The Battle Cry of a Compassion Warrior

Compassion is seldom easy. We are often asked to dive into the depths of anguish and despair as compassion’s emissary. We are called to midwife the transmutation of suffering into joy. As compassion warriors we know at the ground of our being that compassion isn’t meted out as justice or because it is expected. When we act with compassion, this wild, beautiful balm soothes the fray, calms the spirit, and strengthens our bonds of connection.

I love you enough is a simple phrase filled with compassion. But, what is the action that results in this intent of loving enough? Perhaps, we allow a child to make their final decision or we gently guide them to the resolution of an issue. Or, we listen gently and quietly while offering guiding questions instead of judging and blaming. It may be encouraging another to be their best, truest self while forgiving “bad” behavior.

Often times when I get stuck and wrestle with sharing compassion with another, I ask myself, “If someone loved you enough, what response would you hope for?” In answering this question I honestly acknowledge my wounds and unresolved suffering. Through understanding my own suffering, my choice to love enough becomes clearer. While this enough love may be directed outward to another, it also becomes the love enough of myself to heal my festering wounds.

It is more difficult for me to harden my heart against the one who triggered suffering after answering this question. I see a glimmer of their personal suffering in the hurt they triggered. There is a recognition that we all suffer and react from our suffering. This is often enough to shake my self-righteous indignation and anger. Fissures appear, and my compassion seeps from the cracks of my wounds. My suffering is alleviated as my compassion directed toward another boomerangs returning as self-compassion.  I am healed.

My spark of compassion flares. I feel this gentle, loving energy flow through me, filling me, and overflowing into the world. My hands, my heart, my wounds are conduits of compassion. I recognize that I am the vessel. I am a warrior of compassion. Mindfully resting in this understanding, I intuitively know how to share compassion best in the moment.

And, I acknowledge that while certain acts on the surface may not appear compassionate, I am aware that any other actions may intensify or enable future suffering. At times we need to be with someone as they experience the lesson in the suffering. We hold them in our heart as they transmute the poison of their personal suffering. We are witness to their ability to heal their self.

We walk a narrow path as compassion warriors. Our compassionate actions say, “I love you enough to allow you to learn from your suffering. I love you enough to help you understand your suffering as a catalyst for personal transformation. I love you enough to be with you as you heal your wounds. I love you enough to honor your battle. I love you enough.”

Compassion asks that we be fully present in the moment…that we be aware of our motives and agendas and propensities to enable…that we be open, receptive conduits of compassion…that we love enough to be a vessel for the alleviation of suffering. This is the intent of a warrior of compassion.

Take this pledge. Take my hand. Let’s journey together as warrior’s of compassion,

Vanessa

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Consultant at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom in all she touches. Contact Vanessa

Her books are Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action and AConstellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com

A Brave New World

I’ve had a reality check. You know, one of those hair sizzling jolts that shakes us in the ground of our being. Collectively and individually we have been shocked; we are awake with a new awareness. Eyes open, this new view is not an easy one for me to see.

But, within me is a growing awareness that we have a choice. We can choose to continue the path of divisiveness and be paralyzed by fear or we can choose a new way, a brave way of navigating our reality. I see possibility seeping through the cracks and crevices of this new reality. It encourages us to live courageously, daringly, and curiously.

How we live from those possibilities frame our new world. We are called not to be lights that banish the dark — cockroaches scatter in the light but do not leave. Our bright being is called to be a spotlight on what must be changed. The courageous choices that we make in this moment and the coming moments will frame this brave new world.

As you may be aware, I often engage those I do not know and enter into relationships, no matter how brief, with intimate strangers. Part of my outreach is due to the amount of time I spend alone working from home. In reaching out to others, I appease my yearning to connect in community. But, I also feel the yearning of others to connect and see their relief when someone actually sees them.

Our world is not mundane; it is tinged with extraordinary. I cannot not respond to the vibrant beauty that surrounds me.  Within my brave new world fragile connections strengthen through simple engagement. Looking at another, smiling, complimenting someone on an article of clothing or a hairstyle, opening a door — each simple act sends the message, “You are not alone. You are community.”

You. Are. Community. These three words are not verbally spoken but uttered through our actions. It is simpler to fashion this brave new world through our interactions with strangers. No history, no baggage — just alleviating suffering through fleeting contacts. While this is an important beginning, we must not stop there.

How do we strengthen the fragile and, at times, broken connections to our closest companions? When we are hurt by someone we love, feelings of betrayal often prevent us from repairing the shredded connections. We can reach out and reconnect. Through RI² — reflection, introspection, integration — new ways of being in relationships are fashioned.

Reflection: begin by breathing, focusing your attention on the moment. Bring the person, people, or situation into your mind’s eye. Engage in full body listening as you gain information through all five of your senses. While gathering information, do not justify, defend, or judge what you are noticing. Instead, notice with clarity, how you are responding or reacting to what is triggering your thoughts, words, and actions.

During reflection you may discover that what you though was anger is instead a deep hurt or a not yet named fear. Even though you may be grabbed by these emotions, you remain objective. You do not act upon what you are gathering. Listen to what our body, mind, spirit, and heart are telling you.

Introspection: information gathered during reflection is used during the next stage. During introspection seek to understand what lies at the root of your reactions and hurts. You may discover a pattern of reaction or realize what truly lies at the root of your behavior. This understanding has the potential to shift how we relate to another. (This information is for you alone. It need not be shared.)

The second aspect of introspection is to honestly ask what you want and need from the relationship. Seek ways to shift the connection and in doing so, strengthen it. Note: this may result in a shift from very close friendship to an acquaintance or from a co-worker to a good friend. Through RI² our relationships are dynamic, flexible, and evolving.  These shifts are endless and involve connecting more intimately and responding compassionately.

Integration: Finally, during introspection, we create a plan of connection. This plan is carried out in integration. Note: you will probably have to tweak this plan several times.

My brave new world is filled with unimaginable beauty and the devastation created by our humanness. There is no sure way of navigating through connections with any relationship be it with the intimate stranger or a lifelong partner. Life is challenges and life lessons. With RI² we can compassionately navigate into our brave new world. We can live within the extraordinary in daring, curious, and courageous ways.

Creating a brave new world with curious daring and courage,

Vanessa

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom in all she touches. Contact Vanessa

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com

Compassion’s Visible Commitment

Soon after the US election, signs of solidarity began to surface. Some of these were large, mostly peaceful gatherings of people while others were smaller but no less visible acts of connection — all were offers to be in relationship. I admit that I was captivated by the suggestion to wear a safety pin.

I remember when I was younger breaking a zipper on a pair of jeans and needing a quick fix. So, I found a safety pin or two to close the gap created by the zipper’s broken teeth. I realized that the safety pin wasn’t a forever fix; it wasn’t a permanent solution to my clothing mishap. But, the safety pin was a quick and relatively simple way to close the gap in the moment.

Flash forward to today. Wearing a safety pin, for me, represents an intentional and tangible ways of closing a gap of separateness and uncertainty while offering compassion and support. So, I bought safety pins — quilter safety pins in honor of my mom who was a quilter.

I believe that my Mom, a women with a big compassionate heart, would have probably worn a safety pin of solidarity and offered a haven for anyone in need. You see, my mom was the manager of an elementary school cafeteria. She had this knack to see past the surface illusions and into the heart of each child. Mom served a smile and a spoon full of compassion with every meal.

So, I wear this simple metal piece positioned just to the left of my heart, near my shoulder. That safety pin is a quiet beacon that people notice. The connection with intimate strangers is more immediate than before. Our conversations are rich as we share our commitment to the meaning of the safety pin. How it provides a tiny point of light in the dark for the wearer. How we hope that light connects with others and provides solace. How this symbol illuminates us and others with fragile rays of compassion.

The safety pin is more that a show of solidarity, a vow to be a haven of support. The safety pins says to me,

• The bridge connecting us to another is not destroyed. It remains in its brokenness and is strengthened by each of us who chooses compassion, acceptance, and love.
• Deep conversation is necessary. First, listen without judgment, without defending the self. Listen with compassion as you enter into deep, open conversations.
• Each of us in community have a responsibility to cause no harm and with respect, protect others from harm. 

I feel questions emanating from the safety pin. It asks, “How courageous are you? How curious, how daring are you in the face of adversity, suspicion, and mistrust?” It asks, “Do you have the courage and curious daring to weave my message into your actions? How does the meaning behind the wearing of the safety pin, change the message that is your life?”

A safety pin, a simple metal object meant to hold things together, to protect. What is your intent when you fix the pin to your clothing? 

Do you have the curious daring and courage to bring your intent to your actions? I hope I do.

Vanessa

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who interweaves her inner wisdom in all she touches. Contact Vanessa

Her books are Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action and AConstellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com

Compassion Reminds: We Are In This Together

As I walk through the piles of autumnal crispy debris, the sound reverberates in me. The crunching noise reminds me of voices shouting in continuous waves of angst, pain, and suffering. I am jarred. Calming and centering myself, I hear the familiar buzz of the Sacred as it wraps around me. 

“Reconciliation is possible,” the Sacred hugs.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I do not believe that most people intentionally hurt others. In fact, I believe that our deep woundedness is caused by our personal suffering and is the unconscious trigger of our lashing out. The actions triggered by our wounds have driven wedges into our community.

We are at a point at which we can no longer ignore the polarization that has become increasing more evident over the past year or so. Good people, really all of us, have been hurt in some way or another. But, we often do not have a way of channeling the hurt. We get stuck in an endless cycle of being hooked, lashing out, and being hooked yet again. This gap between us and them will continue to widen until we stop our personal cycle.

In this place of less than peace we are not aware of how our judgments and beliefs create our fragile personal reality which is comprised of both the authentic and the illusory. We get so stuck in fear that we cannot even identify the illusions.  The only way to increase peace in our self and the world is by courageously identifying our wounds, our illusions, and our authentic.

How do we step into this place of peace? That begins simply and perhaps not so easily with our self. By consciously and intentionally listening to our internal monologue, we step into the way of peace. The foundation of our internal monologue is a complex mix of our thoughts, our body sensations, our emotions, and our spirit. Intentionally listening to all aspects of our self leads to an understanding of who we are and how our reactions and responses form our reality.

Once we are familiar with our internal monologue, we reflect on key questions.

What is the message I share through my life?

How am I an agent of the change I want to see in the world?

How can I shift my intent and actions to better give voice to my message?

We do not listen to our internal monologue once and totally understand who we are. This listening to self is an ongoing, never-ending journey of self-discovering that leads to authentic manifestation. It is the foundation of our listening internally and externally. Through this bi-listening, we gain a greater awareness of how our internal monologue informs every external dialogue.

With each conversation, we recognize that the most important part of any dialogue is listening. The purpose of dialogue is to gain information not to agree with another but to understand their reality. With this understanding, we are able to question what is real and identify the illusions we are harboring. Through dialogue we sit in the common ground not to sway the other to our point of view or be swayed to theirs, but to enter the common ground of respect and mutual understanding. 

No longer judging another or attempting to defend our self, we practice nonattachment. We do not cling to our beliefs; rather, we hold them with a willingness to reframe them when necessary. We do not cast the beliefs and opinions of another aside because they do not align with ours. We objectively listen and create a bridge of understanding that leads us to common ground.

As we consciously root out any thoughts that birth violent words and actions, we create the space for peace to flourish. We consciously become a vessel of peace and compassion as we act in light of Matthieu Ricard’s words, “Compassion is not a reward for good behavior.” We alleviate suffering and heal personal and collective wounds.

We are contemplative; we are mindful; we are anything that raises our awareness. We listen to our wounds. We listen to the wounds of others. We listen to understand suffering. And, in this listening we become compassion warrior-healers.  We build a bridge to community plank by plank across the illusion of divide.

I would imagine that we are called to tread a path similar to that of Mahatmas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Teresa, and many others. Will it be easy? No. I would guess that creating their constellation of connections was a long, laborious process. But, in the end, each constellation burned brightly in the collective night sky as it connected so many sparks of compassion one to the other. This conflagration burned away the suffering of individuals and community.

These masters of the Way of Peace welcomed individuals who lived many different realities, but all had the same burning desire to build a light bridge of hope across the chasm of illusion. Each yearned to dance across bridge in celebration of our diversity and our similarities.  Each yearned to create a constellation of connections; a community of peace, hope, and compassion.

Because #weareinthistogether,

Vanessa

Vanessa F. Hurst is Compassion Officer at Intent & Action.  She is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom in all she touches.

Her books are Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action and A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships.

More from Vanessa: www.intentandaction.com