Sparks in Wisdom's Fire: October 2017

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

From Yes to No: The Power of Self Compassionate

I am no longer a “yes” (wo)man. You know, the person who will do anything for everyone. I am no longer the first volunteer am readily be drafted without thought of how I might be negatively impacted. What happened? I realized how debilitating saying yes when I should have said no can be.

Once I acknowledged the suffering that I inadvertently caused myself, I reflected upon what it meant to be compassionate. While saying no instead of yes seems counterintuitive to being compassionate, I learned that saying “no” was the most powerful act of self compassion.

Although my shift from arbitrarily saying yes to everything to intentionally discerning where to help was gradual, the need to courageously stand in my own power was emphasized during a brief conversation in which decided not to volunteer. In the past volunteering for the organization had been emotionally draining. Realizing this, I declined to volunteer.

When I decided not to help, my no was challenged. I was asked, “What part of that is compassionate?” My reply? “That would be called self compassion.” I am not sure who was more surprised by those words. At the end of the conversation, I was empowered by my self compassion.

As a result of that conversation, I recognized my transition from being a yes (wo)man to a practitioner of self compassion. I accepted that ultimately the responsibility for my suffering was not triggered by the person who sought my help. Rather, my suffering was rooted in a strong desire to help another regardless of its impact on me.

In moving away from an unconditional “yes,” I separated my desires from the needs of the person or organization requesting my help. Self compassionate demands that I recognize when helping is life giving for me and when it triggers suffering. I practice compassion to all concerned even when others question my actions.

Living a compassion filled life has created an understanding that in every interaction is an exchange of energy. Before agreeing to a specific task or interaction, I discern how I am energized or depleted by my decision. Thus, my decision becomes about me and what I need instead of my fears about what I will not receive. I realize that compassion asks that we do not give our self away. Compassion requires that we act in ways that balance our outpouring of compassion with the filling of our well of compassion. In this balancing we become a compassionate presence in a world of suffering.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

The Kudzu of Non-Compassion

Compassion is popping up everywhere. Or, maybe I should say using compassion as a justification for actions that bring harm is growing like kudzu. As the ranks of the compassion movement swell, so does the number of people who do not understand that just because you say something is compassionate doesn’t mean it is. Instead of embracing the intent to alleviate suffering, compassion has become a defense for suspect behavior.

Being an emissary of compassion is not easy. Joining the compassion movement is the beginning of a life long commitment to being compassion. It is a springboard for creating a way of living from a compassionate heart. When compassion becomes our lived experience, we are increasingly more aware of suffering and are imbued with the desire to alleviate it. Embracing this way, we can no longer lie to our self or others about how our motives and agendas inform our intent.

When our intent to be compassionate and the resulting actions form our lived experience, we live from our heart — the place where compassion thrives. With our heart, we honestly question our motives, beliefs, assumptions, and judgments. With courage, we identify how they power our compassionate action or enable ongoing suffering. We might ask:

How do we recognize our own suffering and consciously practice self compassion?
How do our compassionate actions alleviate suffering while acting as an empowering force?
How do our actions foster a harsh, festering hurt under a sugar coating of so called compassion?
How is our so called compassion a reflection of the harm embedded in our motives and agendas?

These are but four of the questions that I cannot answer for anyone but myself. I can only know how my heart trembles with the desire to be compassionate [a Buddhist descriptor]. I might be able to debate the true intent of another, but ultimately only they know how the judgments and assumptions of their heart inform grow non-compassionate kudzu on the path of living compassion.

Compassion requires that we think before we act. The T.H.I.N.K Campaign offers five simple questions that guide us through the compassion movement into the way of living compassion. By answering these five simple questions, we no longer arbitrarily name a behavior as compassionate when it is not. Instead, our actions are the result of compassionate intent.

T = Is it true?
H = Is it helpful?
I = Is it inspiring?
N = Is it necessary?
K = Is it kind?

Less you think that meeting these five criteria is difficult, it is not. When we use T.H.I.N.K. as a litmus test, we recognize that compassionate action is truthful, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind. We are able to name how our actions are not compassion. When our actions mirror T.H.I.N.K. we become our best, authentic, compassionate self who weeds out the kudzu of non-compassion by T.H.I.N.K.-ing. The kudzu cleared, we journey a cleared path of living compassion.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa for keynotes, programs, and consultations.

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Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Vulnerability & Humility in the Fallow Field

The days shorten, the darkness grows. We are at the end of harvest season. The fields lay fallow. We prepare for the long winter. After the joy of a fruitful harvest, we may look upon the barren fields longing for more. Peering deeper we recognize that the upcoming winter is a place of dormant possibility. As we navigate through the barren darkness, we trust that there is a spring no matter how far away it seems. We know that to get to spring we must meet our fears. And, this is a frightening prospect.

Lately there is a lot that scares me. I’ve been through some blighted times. The crops from the bountiful harvest seem long gone. Will I ever have the courage to choose new seeds and sustenance to sow a new field of plenty? I guess that is where compassion comes in. With humility and vulnerability we are asked to really look at what remains in our seemingly barren field — the place of our suffering. Compassion invites us to see our world differently. Standing knee deep in mud created by cold autumn rains, we need to decide how we will reply.

Compassion doesn’t ask for much — just a retooling of our life. It demands that we become wide open — vulnerable and humble. Compassion doesn’t require much — it asks that we stop sleepwalking through the day. Compassion doesn’t whisper; it shouts, “wake up, be alert, be alive — become totally aware of your suffering and the suffering of others.” Compassion does not stop there. It asks for our awakened heart to soothe suffering as it shine the light on a new way.

Vulnerable we open our self to suffering however it presents itself. We expose our heart to another not knowing how the other will respond or react to our actions. We fearlessly dig into the ground of our suffering open to discovering what rot lays at the root of our anguish. With vulnerability we carefully compost the decay. With courage, we own the underside of our life while acknowledging how we have shackled our self to suffering.

Compassion asks that we not suffer alone. Although we do not arrogantly share our perceived victimization, we invite others to be with us. They lift us up when we are unable to lift our self. And, in that hand up we see a way through suffering. In accepting the hand of another we experience humility. We own our humanness by realizing that our suffering does not make us better or worse than another. Suffering is a thread that weaves through our shared humanity. Suffering calls us to our most authentic, compassionate self.

When we are vulnerable and humble, the binds of suffering loosen. Working beneath the loosened binds, Compassion strengthens our connections; we recognize that we are community. In a communal gathering, the light of understanding shines brightly upon the mangled, congested blight of suffering. With combined strength and courage, we uproot suffering. Collectively we work the compost created from suffering into our soil.

Compost fortifying the soil, we wait patiently for the spring planting to arrive. Compassion powers our patience for we know that when spring arrives we will sow the seeds of love and possibility. Suffering may bring us together, but Compassion weaves us together.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action. Contact Vanessa

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

How to Build a Compassion Bridge with Your Intent & Action

Build a bridge across uncertainty by digging into what you believe and what I believe without judging or assuming. Let’s reach out with the intent to understand one another while honoring one another’s right to non-violently disagree.

Build a bridge across divisiveness by deeply anchoring into our humanness — those parts of us that we hold in common and that are powered by compassion. Let’s acknowledge our fears and judgments that stop us from being a welcoming presence of community.

Build a bridge across mistrust by changing the “I am out to get you” culture to an “I am listening to understand” one. Let’s withhold judgment, not defend our positions, and realize that maybe we aren’t 100% right and the other 100% wrong.

Build a bridge across vested interest by recognizing that we do not need to have everything to live in abundance — that there is enough for all. Let’s recognize the wrongness of our fear that sharing might trigger scarcity in our life; instead, let’s create a world where we might not have everything but everyone has enough.

Build a bridge across suffering by agreeing that when we suffer it isn’t because of personal frailty or because we deserve it. Let’s own our personal darkness so that we can shine the light of compassion on the darkness of suffering — ours, another’s, and the collective suffering.

Bridge across fractured souls by realizing that our wounds are what separate us — our suffering blinds us to the suffering of others. Let’s empower our healing hearts and touch one another with our compassionate souls.

Build a bridge across the possible by living with courage and curious daring — be our best self while encouraging others to be theirs. Let’s stop limiting who we are and what we can accomplish through compassion. Let’s believe that the impossible just might be possible when we work together.

Build a bridge of intent and action across the illusions that separates us by creating a new paradigm of compassion where nothing is loss and everything is gained. Let’s accept that on the bridge our spirit is never diminished, our suffering is alleviated, and we live abundantly because compassion is our lived experience.

Create a daring paradigm of compassion by building a bridge of intent and action. Join the 5-week course beginning October 16: register online — charterforcompassioninstitute.org/courses/53/about

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

How to Create a Cable of Peace

I often wake around 3:38 a.m. On Monday morning I grabbed my phone to see the time (3:38 a.m.) and saw a horrific ABC news notification — 12 people gunned down in Las Vegas. Before I left the house at 6:30 a.m. the number had climbed to over 20 people. By the time the number reached 50+ victims, I was in empathy overload. I was paralyzed and unable to access my inner peace. I was overwhelmed by my sorrow-filled disbelief and the grief that shattered many connections in the peace cable of the collective. I felt the individual strands shred and the weave of the collective peace cable loosen as many of us experience empathy overload.

Later, after the pressure of my empathy overload was relieved, I reflected on both the violence perpetrated and my reaction to it. It was humbling, and a bit embarrassing, how unaware I was — how caught I became in the escalating chaotic uncertainty. By anchoring in the moment, I was able to feel how the upheaval obscured, and in some cases, severed fragile connections to peace.

I found myself wondering, “How do we strengthen our connection, individually and collectively, to peace? How do we stop getting carried away in the maelstrom?” The answer to both questions begins with the awareness that fear thickened fingers are unable to weave a cable of peace into the collective consciousness. When we release the fear, our spirit fingers, no longer swollen, become nimble enough to weave strands, ours and others, together into a cable of peace.

Peace starts with each of us — with our own fragile thread. Individual strands cannot be woven into a strong cable of peace unless we resolve the unsettled feelings within our self. We resuscitate peace by admitting our feelings of discord and angst. We do not stop with the identification of fears that obliterate our peace. We follow discord to its roots. We identify what is fueling our uncertainty and preventing us from being peace.

Discovering the roots of uncertainty and fear requires contemplative practice — those activities that focus our attention on the awareness of the sacred-extraordinary in our life. We might sit quietly, journal, go for a run, practice yoga — the list is an endless as your imagination. These activities help us enter the silent zone of clarity. Here we name the roots of our uncertainty and search for ways to release the tension in our personal strand of peace. Only when our strand is relaxed can we begin to weave it with others.

Keeping connected to peace requires mindful awareness. When we name what is stretching us beyond endurance, we identify what causes minute breaks in our strands and the threads of others. With this awareness, we move from reaction to response. Each time we respond, our power knits together the tattered ends of our individual strand. Strand repaired, our peace twines with the strands of others. The collective cable powers peace in an uncertain world.

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

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