I’ve had a reality check. You know, one of those
hair sizzling jolts that shakes us in the ground of our being. Collectively and
individually we have been shocked; we are awake with a new awareness. Eyes
open, this new view is not an easy one for me to see.
But, within me is a growing awareness that we have a choice. We can
choose to continue the path of divisiveness and be paralyzed by fear or we can
choose a new way, a brave way of navigating our reality. I see possibility
seeping through the cracks and crevices of this new reality. It encourages us
to live courageously, daringly, and curiously.
How we live from those possibilities frame our new world. We are
called not to be lights that banish the dark — cockroaches scatter in the light
but do not leave. Our bright being is called to be a spotlight on what must be
changed. The courageous choices that we make in this moment and the coming
moments will frame this brave new world.
As you may be aware, I often engage those I do not know and enter
into relationships, no matter how brief, with intimate strangers. Part of my
outreach is due to the amount of time I spend alone working from home. In reaching
out to others, I appease my yearning to connect in community. But, I also feel
the yearning of others to connect and see their relief when someone actually
sees them.
Our world is not mundane; it is tinged with extraordinary. I cannot
not respond to the vibrant beauty that surrounds me. Within my brave new world fragile connections
strengthen through simple engagement. Looking at another, smiling,
complimenting someone on an article of clothing or a hairstyle, opening a door
— each simple act sends the message, “You are not alone. You are community.”
You. Are. Community. These three words are not verbally spoken but
uttered through our actions. It is simpler to fashion this brave new world
through our interactions with strangers. No history, no baggage — just
alleviating suffering through fleeting contacts. While this is an important
beginning, we must not stop there.
How do we strengthen the fragile and, at times, broken connections to
our closest companions? When we are hurt by someone we love, feelings of
betrayal often prevent us from repairing the shredded connections. We can reach
out and reconnect. Through RI2 — reflection, introspection,
integration — new ways of being in relationships are fashioned.
Reflection: begin by
breathing, focusing your attention on the moment. Bring the person, people, or
situation into your mind’s eye. Engage in full body listening as you gain
information through all five of your senses. While gathering information, do
not justify, defend, or judge what you are noticing. Instead, notice with
clarity, how you are responding or reacting to what is triggering your
thoughts, words, and actions.
During reflection you may discover that what you though was anger is
instead a deep hurt or a not yet named fear. Even though you may be grabbed by
these emotions, you remain objective. You do not act upon what you are
gathering. Listen to what our body, mind, spirit, and heart are telling you.
Introspection:
information gathered during reflection is used during the next stage. During
introspection seek to understand what lies at the root of your reactions and
hurts. You may discover a pattern of reaction or realize what truly lies at the
root of your behavior. This understanding has the potential to shift how we
relate to another. (This information is for you alone. It need not be shared.)
The second aspect of introspection is to honestly ask what you want
and need from the relationship. Seek ways to shift the connection and in doing
so, strengthen it. Note: this may result in a shift from very close friendship
to an acquaintance or from a co-worker to a good friend. Through RI2
our relationships are dynamic, flexible, and evolving. These shifts are endless and involve
connecting more intimately and responding compassionately.
Integration: Finally,
during introspection, we create a plan of connection. This plan is carried out
in integration. Note: you will probably have to tweak this plan several times.
My brave new world is filled with unimaginable beauty and the
devastation created by our humanness. There is no sure way of navigating
through connections with any relationship be it with the intimate stranger or a
lifelong partner. Life is challenges and life lessons. With RI2 we
can compassionately navigate into our brave new world. We can live within the
extraordinary in daring, curious, and courageous ways.
Creating a brave new world with curious daring and courage,
Vanessa
Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action. She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion
Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom
in all she touches. Contact Vanessa
Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.
More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com
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