Forging Links of Unintentional Community

Friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, even our furry friends are part of our intentional communities.  Each community is formed with a specific purpose. We may have certain expectations or be together to celebrate the joy of being in relationship.

Every so often, when I least expect it, an unintentional community forms around me.  In those moments the intimate stranger enters deeply into my life.  No longer on parallel tracks, we meet for brief, remarkable moments.  This spontaneous connection is based on a mutuality.

A couple of weeks ago I arrived at my son’s Senior Award Ceremony.  I had prepared to celebrate this rite of passage alone and with bittersweet tears.  I listened to the people in the crowd around me chatter while being mindful of my solitude.

A woman came to the end of the row in which I was sitting, She asked, “Is this seat taken?”

I invited her to share the space. 

She hesitantly said, “My daughter wanted to sit with friends, so I am alone.”

Out of my mouth came, “No, you are not. You are with me.”

With those simple words: ice broken, unintentional community formed.  We discovered her daughter knew my son.  As I uttered my son’s name, a woman in the row in front of me turned around.  We knew one another.  Another link in the circle of unintentional community was forged.  Within this unintentional community the evening passed not bittersweet but in joyous connection with others.  The three of us celebrated the accomplishments of our children together not separate. And, I was reminded of Thomas Merton’s belief that we could live in a crowd or we could live in community.

Living with curious daring, reaching out to others, is getting easier for me.  I often climb out on a limb to get a better view of the land.  And, when I connect with others on this no longer-so-scary place, I feel the grace of connectedness.  The spirit of each person reaches deeply into my heart and the love and compassion within my heart twines with theirs. 

May you enjoy the grace of unintentional community in the most unexpected moments of your life.

Vanessa

www.intentandaction.com

Because of a Denim Jacket

One word, one thought, one action bears the seeds of connection.  These connections may be a brief conversation or the seeds may take root as the connection grows into a longer, deeper relationship.  Because of a denim jacket, a 90 second conversation scattered seeds that hold the potential to grow into a friendship.

Yesterday at Starbuck’s, the hotbed of connecting with the intimate stranger, a woman wearing a stylish denim jacket sat adjacent to me. I told her how much I liked that jacket.  The conversation soon evolved.  A seed took root — both of us are  authors who are deeply committed to living compassionately and guiding others into a more compassionate experience.

Because of a denim jacket, I connected.  With courage and curious daring, I chose to not react by avoiding eye contact and unconsciously putting up barriers.  Instead, I shared.  If the woman thought it was a little strange that I approached her; well, that was okay.  It wasn’t as if I was developing a sustainable friendship.  And, if I connected on a deeper level, that was okay, too.  The jacket was a catalyst…a trigger point with which I could reach out to another. 

Her friend arrived; my friend arrived.  Both of us went on our ways.  I left feeling buoyed with joy and happiness.  The residual uncertainty and sadness that is a part of me was pushed out of the crevices of my being.  It dissipated in the light of compassionate sharing.  In that connection, I alleviated some of my own personal suffering.  Life moved beyond the mundane into the extraordinary.  All this happened because of a denim jacket.

Responding to our inner voice, sharing with a stranger, weaves us together in expected and unexpected ways that form community.  The tendrils of the weave glow with the embers of our divine sparks.  The inner light of connectivity shines in ways we no longer ignore.

How will you respond to the next denim jacket that comes your way?

Looking forward with possibility,

Vanessa

www.intentandaction.com

Through Chaos, Into Transformation

This Spring the rut I was standing in quickly filled with water as the deluge of rain poured down.  I found myself alternating between slipping in the mud and being mired in the goopy mess.  The rocks, no longer embedded in the packed earth, scraped the tender soles of my feet.  The rushing water threatened to unbalance me. 

I could no longer ignore that that standing in the rut no longer served me.  As I flayed around, I admitted to myself that one small change would provide the impetus to move me from this place of angst into a place of possibility.

After eight years in the same place, I was resistant to move.  Yet I recognized that being in the same place for those long years had contributed to my complacent, fear-filled space.  Calling upon courage and curious daring, I gave notice to vacate my apartment.  Change was triggered.  I found myself in the midst of chaos — that period of transition between order and disorder.

Although chaos is uncomfortable and scary, it is also filled with limitless possibilities of growth and transformation.  Within the chaos I could identify the fractals, those never ending patterns, of my life.  Once identified, I could discern their contributions to my life.  Some life patterns are beneficial while others create discord.  Instead of focusing on the discord wrought, I gently reminded myself that with clarity comes the choice of transformation.  I could choose to create new fractals in my life.

This choice of finding another place to live offered the impetus to push me from my rut and discover a new way.  The new path presents opportunities to create new, more beneficial ruts.  (Because not all ruts are bad!) I have a blank field upon which to create new, life-serving fractals.    

What fractals do you need to release and recreate?

Namaste,

Vanessa

www.intentandaction.com