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| What would happen if we allowed compassion to fill our potholes? |
I am a recovering fixer. You know, that person who jumps in to fill the potholes of another’s suffering. Unfortunately as I fixer, I am not always good at choosing the best materials for filling the potholes of another person.
Being in recovery means that I acknowledge my feelings of empathy while not allowing them to overwhelm me. I no longer get stuck in the fear-heavy emotions that rage at me. Instead I am aware of the angst, the suffering in those who surround me. I recognize how I get triggered.
As long as I don’t get mired in the heavy feelings of another, my awareness powers me to be compassion’s presence. With my support but without my interference, I can let the other choose the best materials to fill their potholes.
You see, I no longer even supervise the filling of those potholes. My only role, no matter how difficult it is for me, is to support another. Maybe I will hold that bucket of hot compassion filler or hand them a cool refreshing drink of compassion. I know that no matter what, the suffering is tied to their lesson. And, it is their task, not mine, to learn it. And in learning it, fill their pothole with compassion.
They fill the pothole — not me. Maybe they get some courage to do so by my compassionate presence. But, that is all. I don’t do the “heavy lifting,” no matter how much I want to. Through all of this my mantra is, “It not my right, not my role, and certainly not my responsibility to fix the rough patch of another.”
The only potholes that I am responsible for filling are my own. It is my right and my role to heal those gaping holes in the lane that I travel. I can smooth the jagged corners of my sorrow and fill those uneven wounds of suffering with the healing balm of compassion. I do not even fix myself — I meet my challenging and learn my life lessons. I am better for the experience of suffering
Only as I fill the potholes of my life, can I be free to be me — my best, authentic self. Only when I allow others to fill their potholes, can they become their best authentic self. Together we engage a life that is not about fixing one another or the world. It is about being our best, authentic self as we navigate our life lane. We grow our compassion by filling our holes of suffering. In doing so, our compassion spills into the lives of our fellow sojourners.
So, yeah, I am a recovering fixer. I am going to fill the potholes in my lane and pave a compassionate life. Because I finally understand that in compassionately healing myself, I move from fixer to empower-er on this road of compassionate living.
Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa.
Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.
Website / LinkedIn Profile / Facebook / Twitter: @fyrserpent / ©2017
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