside of our self. The key to creating a more compassionate world is to strengthen our own compassionate heart. It is within us — this world changer — and is present within the transformation of our self. The world changes through each compassionate response. 

So what does this mean? Transformation is a result of acting from an empathetic heart and a nonjudgmental mind. We do not attempt to “walk in the other person’s shoes” — it is impossible to truly experience the plight of another. We do, to the best of our ability, understand the depth of their suffering. Although we know that our way only works for us, joining with others creates a new paradigm complete with the potential for change on a greater level.

But, this kind of change is beyond difficult. When in community, we need to show up as our best, authentic self while holding space for others to do the same. Setting aside our agendas and our need to be right, we show up as a servant leader — humble and vulnerable. And, if we do this, we have a chance to create something bigger, better, more transformative than we as individuals could ever imagine. 

Our willingness to be our best self coupled with our commitment to show up with the intent to remain our best self alter our perception of the world. We hear the door of opportunity creak open. We slip inside prepared to continue our transformation as individuals and community. This powers transformation in the world.

And, yes, I forwent those 15 minutes of sleep and joined Talisien’s clowder. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook  

Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018

Compassion's Call to Action

With a twist of the doorknob, the door  creaks open. I hear the voice of action calling to me. Slipping out the door, I prepare to respond to the suffering and angst in the world. I want to be a bodhisattva — an alleviator of suffering. But, the harshness, the unevenness of the world threatens to upend my carefully made plans. 

Suffering overwhelms. I discover within my humanness the seeds of causing harm, of hurting myself and others. I see my humanness reflected in those around me. Is there hope that suffering will lessen — that I can be a bodhisattva?

I do not despair nor should you. For we have been given two great gifts to navigate the unevenness. These gifts root us in our contemplative spirit and give birth to our compassionate heart. What are these two gifts? Meditation and contemplation. 

This meditation is more than sitting quietly and purging your mind of thoughts. This meditation is all encompassing. It requires a focusing your awareness on the sacred in your life. Your life, your sacred, your understanding. When you are mindful, you notice the world unfolding in a peculiar way. You recognize that the unevenness of the world is not yours. But, in righting your unevenness your bring balance to your world. 

Contemplation is the next step. Through meditation you notice what you notice. Instead of reacting, you quietly wait for clarity. You listen intently for the voiceless words of the sacred to guide you on the bodhisattva journey. You understand that self compassion is first act. Unless you soothe your wounds, calming the fiery heat of another is nearly impossible. 

With practice, the rhythm of your day becomes seamless mediation and contemplation. Your compassionate response is a guide for another on their healing journey. You feel the suffering of another. With your empathy realized, you touch their heart with yours. The fire of your compassion burns away their suffering. 

It is the little ways that we alleviate suffering that make the biggest difference. We may listen to the anguish of a stranger; help a mother open a door; assist an older person with their groceries. We may never know how we are the tipping point that shifts a life of suffering to a one of hope. We may never even realize that our act of compassion made the big difference.

Bodhisattva, wise listener, contemplative in action, compassion warrior — no matter what we call our self, our goal is to be present and respond with compassion in a world that is harsh and uneven.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, professional speaker, and author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / 

Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018