Do you ever feel like an ark rocking in a flood of misunderstanding? It seems that we have lost our ability to communicate with each other. We talk over one another or wait until the other stops talking only to share our judgments and assumptions. Instead of listening to understand, we listen to interject.
Empathy is lost in the flood waters made murky by judgments and assumptions — we no longer look at a person as someone who is real — who lives a life of joy and challenge. Rather, we see the person as an object upon which we heap our judgments and assumptions. Without empathy we provide solutions and judgmental proclamations that have little to do with what is happening to the other and everything to do about our interpretation of their situation. So assured that we know the answer, we have lost our ability to be civil.
I do not believe that our empathetic heart is lost. It is bobbing about in the waters of misunderstanding. Civility bobs alongside empathy in those murky waters. But, all is not lost. We can rediscover our empathetic heart and civil spirit through intentional listening and compassionate response. When we listen with intent, we are aware of our judgments and assumptions. We see how they inform our reactions. With this awareness comes the power of choice.
Instead of reacting from our assumptions and judgments, our empathetic heart opens wide. Through it we hear more than just words. We see more than just the outcome of the other’s unfortunate series of events. With empathy and civility we genuinely want to know how the other is feeling. Our intent is to empathetically understand the other’s situation and respond to their needs with compassionate civility. Powered by empathy and civility we become compassion’s presence.
Compassionate response is a natural outcome of intentional listening. We take the information gained during listening and fashion our compassionate response. When we are intentional, we no longer struggle to keep our head above the murky water of misunderstanding. We cling to the lifelines of empathy and civility as the murky waters recede. We no longer cling to our misunderstanding of the other's situation. Through a connection of empathy, the other feels heard and seen.
While we might not be able to resolve the situation that caused the suffering, we are present to the other. No longer alone, the other’s angst and suffering is soothed. As the waters of misunderstanding recede, a landscape sown with the seeds of civility and compassion appears. The world gives birth to possibilities of hope and peace.
Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa for keynotes, programs, and consultations.
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