In Armor's Chink: The Dance of Beauty & Joy

I woke up to the world dancing with beauty. Before my eyes beauty stumbled as sorrow cut into the dance.  But, beauty was not long without a partner. The melody of joy twined with the broken pieces of beauty. As joy and beauty danced, they wove a peace that no winds of discord could tear. This beauty renewed was woven with vulnerability and honesty.

This Fall I took on a part time gig that continues to teach me a lot about external and internal beauty. We create so much armor to get us through the day. Maybe it is the armor of attitude. Perhaps it is carefully chosen clothing and meticulously applied cosmetics.This armor is any way that we project an illusion that hides our true self from the world. Whatever it is, this armor is the face, authentic and illusory, that we share with the world. 

I’ve noticed that there is nothing magical about this armor; really, it is just a facade. It is a shell we create to protect who we truly are from cruelty in the world. If you look closely enough, that armor has a chink, a thin place. Shining from that thin place, is the authentic yet hidden self we are fearful to show. But, no one can truly hide behind the facade of illusion. When we look closely with our entire being, we see beyond the armor and into the grace and the wounds of the other. 

We are not the beauty of this external armor. We are the beauty built upon our imperfections — those parts of us that make us real. It is our authentic self that softens the wrinkles and the scars. We recognize that whatever supposed external flaws we have do not define us. In fact, those things we view as imperfections are part of our life journey. 

As a beauty advisor, I help people create their external armor, but that is not what I am really about. While I may help choose the best moisturizer or the most appealing eye shadow, I look beyond the physical and really see the person I am assisting. For me, this beauty consulting gig is less about finding the best colors or the best skin care. It is all about helping another peer past their armor and into the true beauty of their authentic self.

Wishing you eyes to see into your armor's chink. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ for keynotes, programs, and consultations. 

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Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017

Shards of Gratitude Strewn Amid Suffering

Reflections of gratitude glint unexpectedly in unforgiving lands. An unforeseen moment of gratitude shocks us into awareness. Whispers of gratitude remind us to be here now as we find respite tucked into the jagged rocks of suffering. 

It seems counterintuitive that within suffering are shards of gratitude. But, when we acknowledge even the tiniest awareness of gratitude, we receive enough light to navigate the murky shadow-casting space of suffering. By reframing, we find tiny shards of gratitude.

Over the past five years I have become expert in the art of reframing. But, in those moments when I am discouraged and find myself paralyzed by a scary reality, it is difficult to understand that I have a choice of living in suffering or moving beyond the grip of fear suffering produces. In those moments suffering is my what is. 

I do not have to stay in this frame of suffering is what is. I can accept the challenge to see beyond my life circumstances — to courageously see suffering as what is not. Suffering is not who we are. It is a life challenge we navigate. Along this path are splinters of gratitude inviting us to pick them up. With curious daring we piece the shards together. This vessel of gratitude, no matter how tiny, holds life as it is. 

I am not saying that any of this is easy. Some days I’d rather stay in bed with my clowdering cats instead of searching for shards of gratitude. The reality is that no matter how good we are at living in gratitude, we still might find our self mired in suffering. We just cannot seem to get past pain and defeat. Reframing takes limitless courage and the curiously daring belief that this too shall pass [let it be soon].

In moments of despair I remember, gratitude doesn’t make our vessel whole. Sometimes gratitude is a small, inconsequential, and easily missed shard that gives us a new way of perceiving our reality. With trust and awareness, we see the healing light glinting off that shard. Often that reflection of gratitude is enough to trigger the energy to try one more time — to be courageous and curiously daring as we prepare to meet the challenge of suffering. 

Even a spark of gratitude turns our suffering upside-down. In the reframing we discover what truly is. Our reframing does not banish the suffering; rather, we learn the lesson and meet the challenge inherent in our suffering. We befriend the suffering as we discover its purpose. Through gratitude we heal those parts wounded by suffering.

Sometimes suffering refuses to leave; it clings to us. Maybe we haven’t learned the lesson or perhaps there are so many lessons embedded in the suffering we do not know where to begin. After an extended period of perverse suffering, it may get harder and harder to find those shards of gratitude. Do. Not. Give. Up. The shards of gratitude are still there. In their anonymity they might be the only things holding you together during this time of suffering. 

If you cannot find the splinter of gratitude, find someone who can. Then, hold the splinter in your hands. Breathe in gratitude. Allow it to course through your body. Befriend your gratitude for for it moves us through suffering into joy-filled respite. 

In gratitude for each of you who read this blog. You are my shards of gratitude on this day. 

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com for keynotes, programs, and consultations. 

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / 

Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017

I Dare You. I Curiously Dare You

Have you every noticed on a cloudy day how the colors around you stand out against the dreariness? Although you see the colors as a stark contrast to the gloom, they do not touch your soul. The gloom seeps into everything dimming your perception. In the gloom induced fatigue, even the simplest acts of compassion seem out of reach. 

When the sun bursts through the clouds, it ignites the essence of those same colors. The world brightens. It becomes effervescent. We, and the world, are permeated with laughter, joy, and happiness. We dance to an encouraging rhythm. Boosted by the light, acting compassionately feels so right, is so easy, in those moments. We act upon our intent to be compassionate without conscious thought. 

Moving intentionally to the the rhythm of compassion means that although our compassion might be triggered externally, we no longer need an external light to bring the effervescence of joy and happiness into our lives. When we are aware, the flares of our internal spark change the mundane colors of the world into something extraordinary. And, that extraordinary is the pathway to compassionate action. 

How do we shift from the mundane into the extraordinary? By sharing acts of compassion-kindness. The big acts are often easy. In those moments we alleviate clearly defined suffering. We talk to a friend who is grieving, help someone with a tangible or intangible burden, give money to a charity — these intentional acts make apparent, tangible differences.

But, how do we cultivate a life that is a constant echo of our compassion essence? By engaging in seemingly inconsequential acts of compassion, our spark flares lighting our way. These acts are responses to everyday situations that we may not not even label as suffering. We might not even name our actions as compassion. Not only do the acts hold kernels of suffering but also our engagement alleviates that subtle suffering. Our actions are ones of compassionate respect. 

To define compassionate respect, let’s answer several questions. When have you

• Failed to remove dirty dishes from your table at restaurant that required self bussing? 
• Missed a trash can and let the refuse lay on the ground?
• Decided not to purchase something and placed it willy nilly in the store?
• Talked loudly on a cell phone while checking out?
• Disrupted others with a loud conversation at a coffee shop?
• Didn’t thank someone who had provided a service?

You need not share your answers with anyone else. The purpose of these reflection points is not to shame or blame. Each is meant to raise awareness of opportunities to share compassionate respect.

Questions answered. Compassion challenge offered. As you edge closer to the end of the year,  whenever possible,

• Do not make extra work for someone else
• Show respect by being present to others
• Thank others for what they do for you
• Recognize that you are part of community
• Be a part of community

These simple acts reveal the extraordinary that is present in each flare of our compassion spark. They make differences in ways that you may never quite understand or even realize. These easily definable guidelines power your life through compassionate respect. Take the challenge, I dare you. I curiously dare you to be compassion.

  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa for keynotes, programs, and consultations. 

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017

An Ark Rocking in a Flood of Misunderstanding: Empathy & Civility

Do you ever feel like an ark rocking in a flood of misunderstanding? It seems that we have lost our ability to communicate with each other. We talk over one another or wait until the other stops talking only to share our judgments and assumptions. Instead of listening to understand, we listen to interject. 

Empathy is lost in the flood waters made murky by judgments and assumptions — we no longer look at a person as someone who is real — who lives a life of joy and challenge. Rather, we see the person as an object upon which we heap our judgments and assumptions. Without empathy we provide solutions and judgmental proclamations that have little to do with what is happening to the other and everything to do about our interpretation of their situation. So assured that we know the answer, we have lost our ability to be civil. 

I do not believe that our empathetic heart is lost. It is bobbing about in the waters of misunderstanding. Civility bobs alongside empathy in those murky waters. But, all is not lost. We can rediscover our empathetic heart and civil spirit through intentional listening and compassionate response. When we listen with intent, we are aware of our judgments and assumptions. We see how they inform our reactions. With this awareness comes the power of choice.

Instead of reacting from our assumptions and judgments, our empathetic heart opens wide. Through it we hear more than just words. We see more than just the outcome of the other’s unfortunate series of events. With empathy and civility we genuinely want to know how the other is feeling. Our intent is to empathetically understand the other’s situation and respond to their needs with compassionate civility. Powered by empathy and civility we become compassion’s presence.

Compassionate response is a natural outcome of intentional listening. We take the information gained during listening and fashion our compassionate response. When we are intentional, we no longer struggle to keep our head above the murky water of misunderstanding. We cling to the lifelines of empathy and civility as the murky waters recede. We no longer cling to our misunderstanding of the other's situation. Through a connection of empathy, the other feels heard and seen. 

While we might not be able to resolve the situation that caused the suffering, we are present to the other. No longer alone, the other’s angst and suffering is soothed. As the waters of misunderstanding recede, a landscape sown with the seeds of civility and compassion appears. The world gives birth to possibilities of hope and peace.  

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa  for keynotes, programs, and consultations. 

Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017