Sparks in Wisdom's Fire

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

How to Become Us: The Factors Behind the Facts

It is everywhere. Those subtle nudges to get us to think and act in certain ways. When we do not agree, others attempt to shame us. Instead of living from our authentic core, guilt seeps into the cracks of our being. Regret at our inability to conform powers the fear that we are wrong. We may even be embarrassed about who we are. None of this is because we have done anything wrong. It is because we do not agree with a conclusion another person or group has made about a series of facts.

To live prophetically, you’ve got to be questioning and looking at factors behind the facts. You’ve got to be aware that there are contradictions, says Thomas Merton. This quote has been resonating with me more and more. While questioning and looking at the factors behind the facts might not make me the most popular person, I cannot seem to stop. This close examination is my way of getting the greatest understanding of someone’s conclusion.

So, when someone tells me that we live in the safest time ever, I wonder if that is really true. When this same person tells me that if I do not believe his series of facts that I have been brainwashed into believing that we live in dangerous times, I recognize the attempt to shame me into believing as he does. This triggers a deeper digging into the factors behind his facts.

I begin with the word trigger word brainwash. I feel my entire being pulling in. Maybe I have been hoodwinked into believing something that is untrue. If I do not feel safe, what is the matter with me? So, I feel ashamed that once again, I just cannot behind the party line.

Next, I get off the shame train as I look at the factors behind the facts. When I really look at the proclamation, I discover that the foundation is created by the number of deaths due to war and gun violence. His safety had nothing to do with an increase in poverty, a reduction in wages, and skyrocketing housing costs. These are, for me, basic safety indicators. So, while I may be safe from war and gun violence, I am not feeling safe based upon my chief indicators of safety.

The factors behind the facts. Both of us come to very different conclusions about safety based upon the factors we use to come to our conclusion. Who is right? Both of us or neither. There is probably a third or fourth or fifth person who bases their understanding of safety on another set of factors.

Each of us, as individuals and communities, have our own personal experience. We are drawn to factors that prove our personal reality. This reality holds up to the right kind of scrutiny, but when someone has a different set of factors, holes are poked into the reality. Peering through the holes, we are asked to reassess what we believe to be true.

Instead of becoming defensive, we compassionately listen to the conclusion while actively searching for the factors behind the facts. We reassess what we believe without engaging our feelings of being threatened and moving into attack mode. We take care not to accuse — saying “you’ve been brainwashed,” “you are ignorant,” or others phrases that are meant to shame another into believing what we believe.

Pushing people into believing as we do creates a unstable, homogenous belief system. No longer diverse, we lose opportunities to evolve into our most authentic self and allow others to become their most authentic self. At best we, as community, maintain the status quo. At worst, we devolve as individuals and community.

What if instead of shaming someone, we dialogued compassionately? What if instead of poking holes in the reality of another, we listened compassionately with the intent to understand? What if we were less invested in having someone be a carbon copy of us and more invested in being our authentic best? Through this wide openness transformation would flood. We would discover exactly what factors are informing our facts and the facts of another.

We are prophetic. Our words, thoughts, and actions foretell our future. Not in the psychic way of knowing when you will meet the man of your dreams. No, in the way that our whole being — body/mind/spirit/heart — creates a future of love and compassion. Through engaged compassion, our factors do not create a world in which everyone is a brainwashed cloned. Through our factors we celebrate differences of opinion. Our individual and collective factors behind the facts create a pathway to evolution of ourself and the collective.

No more shaming. No more brainwashing. We invite other to join us on this journey of discovering the factors that inform the facts. On this pathway we let go of forcing another to be like us. We live in the power of a widely diverse, accepting world filled not of others but of us.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™ sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ vanessa@intentandaction.com

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

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Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Fear’s Antidote: Curious Daring

Fear is so pervasive that I can feel its oily thickness, smell its acrid odor, taste its bile. We live in a time that is driven by fear-filled reactions. So overwhelmed, we are unable to take that first step of hope.

Not too long ago, I made a decision to limit the amount of news that I watch. Maybe if I stop hearing about the skyrocketing murder rate in the city, bigotry-spurred violence in the nation, the damage of storms precipitated by climate change, and the political instability in the world, I will be able to reignite my ember of courage and incinerate the pervasive fear growing in my core.

A quiet voice inside gently whispers, “Limit what you watch, but do not run and hide from reality. Know that to burrow into your self is to give into your fear.”

Turning to my Bridge of Intent & Action (found in Engaging Compassion Through Intent and Action) I recommit to the Third Pillar: Living With Curious Daring. The Pillar reminds me that my intent is not to live in a world free of fear; rather, it spurs me to live the conundrum of acknowledging my fear while being curiously daring in an uncertain world. This is the gateway of my transformation.

Walking across the Bridge of Intent & Action with curious daring requires that I do not run from fear. I do not stand still and get stuck in its sticky web of hopelessness either. I objectively acknowledge my fear. I look for the truth within the fear and identify how the seeds of my reactions create a monster of paranoid illusion.

Only when I discover the truth behind the fear can I objectively separate what is real from what was exacerbated by my fear of the unknown and my ignorance of what is true. I have discovered that what scares us is seldom what is unfolding — we are frightened by how actions in the here and now might create a disturbing future.

Being objective does, at times, move us deeper into our fear. When we peer into the unknown, fear gets “real” very quickly. In our curiosity to learn more about what scares us, we may discover more worst cast scenarios than our heart can hold. We shut our self down as the fog of fear obliterates any semblance of hope. Only when we add daring to our curious, is hope found anew. Our reality shifts. Sure, the facts might remain the same, but the vastness of opportunity appears.

With curious daring we are courageous — we acknowledge our valid fears but no longer allow those fears to stop us from living fully. With curious daring we are no longer paralyzed by our fears and stuck in the what-ifs of worst case scenarios. We actually seek new opportunities to live beyond our fears.

Life becomes an adventure to be lived. Bold in our actions, we explore the middle and the margins. Not knowing what we will find, we do not buckle in the face of our fears. We willingly try new experiences. We keep trying because we understand that to stop trying would mire us in the noise of hopelessness.

I am afraid on so many levels —personally, professionally, for my community, for the nation, for the world. Each morning upon waking, and many moments throughout the day, I have a choice. I can give into my fear and become overwhelmed and paralyzed by it. Or, I can live with curious daring and explore the middle and the margins. Trying this and trying that, I know that sooner or later, I will find the next right steps that courageously propel me across the bridge bridge of my life purpose.

Take my hand. We will walk through the walled courtyard of fear into the into the wildly, ferociously beautiful world of uncertainty. Together we trek across our bridges of intent and action with courage and curious daring.

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Compassion Along The Life Spectrum

When I was in sixth grade, a new family moved into our small town of 2500 people. I was excited to see a new face and gain a new friend. My 13-year old self was convinced that the new girl, Jenny, would be the center of attention. Everyone would want to be her friend. I was wrong. In the less than three months Jenny was at our school, I was one of a scant handful of people who befriended her.

When Jenny and her family moved, I remember being envious of their vagabond ways. I saw her life as one of rolling opportunities of discovery. The at best complacency and at worst hostility, toward someone who was not like us really shocked me. For, in my friendship Jenny, I was introduced to a life not available in that very small, very Catholic town.

When I was fourteen, not too long before I was confirmed in the Catholic Church, my godmother gave me a copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. The book was a rich unfolding of a different spiritual path. As I was drawn into the story, the way that I saw my relationship with God changed. My own spiritual journey was transformed.

These life altering moments happened within months of each other to this small town Catholic girl from a working class family. Instead of shying away from people and things that were different, I relished new experiences and new people. These were opportunities to learn and grow. I was eager to learn about life that was not like mine and figure out ways to make my life richer.

I am continually amazed and dismayed by the polarization that I see. Like that young teenager, I am at lost to explain why we avoid what is different and why the not like us is met with hostility. While we have grown technologically, maybe deep inside, in the core of our being, we are not so different than we were in the 1970s. In the past we may have been civil and polite while silently and privately reviling what is different. Now, we loudly and publicly shout our anger and fear and hatred.

When I think about the younger version of me, I realize that I really haven’t changed either. Right, left, in the middle, I keep reaching out in an attempt to engage, to figure out why someone believes the way they do — to find their core of humanity that resonates with mine. And, perhaps that resonance will change me for the better. I am no longer homogenous for the richness of diversity transforms me. Transformed, I contribute to a dynamic, flourishing community that welcomes all.

I have always thought that understanding another but not necessarily agreeing with them, is the gateway to living in peace. This peace is forged by negating the importance of being right or having things our way. We all want to be right. I think it is written into our DNA. When we cast aside our agenda, we walk through the gateway of realized peace that is sustained by living with respect and unconditional love. We are part of a thriving community strengthened by the realization that we are all in this together. We are no longer silo-ed homogenous communities, but one community transformed by the richness of diversity.

We can choose to live in a bubble of our own beliefs or the beliefs of the segment of society of which we are part. If so, we create scarcity in our life. We may find it easier to slip into fear of that which is not like us. Or, we can embrace diversity — we can discover with an open mind and a welcoming heart how what is different enhances our life experience. And, when we live with this knowing, we prosper as individuals and community.

I see our world as a bakery filled with sugar cookies. I don’t know about you, but I kind of like my sugar cookies in different shapes, some topped with sprinkles, some with different colors of icing, and still others flavored with lemon or almond or anise — and, yes, some are chewy and other crisp. Bland, anemic sugar cookies cut from the same mold just don’t do it for me.

I offer you a challenge this week — no matter where you find yourself on the life spectrum, reach out to someone who is not like you. Open your mind, welcome with your heart, reserve judgment. Find commonality — even if that commonality is that you both sit in the small coffee shop sipping different drinks. Acknowledge your fear and mistrust. Then, step out of it. Listen to understand. Love despite your differences.

You might just discover a new flavor that negates the pungency of fear and angst in your life. The capacity of your heart to love increases. You might discover how differences provide the spice of life and may just be what ties us together.

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

The Spiral: From Fatigue to Compassion

A distressing common strand of our lives today is that we are tired, bone tired. Many people that I speak to complain about how fatigued they are. The circumstances of the past months have contributed to an exhausted populous stuck in affective empathy. Feeling so deeply, empaths (we) get stuck in emotions of angst, sorrow, and suffering. So mired in these draining feelings, empaths (we) are unable to use the power of awareness to move from empathy to compassion.

But, affective empathy results in the inability to be the lights of compassion to the self and the world. Without adequate compassion, the suffering in our self and the world increases. We are overwhelmed by all the emotions, and they trap us. We get stuck in a downward spiral of compassion fatigue. Awareness is key to reversing the downward spiral to an empowering spiral of compassionate and peace.

We stop the downward spiral when we are aware our self and the emotions that triggered our current condition. Until we can quiet, to some degree, the tumult inside our self, we are not even capable of naming what is at the root of our fatigue. Once we name the roots, we gain the power to reverse the spiral from compassion fatigue to empowering compassionate presence.

Until we are a compassionate presence for our self, we cannot be a calming presence for others. Instead, we feed off of the angst, fear, and suffering of another. And, they feel off our ours. We do our work so that we can do the work of the world. That work is compassion. We begin by intentionally listening to the four aspects of our self — body, mind, spirit, and heart.

Really listen. Listen to the words, their tone, feel your body. Through open minded reflection upon what is heard, you notice the maelstrom of emotions that you react from. Perhaps you feel fear that manifests as anger or you are anxious and are brusque in your interactions. Once you are aware of your internal maelstrom and its impact not only on yourself but also on others, notice how others are caught up in theirs. Then notice how your state of being contributes to the collective chaos.

Instead of blaming and shaming yourself as the source of your fatigue, gently ask, “What do I need?” Listen to the voice of your body, mind, spirit, and heart. However you need to be self compassionate, do it. Give yourself the grace of self care. Unless you are relatively angst free and aware of your fears, you are unable to help others.

After you have begun to alleviate your compassion fatigue, pay attention to how others experience suffering. Really be aware of the tumult. While it is difficult to “put yourself in another’s shoes,” you can befriend them in their moment of suffering. Be present to them. Listen with our body, mind, spirit, heart. Give them what they need — not what you think they need or what you want to give them. Compassion might take the form of gentle listening, a hug, assisting them in securing resources. There is no limit to your compassion.

Say that — “There is no limit to my compassion.” Let it sink into your being. Feel it resonate into your cells. Make it a somatic knowing. Know that when you believe that there are no limits, compassion echoes in all your actions, all your words, and even your thoughts. You waken to the knowing that you are an emissary of compassion.

Maybe I am a dreamer. (I hope I am not the only one.) I am a dreamer who is fatigued by a waking nightmare of dissension, polarization, othering, and unspeakable suffering. I am a dreamer who believes in the absolute, transformative power of compassion. I am a dreamer. Will you dream with me?

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Compassion in the Face of Evil

Watching the news often catches me aware. I am horrified by the reported actions of others. I generally try to stay away from calling something evil, but lately I do not know how to describe some actions as other than reprehensible, and, yes, evil. I do not understand how some people self righteously hurt others. This premeditated behavior has me questioning how I can be compassion’s presence in a world gone awry.

As I hear the words of reaction pouring out of my mouth and toward the broadcaster flickering on the television screen, I recognize that I am judging instead of knowing that at the core of the violent behavior is suffering. I forget that I can judge the behavior as hurtful while compassionately holding the perpetrator accountable for their actions. In my angst and anger, my spark of compassion seems to extinguish.

After minutes, or hours, of angst, I feel it — that warm glow of my compassion spark resurrecting. In that moment I am suffused with the joy-filled knowing that my spark of compassion can never be extinguished. In times of great angst, it provides a pathway to the release of toxins from my body, mind, spirit, and heart. Toxicity levels lowered, compassion flows through my being re-igniting the fire in my heart. Now comes the hardest part — arguing with myself over just how to be compassion's presence to a perpetrator of suffering.

Acknowledging my own personal struggle opens me to being compassionate to both perpetrator and victim. It is easy to practice compassion to one whose suffering is visible — who has been directly harmed. For the perpetrator, I must find the grace to stop objectifying them and fashion my compassionate response.

Compassion is not possible unless I acknowledge the behavior is somewhere along the continuum from disturbing to downright reprehensible. Compassion asks that I do not justify or excuse the behavior; rather, that I seek ways to alleviate suffering that stems from its roots. That suffering is present in both the victim and the perpetrator.

My personal reflection propels me into my own dark side, my shadow. I recognize that I wouldn’t be so angry unless the behavior touched something in me. I search for what their behavior is pinging off of in me. I identify what judgments I make, how I defend my own beliefs, and how I objectify people based upon their behavior. And, then I find the deeply hidden, repulsive glimmer of who I do not want to be, but who I am. The behavior might not be the same, but the energy of the glimmer resonates with the actions of the other.

Before I am able to show compassion to the other, I have to acknowledge the roots of my own woundedness — of the suffering inside myself that unconsciously informs my reactions toward the one I would objectify. Through the practice of self-compassion I not only heal myself, but I become a font of strength. By owning my shadow, compassion is my response even when I struggle to judge or condemn another for their actions.

Compassion requires mindfulness. Unless we are aware of our judgments of others and defenses of our self, we are unable to be compassion’s presence in a polarized, increasingly violent world. With the stance of the objective observer, we are able to maintain a balanced compassion core while recognizing how the actions of another trigger us. Instead of thinking negative thoughts or saying hurtful words about the person who exhibits disturbing behavior, our initial thoughts are, “How can I alleviate the suffering that they spewed? And, how much the perpetrator, must suffer.” Those thoughts trigger compassion of the person not of their action.

Objective, we do not judge. We do not defend. Our energy is no longer held hostage by suppositions and assumptions. We are really free to notice what is happening. No matter how terrible, how evil, how bad the behavior is, the armor of our objectivity protects us from engaging in ways that exacerbate the other’s behavior. We do not become part of the escalation; the person’s behavior is their own.

Being compassionate in these circumstances never equals agreement. Because we refuse to enable, we may be judged as devoid of compassion. But, our compassion is present on the deepest levels. We hold space for the person to experience the breadth of their behavior — to learn the life lesson, no matter how difficult or painful, that is inherent in the bad behavior.

The compassion of “I love you enough” holds a person accountable for their actions. We trust that, with compassion, the perpetrator comes to know the ramifications of their behavior. Even if they do not, we do not allow our self to be consumed by the angry face of evil perpetrated.

The compassion of “I love you enough,” for me, is the most difficult form of compassion. I am required to be gentle and love unconditionally while not enabling another person’s hurtful behavior. Being compassion in this way is not easy, but it is our most deeply authentic practice of compassion.

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Intuitive Awareness: Heart-Soul Perception

The world we live in is amazing. When we get stuck in the routine of the day, we miss opportunities to see the wonder. By listening with the ears of our heart and seeing through the eyes of our soul, we move beyond the mundane. With a shift of perception we are propelled into the extraordinary. Through this heart-soul perception, we access our inner wisdom — our intuition.

Now, I can almost see the creaking door of denial edging shut. I can almost feel that denial rising from the depth of being. I hear some of you say, “Me? I am not intuitive.” But, intuition, whether conscious or unconscious, is the chief navigator of our life. Throughout the day we respond to our intuition in ways that we may not even be aware.

How do we move from unconsciously reacting to intentionally responding with our intuition? By accepting that we are intuitive, identifying intuitive cues, deciphering the meaning of our inner wisdom, and responding to the received message with gentle love. These 4-steps are not linear; rather, each is occurs at any point in the cycle of evolving intuitive awareness.

Accepting: Acknowledge that you are intuitive. You fall some where along the intuitive awareness continuum. Accept that no matter where you fall upon the continuum, you are evolving as you gain additional intuitive skills. Perhaps your abilities are not as physically evident as another’s. You may not see auras or hear voices. This does not mean that you are not psychically connected to your intuition. Your intuition may manifest in ways you are not aware. It often is an inner knowing that rises into your consciousness.

Try: Each morning when you wake, affirm, “I am intuitive. My intuition makes itself known to me at least three times today.” Then notice how it manifests. Make notes how your received your inner knowing and the message.

Identifying: Sometimes we receive information without being aware of how our inner knowing informs our actions. It may present in the words of a friend or a physical reaction in the body. Unless we are mindful, we miss these intuitive cues. When we are mindfully aware, we are better able to identify the cues of our inner wisdom.

Try: Close your eyes and attend to your breathing. With each inhale, bring your breath deeper into your body until you are taking belly breaths. As your breath travels throughout your body, notice any sensations. Are there messages in those sensations? Open your eyes. Let your awareness go to where it needs to go. Note what your are drawn to.

Deciphering: At times we get information that seems to be more of a distraction and less of an intuitive knowing. Or, we may recognize a nudge but have no idea what is it telling us. Instead of negating or ignoring the message we receive, we remain objective and openminded to any information. With this stance, we are better able to increase our awareness and decode the message. It becomes easier to recognize additional cues.

Try: When you recognize an intuitive message, ask yourself what it is saying. If you are unsure, look up the word’s definition, consult a dream dictionary, or look up the symbolic meaning. Ask for additional information. Listen to the words of another to discern the meaning of your inner knowing. I also journal to find meaning. There is no right or wrong way to uncover the meaning of your inner wisdom. Deciphering takes practice.

Respond: Every intuitive nudge we receive requires a response. It might mean being loving and gentle even when you feel like reacting in harsh and cruel ways. Our response is fashioned through asking, “How is the inner wisdom requiring me to act?” Our answer is an echo of our authentic self. And, each time we respond instead of react, our connection to our intuition strengthens.

Try: Name an intuitive morsel you have deciphered. Ask yourself, “How am I called to respond?” (Even if you are unable to answer this question definitively, respond to the best of your ability. It is not that you are lacking in intuition. You might not have all the information needed to decipher the message). Our intuition guides us into the most loving, gentle response. It powers our honest response in difficult situations. We have only to trust.

Intuitive awareness is not for the faint hearted. It requires courage, trust, and curious daring. When we connect with our intuition, we peer into the extraordinary world. We see the amazing and are given opportunities to respond in loving, gentle, transformative ways. Through our inner wisdom we are not longer stuck within the chaos; we journey the path of transformation.

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Vanessa offers Neural Synchrony™sessions to assist clients in navigating their life paths with intuition. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

The Window Of Possibility: Pause, Silence, Focus

and if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walkin’ till you find the window. My Wish, Rascal Flats

Opening a door of hoped-for possibility only to find another door closed is disheartening. Feeling that stagnant air of dashed hopes is something we have all experienced a time or two. That moment where instead of finding limitless possibility, we find seemingly no possibility is pivotal. We can choose to continue to be mired in despair or navigate into a new, better way.

Instead of being frustratingly stuck in a stagnant place of disappointment, our inner voice can guide us to the open window. No matter where we find our self, no matter how stuck we feel, we can find that window. While this discovery may seem improbable in the face of yet another disappointment, trusting there are the options prepares us to find them. Trust powers the pause, our ability to rest in the silence, and the focus our awareness on the breeze of possibility.

Pause: Enter the pause by focusing on the breath and noting any somatic, emotional, and mental reactions. Ranging anywhere from several seconds to hours, the pause is a time to regroup. As we withdraw from the current situation, we gain the power to objectively notice what is happening in our life and how the circumstances have impacted and continue to impact us. We identify how we react and how we respond to these disappointments.

Silence: Once we attend to the breath, a gateway to silence is created. In this place unrecognized possibilities lay dormant. Here our frazzles are soothed. In the silence we become aware of distractions. A new focal point appears as we move away from distractions. The ebb and flow of silence washes over us coaxing us into a place of wide openness and increased awareness. Once calmed, we feel the gentle wafting breeze, and sometimes gale force winds, of possibility.

Focusing: The natural progression of pausing and resting in the silence is an increase of awareness. As we focus our attention, we are able to reset our angst. Once we are calm, we are able to actively search for the gentle breeze wafting through the revealed window. As our inner wisdom wafts through the window, we are showered with sparks of possibility. These may occur as a renewed ability to reframe the current situation or our attention may be drawn to something out of the ordinary.

We further relax as previously named dire straits are reframed to curious adventure. No longer do we hold so tightly to the old way of doing things. We see potential. Through the pause, silence, and focus, we open to approaching life differently. With courage we edge closer to the window, peep over the sill, and peer into a world of possibility. And, maybe, just maybe, we open the window, climb onto the ledge, and leap into the waiting world knowing that our wings of possibility unfurl in our daring.

Just like that, we move beyond locked doors and unknown possibilities to a wide openness of living in innovative, transformative ways.

May you see the window,

Vanessa F. Hurst, ms, is a Mindful Coach, Compassion Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author who weaves her inner wisdom into all she touches. Contact Vanessa @ hurst.vanessa@gmail.com

Her books are A Constellation of Connections: Contemplative Relationships and Engaging Compassion Through Intent & Action.