“Why is compassion so eff-ing hard?” asked one participant. I have wondered about the answer to that question ever since it was asked. In a world of increasing fascism, narcissism, and judgmentalism, sometimes it takes conscious effort to be a shining point of compassion. Sometimes it takes a magnifying glass to see those shining points of compassionate light
In the years since that question was posed, I have witnessed many situations where being compassionate was difficult if not borderline impossible. As a result, I have questions of my own. “How do we stop reacting to someone whose actions have resulted in suffering for themselves or another?” “How do we respond with compassionate to that person instead of enabling their bad behavior?”
The answer to both questions is by being empathetic. Unless we feel the feelings of another, we may never know their depth of suffering. But, not getting stuck in empathy may be more difficult than being compassionate to a perpetrator of suffering. Our challenge is to feel empathy without being overwhelmed by the feelings of another and being pulled into a downward spiral of angst.
With awareness of another’s emotion, we move through those feelings into the next stage of empathy. Here we understand the motives that underlie the suffering. Our understanding is without judgment or defense of the actions of another. While we recognize the deep woundedness of the perpetrator, in no circumstance is causing suffering okay.
We realize that their actions should not and do not come without consequences. Compassion dictates that we share compassion with all involved while holding the perpetrator accountable for their actions. Through our acts of compassion the groundwork is laid for real change in all involved.
This compassion says “I love you enough to tear off the scabs of suffering and allow your wounds to breathe healing from inside out.” “I love you enough to never judge you for your actions.” “I love you enough to be with you as you experience the consequences of your actions.” “I love you enough to touch my spark of compassion to your spark; and, in doing so, refocus the light that guides you to your authentic self.”
Our combined light shines brightly into the marrow of our individual and combined compassion essence. Together, we gain the strength, the courage, the curious daring, to be compassion warriors. We create a community of healing. We show up in this community of compassion as our best self who calls forth authenticity in others.
Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Neural Synchrony™ facilitator, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa assists clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations.
Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2018
Clearly, one of my favorites.
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